Barely breathing but you just see a smile

As I sit here in the quiet of the night, the weight of turning 30 next month begins to settle in. I'm starting to think about what life holds for me as I step into this new decade.

As I approach 30, I can't shake the feeling that I still don't have it all figured out. The world often paints a picture of what success should look like by this age. A stable career, a healthy relationship, or even a family. But what if my path doesn't align with that narrative.

It's so easy to fall into the trap of comparison, scrolling through social media and seeing my peers and colleagues who seem to have it all together. But I remind myself that everyone's journey is unique, and there's no universal timeline for success.

Turning 30 feels like an invitation to redefine what success means to me. It's a chance to set new goals and explore new possibilities. Instead of focusing on what I haven't achieved, I want to celebrate the journey I've taken and the person I've become.

Nag-aayos ako ng mga gamit ko. Nagbabawas ng mga kalat.

Napagod.

Biglang naisipan na buksan ang account na 'to.

Nagbasa.

Ang dami ko rin palang pinagdaanan.

Ito yung matagal ko nang pinagdadasal. Pero bakit biglang hindi ko na alam kung anong gusto kong mangyari. 

Kagabi sa gig habang nanonood ako, pinipigilan kong tumulo yung luha ko. 

Ang dami kong naiisip. Ang dami kong tanong.

May panghihinayang.  Pero ito talaga siguro yung tamang desisyon para sa’ting dalawa.

Di pa rin ako titigil na suportahan ka. Proud ako sayo. At masaya akong makita ka na masaya ka sa ginagawa mo.

Salamat sa masasayang alaala. Hinding-hindi ko itatapon yun.

Exactly 5 years ago.

Dear self,