i hit my peak at seven

The Symptoms of Being Human by Jeff Garvin

From the moment you start this book, you know where it’s headed. All the bad things that can happen to a queer character (maybe especially if that character is trans? I’m noticing a pattern in trans fiction I’ve read) in a YA novel happen here, so TW for a suicide attempt (pre- the start of the novel, talked about), gender identity-based bullying, forced outing, and sexual assault. This author really did check all the boxes for all the bad things that could happen to a non-binary person.

Riley is a genderfluid teen of a politician running for office. They’re not out to anyone but their therapist, who encourages them to start an anonymous blog where they can vent and be who they are. Their blog is then highlighted on a prominent queer rights website, the number of eyes on their blog skyrockets, and Riley’s irl tormentors put the pieces together and threaten to out them.

I do like that we never get to know (or need to know) Riley’s AGAB, and I appreciate that Riley wants so much to not be judged by others but still has to take a step back themself to redirect their own thoughts to ones less gendered and more open-minded. That said, I don’t think this book stands out very much. I was fine putting this down for half a month and didn’t feel pressured to finish it until the check out period was about to expire. Had it not been about to expire, I probably would have dragged out reading it even more, because I just wasn’t feeling it. 

3/5, good but not great. 

Cutting to the Chase by Rose Phillips

I took a huge break at around the halfway point of Cutting to the Chase because I just wasn’t into it, and I can’t say the second half got any better. It’s pretty much the same pace/tone throughout the entire story, so you know what you’re in for right from the get-go.

Lizzy definitely experiences growth, going from being a passive bystander in her own life to standing up for her old friends and for herself, but also in the way she expands her worldview through experiencing Michael’s culture alongside him. I also liked that she had to confront her double standards surrounding self-harm; she thinks of Jo as someone who just cuts for attention and as someone wholly unlike herself, but she is in a similar position to Jo and can’t initially recognize it. 

As for the romance aspect, I can’t say I really cared one way or the other? You’d think I’d be into a book with an emo boy mmc, and I did like Michael, but with Lizzy? Maybe more as friends than dating. 

3/5, can’t really complain about anything that happened in the story, but I wasn’t wowed. 

When Jeff Comes Home by Catherine Atkins

Jeff was kidnapped and held captive for three years before being returned to his family. After showing how the kidnapping played out, the book jumps forward in time to his spontaneous reappearance on his family’s doorstep. From the start, things aren’t handled well at all. No one sees it necessary to take Jeff to a hospital for evaluation (which would be protocol for these situations, right?) and evidence left on their doorstep in the night is never taken in by police despite the kidnapper still being on the loose and having been at the scene hours before. The FBI agent questioning Jeff has zero sense of how to behave when questioning him. His father is so dead set on everything being normal again immediately that he fails to support an obviously traumatized Jeff. I really empathized with this kid. All the adults said they wanted to help him but somehow got everything wrong. I mean, if everyone was legitimately making everything worse I’d want to clam up and be left alone too. 

This book was published in 1999 so I probably should have expected the homophobia. There were rumors that Jeff engaged in sexual activity with his male captor, something he vehemently denies throughout the book. We see how much the rumors get to him when he interacts with his younger brother, as even spending too much time with Brian or sharing a bed with him makes Jeff fear what his stepmother will think of him. With all of Jeff’s second guessing of his own behavior, I thought this was some kind of internalized homophobia situation with the added complexities of possible abuse muddying the waters. In a different book, written in a different time, maybe it would have gone in that direction and really dived into his turmoil, but no. Everyone’s just really homophobic and worried about gay men grooming children.

Really the only positive in this book is Jeff. Maybe it’s the rather strong empathy I felt for him that’s blinding me to the many shortcomings of this book, but if there had been a single competent adult in this book, if there was a single discussion with him where he wasn’t being grilled or forced to pretend everything was fine, this could have been salvaged a little. For what he went through, for what he endured, he deserved better. 

Idk a rating for this. It made me feel but the feeling was mostly anger and idk if that’s a good thing. 

Burned and Smoke by Ellen Hopkins

I have to say these are maybe the most... boring of Ellen Hopkins's books I've read so far? Such a large portion of Burned followed Pattyn finding herself and navigating first love on her aunt's farm, which is not what I've come to expect from Hopkins's books. Compared to her others, where it’s one trauma after another, Burned is an outlier with it’s relatively average coming of age sequence that takes up a third of the page count. The normalcy is a sharp contrast to Pattyn’s experiences up to then, and especially to the end of novel, which, though drastic, is more in keeping with what I’ve come to expect from Hopkins’s books.

With Burned having the ending it did, I was excited to jump into Smoke, but was once again underwhelmed. Smoke picks up almost immediately after Burned and introduces Pattyn’s sister Jackie’s POV. Smoke benefitted from having dual narrators, but while the storyline had a heavier tone than Burned it still lacked the drive that makes Hopkins’s other books so impactful and unputdownable.

3/5 for both books; they’re not bad for what they are, but compared to the rest of Hopkins’s works they’re kind of meh.

(Also Pattyn getting tan and dyeing her hair and suddenly passing herself off as a migrant worker was… a choice. 👀)

Hurts So Good by Leigh Cowart

Hurts So Good raises the question of what defines an activity as masochistic and asks if behavior we don’t typically consider masochistic should indeed be classified as such, all while pondering why we enjoy activities that cause us pain in the first place. Cowart is motivated by curiosity over their own compulsions and attractions to painful activities, wishing to understand why they take pleasure in pain and why countless others do as well.

I respect an author who is willing to partake in the behavior they research, even if it’s something they unapologetically hate (looking at you polar plunge.) I can’t say I was invested in every activity Cowart researched (this book covers ballet, hot pepper eating contests, polar plunges, disordered eating, ultramarathons, religious flagellation, body modification, and of course BDSM, among others) but even sections that didn’t initially interest me kept my attention and I came away having learned something. Cowart, having practiced ballet themself, is open about their own history with self-harm and disordered eating and the effects those activities had on their body and ties it into their current research with care and responsibility. While it does feel repetitive at times, this book is thoroughly researched for it’s slim size and I’d recommend it to readers who also enjoyed Gory Details by Erika Engelhaupt. 

4/5, would recommend.

Crank and Glass by Ellen Hopkins

I know Crank is the book that put Ellen Hopkins on the map, but it’s my least favorite of hers so far. I can’t say it’s totally awful, because despite its shortcomings it was written with good intentions and gets its anti-drug message across. But I just didn’t care about anything that was happening in this book. I didn’t like way Hopkins introduced an alter ego for Kristina to use under. The stakes were high, but we didn’t get to see the consequences play out (namely how using while pregnant effects unborn children; Kristina only briefly mentions the possible complications). It’s the most after-school special of Hopkins’s books I’ve read so far, and I wasn’t impressed.

Glass though. Glass I blew through in two days and enjoyed way more because we see how Kristina’s decisions play out and affect her son and family. Crank felt like a lot of telling, but, with Kristina so deep into her addiction in Glass, readers don’t need to be told how bad things are getting because it’s inherently obvious in how she’s behaving. The stakes were just as high, maybe higher, but this time felt like they were going somewhere.

2/5 and 4/5, respectively, here’s hoping book three keeps up the momentum. 

Flirtin’ With the Monster edited by Niki Burnham and Ellen Hopkins

Flirtin’ With the Monster is a companion to the then-duology Crank and Glass, comprised of essays from popular authors of that era of publishing, as well as insights from a judge and an addiction counselor. With an introduction by Ellen Hopkins, the book also includes essays from the real people who inspired the her characters, which was what I was most excited about when picking this up. 

Was it interesting? Yes. Was it essential? No. Some of the author contributions to this book felt like reviews rather than analysis, and those that were analysis focused on the technical aspect of Hopkins’s writing and why her verse is so effective. They’re still interesting reads, but if you’re looking to deepen your understanding of Crank and Glass, you’re not going to find anything you didn’t already know in the author essays. 

Of part one, the best contributions were from the judge and addiction counselor (forgive me, I didn’t take note of their names in preparation for writing his review), which carried more weight as they didn’t focus on writing but on character. The counselor laid out the steps of recovery and considered Kristina’s chances of putting her addiction behind her. The judge, who oversaw a multitude of cases involving members of his community who were affected by meth, spoke of the insight these two novels gave him when it came to addiction. I know this book’s subtitle denotes contributions from “Your Favorite Authors,” but a collection of essays from people with first-hand experience with drug addiction such as these two would have made for a much more interesting read.

Part two contains the most compelling and insightful essays, all from the members of Hopkins’s family that inspired the characters in Crank and Glass, which make the book worthwhile all on their own. They put into perspective the effects of drug use not only on the user but on the family that loves and supports them. Unsurprisingly, the essay that stuck with me the most from this section was “Kristina’s,” which revealed that, as bad as book-Kristina had it, there were much, much worse things happening behind the scenes.

Overall, I’d only consider a handful of these entries to be required reading. If you’re not trying to be an Ellen Hopkins completionist like I am, you could probably skip part one of this collection, but I do recommend reading the family’s contributions, if for no other reason than to drive home the impact of one person’s decisions on all who surround them. 

3/5, interesting but you could skip it if you’re just a casual reader. 

Polybius by Collin Armstrong

I don’t even want to talk about this book. It was dry. It was drawn out. There was a ton of POV bouncing and additional lore for side characters when what you really care about and picked this book up for is the arcade unit that’s turning people into violent zombies (not like, actual zombies, but you get what I mean). Polybius is definitely an interesting urban legend, but sometimes what makes urban legends work is how vague and mysterious they are. They keep you up and keep you guessing because you’ll never have a solid explanation for what happened, if it ever happened at all. The legend of Polybius is better off as Internet forum fodder than a full length novel (which SUCKS because I had high hopes going into this book).

1/5, I’m glad this is over.

Lore Olympus Vol 10 by Rachel Smythe

I didn't read Lore Olympus as it released on Webtoon, but I am making my way through the collected episodes + bonus content with the graphic novels. The months-long wait between each volume means I never remember what happened in the previous entry. (Which is a problem I have with Lore Olympus specifically - I don't struggle to remember previous events with other series.) I started Volume 10 and thought I skipped one because I could not remember the wedding being the cliff hanger for Vol 9. I really do just read these for the vibes/art/enjoyment I guess (and Hera, my favorite), because I'm not invested in anything that's happening but I still pick up each new volume when it releases, lol.

I really don't have much to say about this, I'm just along for the ride and even though it doesn't stick with me I still enjoy it. 4/5.

Found edited by Gabino Iglesias and Andrew Cull

Love the concept and presentation of this book. A beaten up VHS tape box for the cover of a found media anthology? Excellent design choice. Its contents could have used some more editing, though - there were a few typos and the bottom margin size was inconsistent. The text was also right-aligned, not justified, which is nitpicking as it doesn’t affect the stories being told; I’m just used to justified text (which seems to be the standard for most books) and took notice of it.

Some of the 18 stories for this anthology (19 if we count Andrew Cull’s intro piece) were written in prose and featured characters discovering cursed media, while others were presented as the found media itself. The very first story of this collection is made of text exchanges and handwritten notes, and those that follow are developed through emails, video or interview transcripts, and forum threads.

My favorites were “This Video is Unavailable” by Robert Levy (formatted as a magazine interview of those who took their parasocial relationship with a YouTuber to a deadly extreme) and “A Small Hand-Built House” by Ali Seay (written in prose and following a woman uncovering the murders her deceased husband carried out in their backyard unbeknownst to her via videotapes he leaves behind as something of a scavenger hunt; this one could be a full-length thriller). The weakest for me was “Spew of News” by Clay McLeod Chapman. The whole piece was relayed directly to the reader, but doesn’t quite feel like “found” media. It lacks the framing of the other stories, plus I found it to be really blatant and heavy-handed with its message.

Some stories I felt we were just getting somewhere with and then they just… stopped (“The Novak Roadhouse Massacre” by Alan Baxter and “Walls and Floors and Bricks and Stone” by Georgia Cook come to mind), but most of the stories utilize the incomplete/abrupt nature of found media to imply an ominous fate for their characters (most notably in “A Grave Issue” by Bev Vincent, in which a forum is closed for inactivity after its users succumb to madness). As a whole, this collection does feel like old internet horror you’d encounter on Reddit or told in a “Top 10 Creepiest Urban Legends” or similar countdown, stories where, if presented the right way, you might think them true tales of hauntings or tragedies, and it gets points for that. 

And on that note, Andrew Cull’s intro piece got me - correct me if I’m wrong, but “11/7/19” and Boyd Thomas Sinclair’s exploits are fictional. I was fully believing them to be true, footnotes and all, on my first read. Cull finished his introduction with “Think of Boyd’s case when you’re reading the stories in FOUND. I do. And remember, when a story feels so close to reality that it might be true, what’s to say that it isn’t?”

Well played.

4/5, some stories were two stars, but the collection is solid as a whole. 

Dollface by Lindy Ryan

Another book compared to Scream, another book that uses a secret second killer as a twist. 🙄 Please I beg of you, if you’re marketing your book as a combo of Scream and whatever else, stop it. You’re just telling me ahead of time that there’s a second killer running amok. (I will concede Dollface has an mc that’s aware of horror conventions and that aspect does somewhat justify the blurb more, but I’m standing firm on the two killers complaint. This is not the first book I’ve seen ruin its reveal this way.)

Dollface was fun (in the way most slashers are). It’s not great (in the way most slashers aren’t). There are many typos in this book (Dara instead of Darla; first instead of fist; nouns plural when they should be singular; nouns possessive when they shouldn’t be; etc.) that should have been caught and fixed before publishing. The writing was fine for most of the book, but there were multiple times where the narration would say something like “then I told them this” or (during the final POV switch) “Jill says behind me blah blah blah.” Why have a character tell me that a person they are actively in conversation with is speaking to them when they could just have dialogue? Just let them speak for themselves.

And about the final twist’s involvement: I get their motive, but it feels separate from the rest of this book. As for the first killer, you’ll have a guess as to who it is immediately and it will be correct, so for over half the book you will be one step ahead of the mc and waiting for her to get with the program. 

3/5, fun, good concept, might recommend it but overall meh.

Monster High: World’s Scare by Jacque Aye

I snuck one more book in on the 30th. While Hoopla doesn't get individual Monster High comics anymore they DO get the collected graphic novels and I snagged World’s Scare with my remaining borrow of the month. I really like Caroline Shuda's art for the MH world (and the imps! The imps were so cute!) and I like the direction that Jacque Aye took in continuing the storyline introduced in New Scaremester with the ghouls navigating their grief in their own ways (even if I still can’t quite believe Monster High would just kill off two classic horror monsters like that… and Lothar’s punishment is just reform school? When a monster is dead???)

Anyway, World’s Scare wraps up the loose ends I complained about in the New Scaremester series (Hexiciah’s whereabouts, Lothar’s accomplice, who CryptCrier is, etc.) and strikes a balance between its heavier plot points and the creepy-cute vibe Monster High is known for. I know it’s not a popular opinion, but I really like this canon and the direction it’s heading in.