come undone

Finally, he pulled out a coin, holding it between his fingers, “heads I stay, tails I hightail it out of here.” he mumbled to himself, getting ready to flip it. It felt as if the world slowed as the coin spun in mid air in front of him, and as he reached out to catch it, he felt a figure nudge him, causing him to fumble and drop the coin onto the ground. His 6′ 3″ frame stood slouched, staring at the coin as if it were mocking him. “Heads.” He said, glancing up at the person who had bumped him and caused it to drop. “Looks like your arrival impacted my fate. Quite literally.” He joked, leaning down to grab it before gesturing for them to go in first, “Lead the way.”

“My last kiss? A couple of months ago with this girl I was seeing. She was on vacation so it wasn’t anything serious, no.”

“There’s more than one person, so I don’t think I can answer that. I didn’t make the best decisions in high school. Hell, I still don’t.”

“People like us, we come and go, change into new people, but you come back here and realize they’ve stayed in the same place,” she spoke softly, looking over the field in front of them. Just catching Elliot’s eyes for a moment was enough to bring Caroline right back to high school, almost in the same spot they were standing in now. It had been years since they had even been in the same space, let alone experience what those memories gave her, but it was still such a strange feeling, albeit one that made her shift uncomfortably in her standing position. 

After a moment of silence (was it comfortable or not? who knew), she let out a small sigh, moving to take a seat in the bleachers a comfortable distance away from him still. “So, uh– how have you been? I hear you got to travel a little bit?” there was a timid feeling to her voice, but she tried to be civil. 

Elliot gave a small nod, shifting his gaze towards her as she moved up the bleachers and sat down. He felt the familiar burn in the pit of his stomach, which usually came after a dream, or even a rogue thought. He remembered how they’d ended things, how he’d ended things, with no real explanation or valid reason. He remembered losing it all, and missing it all. Missing her being around him, her dedication to her craft and above all else that darned smile. The smile that appeared in different ways in several of his artworks over the years. 

It wasn’t until she spoke again that Elliot snapped out of his trance and back into reality. He blinked down at her for a moment then nodded, “Europe, mostly. Some parts of Africa...” He trailed off, barely able to keep up with his own train of thought, “I didn’t think I’d see you back here.” or ever again he thought.

“Glad to hear it. You don’t want to know shit I’ve gone through because it’s very dark and depressing, and boring.” He rolled his eyes, not trying to garner sympathy but just tell it how it was. “Good to see you’re overcoming everything, you need to tell me your secret if I have to tie some people up, let me know.” His head pointed towards his parents directions, and at this point didn’t know if he was being serious or not. “Well, i’m going to be getting fucked up every day I’m here so if you want to work towards remaining on my good side - drink with me.” Elliot wasn’t on his bad side, but again, Wally held grudges.

“When everything around you is broken, you have to learn ways of repairing until it just breaks again.” Wally said, as he stood up because he could feel his body starting to tingle. This was usually a sign he was getting drunk, and he nearly stumbled over when the alcohol really started to hit him. “Shit.” He spread his legs to catch his balance. “I’m good. I feel  ten times better actually. Oh, I’m totally excited to see most people. Maybe I’m not the biggest fuck up there. And I totally want to see the looks on these guys faces when they have their girlfriends and wives, remembering that I’ve fucked them and making it as awkward as possible for them.” Wally raised his hands innocently, but in all honesty didn’t care. “Interesting, yeah. It’s a never ending cycle I can’t get out of, but there are interesting things.” He stood on the tip of his toes. “So, where are you headed? I’ve decided to tag along because I’m not in the mood to disappoint my parents until 8 PM.”

Elliot chuckled, “There isn’t any need to tie anyone up, luckily. I mean.. Not in a malicious way, anyway.” He added with a smile, “I’d love to drink with you, Wal, I mean, with anyone really, but your company isn’t half bad.” He teased, stepping back and putting his cigarette out. “I definitely feel your pain though, the first thing I want to do when I see some people is take a shot. Maybe even down a whole bottle.” 

"Whoa, whoa..” Elliot stood up, reaching over to steady Wally and laughing slightly, “I mean, I was going to suggest maybe a meal and a drink but it looks like we might need to find an alternate pass time.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket, messaging his sister that he had a work emergency and had to get back home to take care of it, “Let’s see.. What did we used to do back in school when we wanted to kill time?”

Caroline wasn’t sure what she had expected when she came home for her reunion. For a while, she wasn’t even convinced that she was old enough to even be out of high school for ten years, but once she was able to get rid of that thought, just the idea of being back in town was enough to put her into a slight culture shock. It was familiar, but still felt new, as if everything and nothing had changed in the town all at the same time. 

Not wanting to finish exploring just yet, she had opted to take a drive around the small town, to really get a chance to see everything that had changed since she had left all those years ago. She hadn’t planned on stopping at the high school, but she couldn’t resist. Stepping around the all-too familiar bleachers towards the end of her walk, she tried her best to stay quiet, as if to not disrupt the air. Of course, someone was there, and she barely noticed until it was almost too late, jumping back herself. 

“Nope, no ghost. Just me, promise,” the blonde let out an anxious laugh, bobbing on the balls of her feet slightly as she looked around their slightly lit surroundings. “It really doesn’t feel like anything’s changed around here, does it?”

Elliot rubbed his eyes, leaning back in his spot and pulling out a deck of cigarettes. “It’s absurd, how much nothing has changed.” He agreed, allowing his fingers to trace along the chips in the paint on the bleachers before tucking a cigarette between his lips and pulling out his lighter. He lit the cigarette and inhaled, taking another look at her. 

As soon as his eyes caught hers, he froze, staring at her for a moment before glancing away. He’d known almost as soon as she’d spoken, but it hadn’t quite sunken in until he looked at her. And now, he couldn’t quite manage to do anything but stare straight ahead and take another drag of his smoke. 

“well, when you put it like that, it does make me wonder if maybe i should be just a little more concerned for my wellbeing. i mean, the passion and dedication she has to her cause is very flattering, but i’d really rather not lose my dick over a mediocre hookup i had my senior year of high school. look, if i suddenly up and disappear within the next few days, you know what’s happened.”

“You were never one for seeing the bigger picture. honestly, you need to pay more attention or you may end up in a ditch somewhere. Looking like that doesn’t come easy, you know? You’ve got to be more responsible.”

“ tell me about it. ” she laughed, turning around to face the voice who had just bought her drink. “ i pretty much live on edge, it’s what i do. ” she added, eyeing him. something about him seemed familiar but she couldn’t quite but her finger on it, she never was too good with faces. “ thanks, by the way, it’s nice to know that there are some decent people left in this town, i’ll pay you back as soon as i get some cash, i’m good for it i promise. ”

“I mean, I’m only in town for a few weeks, but I’ll happily take the compliment.” He mused, taking his change from the cashier and moving over to allow the next customers to order. “But I take it that means you’re from out of town too?” He questioned, not studying her face carefully, trying to figure out whether he knew her or not. It turned out ten years definitely made a difference. “You don’t need to worry about paying me back... How about we drink these coffees together instead? We can figure out whether or not we know one another.”

Wally’s eyes went wide when the other male took a giant swig of his flask. “So you’re struggling too, huh?” The average person would normally take a small sip as straight vodka tended to not sit as well than someone like Wally and apparently Elliot. He could practically function at this point being super drunk, and alcohol brought this familiar feeling and sense of happiness that he couldn’t get while he was sober - at least not for a long duration of time. “This is all I’ll be doing while back. My dad still works for the alcohol company as an account executive - so you can imagine how big his collection is.”

Wally had a small smile on his face. “Sometimes, feeling bad is better than not feeling anything.” He shrugged, finishing the rest of his alcohol before grabbing a second flask that was in his other pocket. “In Spain? No shit. I was there last year with my dad on a business trip. Fucked with a lot of hot guys and got so drunk that I woke up on a bus. “ Again, he was a total mess. “I imagine that’s fun. You left that to come back to our reunion? I’d never come back. The only reason I’m here is…certain things but also so my parents continue to support me so I don’t live on the streets in New York and living with random dudes. Because trust me, that would happen.” He decided to just lay his back on the sidewalk. “I’m a bartender in New York. I live in an apartment on the Upper East Side of Manhattan pretty much living a party life style and emotionally damaging myself. Pretty much what I was doing here just in a different setting.” He laughed, giving the other man a wink.”You’re doing a lot better than me.”

Elliot shook his head with a smile, leaning back beside Wally. “Not struggling per se... Not anymore anyway.” He admitted, glancing over at him. “I went through some stuff a few years back, and was quite the heavy drinker myself. Still am sometimes, and my tolerance for the stuff hasn’t gone away, which is both good and bad, you know?” He looked over at him in surprise when he grabbed a second flask. 

“You’re as resourceful as I remember.” He noted with a smile, “Like I said, it’s not the worst. I haven’t been back since I left...” He explained, “Plus, I guess I kind of missed everyone, you know? It seemed like a good opportunity to catch up with everyone while they’re in the same place.” Elliot laughed slightly as Wally told tales of his life, not really surprised at the way things turned out. “Honestly, your life sounds far more interesting than mine.” He admitted.

Sighing slightly, he began to walk up the bleachers, humming along to a tune that was brought back along with the memories. He hadn’t realised that someone else had also decided now would be the right time to revisit the world they’d left behind ten years ago, in fact, when he turned around and spotted the figure a short distance away from him, he missed a step, catching himself right before he fell on his face. “Holy shit.” He groaned, turning around so he was sitting down, “You scared the shit out of me. I thought you were..” He paused, laughing slightly at how his own mind had decided to play tricks on him, “I thought you were a ghost”

Wally realized that he went too far, but he really had a hard time keeping things to himself. Nothing about that was Eli’s fault, and he knew that honestly, but he still had resentment towards it. He really should be over something like that considering it happened more than 10 years ago, but it was never resolved because he didn’t allow it to so that didn’t help. There was part of him that wanted to bring it up, but then he’d have to dig up more memories that he wanted to stay buried. “You sure, because what I said was…far.” Other words could have been used, but it was the only one he felt comfortable with.

“Just fine? Come on, I know I can’t leave shit in the past but I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to know.” He brought his knees to his chest, holding out the flask . “Take some as a means of an apology.” Wally nodded with gratitude, taking a big drag before giving it back and taking another sip. “Yeah, I figured that it’s something I should do.” Truth be told, he had more good memories than bad and maybe reliving them would allow him to feel something positive again. “Now seriously, what are you doing? I feel bad and I don’t hate you..okay? I’m dropping it but please fucking tell me what you’re doing with your life.”

Elliot chuckled, swapping his cigarette for the flask and drinking deeply, hardly feeling the harsh burn of the alcohol as it sunk through his insides. He was no stranger to the immediate relief alcohol provided, and he often spent days intoxicated, painting whatever was on his mind at the time until everything was numb. He passed back the flask and took his cigarette, throwing another glance towards where his sister’s home was, wondering if he was taking too long, but also wondering if anyone cared.

“You shouldn’t feel bad either.” He muttered, barely loud enough for Wally to hear before glancing up at him with a slight smile, “I work at an art museum in Madrid. It’s not the worst job I’ve had, and definitely not the worst place i’ve lived..” He added, bringing the cigarette back to his lips, “What about you? What have you been up to?”

“ i don’t have time for this. ” madison groaned, hanging up her phone and shoving it into her back pockets. she hadn’t even been in town a full day and people were already begging her to return to her home and get back to work. if she were being honest all she really wanted to do was catch up on some much needed sleep, but after her, quick but short, reunion with her mom she had somehow found herself at a cafe, picking up coffee for one. “ what do you mean you don’t accept cards? ” she questioned the cashier, who was now taking her order. “ you can’t just deny me coffee because i don’t carry cash, it’s the 21st century, 75% of american business is done via credit. ” she exclaimed, obviously annoyed.

Elliot walked into the cafe, one that he’d frequented as a teen, then adult and glanced around, basking in the nostalgic feeling that warmed all around him. Hardly anything had changed, in fact, he was almost certain that the set of lounges that sat in the corner of the establishment were exactly the same too. Taking a deep breath, he began to make his way to the coffee counter, overhearing the conversation the girl in front of him was having with the cashier. He pulled his wallet from his back pocket and leaned over her, passing the employee a twenty, “A long black, please. And whatever she’s having.” He glanced down at the girl, shooting her a warm smile in greeting. “Seems like everyone’s a little on edge today.”

“i’ve been back for not even twenty-four hours and my car has already been keyed by some chick i fucked senior year. however, she was kind enough to leave me a note and explain her reasoning. apparently, i fucked her and her sister and never called either of them back… at this point, i don’t know whether to be concerned or flattered by the fact that i’ve apparently been on her mind for the past ten years. i mean, is it weird that i’m slightly turned on?”

“I mean, I hate to break this to you my friend but it’s definitely weird. And I’m not just talking about the fact that you’re turned on, I’m moreso talking about the fact that the girl somehow knew exactly when you were coming, what kind of car you’d be driving, and where you’d be parked. Unless she just goes around keying everyone’s cars and leaving notes in hope that it’ll be yours.”

Wally in his tipsy haze realized who the man standing in front of him was. The man, who was younger at the time, was a crush that Wally had when he was a teenager and finally came to terms with his sexuality. He couldn’t recall the last conversation they had outside of small words when they graduated from high school ten short years ago. The petty part in him that still was bitter about it to this day wanted to come out, but he realized that he should somewhat act grown up.

The two were more than likely friends on social media platforms, but in all honesty Wally remembers going through several drunk traumatic experiences where he unfollowed Elliot - the first man guy he had strong feelings for that weren’t reciprocated. “Well, the darkest parts of my past have been surprising me from the time i got at around 4:00 pm until about…what time did you get here?” He peaked at his Apple Watch, it was only for show for the inevitable petty remark he was about to make.”I’m going to say that you got to me around. 5:10 PM. I’m always miserable though so don’t take offense.”

He took a deep breath, feeling for the flask in his pocket that had been filled with alcohol that he quickly filled before his parents realized what he’d been doing. Clearly Wally had been just as damaged as he was in high school, actually a lot worse. Wally realized just how intense his words had been, and he immediately closed his eyes when the alcohol his his throat. “Sorry..That slipped..” Wally took a second deep breath.”How’s your life been?”

Eli stared at Wally for a minute, taking in everything about him. The way he spoke, his mannerisms and that flask of liquor he’d taken a swig from. He sighed heavily and walked over, lowering himself down beside him. “No need to apologise.” He brought the cigarette back to his lips, taking a deep drag. 

He remembered when he’d first met Wally back in high school. Elliot had immediately taken a liking to him. He recognised that what he was going through was incredibly difficult and he had somehow took it upon himself to be there for him, even if Wally hadn’t asked for it. There was a moment when things became more complicated than that, and Elliot couldn’t help but feel his stomach churn in guilt whenever he thought about it.

He allowed the Wally’s question to linger between them for a minute, not quite sure how to answer. He could go the conventional route. Tell him about his job in Spain. About what he’d been up to since graduation, but he knew Wally didn’t particularly care. "It’s been fine.” He responded casually, moving his gaze to look at him. “Are you back for the reunion then?” He asked, offering him a drag of his cigarette.

Wally already dreaded come back to town, and it didn’t help that his parents already got into an argument with him not even 20 minutes into walking into the door. They were angry about him having alcohol on his breath - courtesy of the airport bar and an elderly gentleman who saw Wally on grindr and decided to shot an already missing shot.

He was a functioning alcoholic who gained his love of arguing from the very people that gave birth to him. There was a shouting match that practically went into the yard, and rather than deal with it any longer Wally just walked out into the yard and sat on the nearest curb, running his hands through his hair and yelling ‘FUCK’ loudly. This was going to be his entire experience while being home, which meant that he was going to be more miserable than he already was. Wally had been so focused on the ground it took him a moment to notice the shadow that suddenly blacked out the sun.

“Did you happen to film that entire altercation that I know you saw? Please send it to me so I can look at it and have an excuse to chug the biggest bottle of vodka at any time.” Wally laughed at himself before getting a good look at the person. “Wow, hello-”

It had only been a few hours since Eli had landed back into the US, and though the jet lag was beginning to creep up on him, he had decided to push through. He figured he owed his family that much, and told himself that as he ducked out of the family lunch, deciding now was the perfect moment to sneak a cigarette.

He began to walk, creating distance between himself and his sisters home, knowing that he should give himself some time to ward the smell of smoke off. Sure he was grown, but he knew that if he made it too obvious, he wouldn’t hear the end of it. At least if the smell was faint and not so obvious he could blame it on something else. So he continued to walk, pulling out his phone and scanning his messages. With his eyes still locked onto his phone, Eli pulled a smoke from his back pocket and moved to light it, but his attention was captured by people cursing loudly a few houses down. 

He lit the cigarette and moved towards the figure on the curb, slowing down when was near. He glanced back towards his sisters house, wondering if he should just mind his own business or allow his curiosity to get the better of him. His decision was made for him when the figure sitting on the curb spoke directly at him. He glanced back at him and raised an eyebrow, recognising Wally when he spoke again. He exhaled cigarette smoke, looking away from him and clearing his throat. “Hey... Stupid question, but are you alright?”