Hi, I'm Ellie

“Many people, especially ignorant people, want to punish you for speaking the truth, for being correct, for being you.

Never apologize for being correct, or for being years ahead of your time.

If you’re right and you know it, speak your mind. Even if you are a minority of one, the truth is still the truth.”

“It is the duty of a woman to be obedient to her husband, and unless she is, I would not give a damn for all her queenly right and authority…”

Sure, Kimball isn’t alive today and no Mormon leader (at least the ones at the top) would dare utter such harsh words in public now. But the temple wording still reflects this view, as does the proclamation to the family. From personal experience, there are plenty of men in the church that prescribe to this authoritative sexism.

LDS women are primarily valued for their purity prior to marriage and for their uterus and homemaking skills after.

THEY DON’T  JUST  “FEEL” THEY HAVE BEEN TREATED POORLY, THE EVIDENCE SHOWS THEY WERE IN FACT TREATED POORLY !!!!  THIS IS BLACK AND WHITE !!!  THERE IS NO WAY TO COVER IT UP !!!

_____________________________________________

—  April 12, SLTrib publishes Madi Barney story.

—  Eight days later, President of BYU releases a poorly produced 3 minute interview that tries to say all the right things but in the end sort of dances around the issues and says “we’ll start looking at this.” Deseret News covers this interview.

—  On May 19, after being absolutely pummeled by the press for over a month straight, the Church decides to get huffy with the SLTrib, accuse them of participating in “gotcha journalism,” and finally make the statement linked in the title.

Nevermind that the Church owns its own newspaper and other media outlets. Nevermind that we know that “prophets seers and revelators” are closely watching everything going on at BYU (and should thus be able to “reveal” a solution from God). Nevermind that there never has been and never will be any excuse for not quickly and unequivocally condemning sexual assault in any form as well as any policy that allows or encourages it to go unreported. Nevermind all the lies and cover up by the Honor Code office and the local police and local prosecutors office about how the Honor Code Office got Barney’s police report. Nevermind the mountains of evidence produced by the SLTrib that the honor code is the cause of serious problems when it comes to sexual assault.

A Sunday without long meetings or obligations away from family

A 10% raise

A warm cup of coffee in the morning

An occassional glass of wine

A curious mind, open to new learning

Loving and supporting others unconditionally

Decorating my “Temple” with tattoos and jewelry

Comfortable, fitting clothing in all weather

Being able to trust my own mind to not “deceive” itself

Relationships built on trust and mutual respect 

Less judging those who don’t fit “church standards”

No more guilt over trivial, human imperfections

No more guilt over pleasure and healthy sexuality

No more fear of “The World” or its residents

No more oppressive dogma

No more feelings of worthlessness 

Reclaiming who I am, and learning to love myself

“Every single action of god in the bible, the quran and the torah took place inside that little circle”

So I’ve seen all the anti-Mormon posts polluting the tags, offending and hurting our community here on Tumblr. And, in all honesty, I really can’t take it seriously. See, I spent years as an anti-Mormon myself, so whenever I see the “educating and enlightening” posts on the truths of Mormonism, I’m like, “Pffft. Been there, done that.”

I did all the same stuff they’re doing. I tried to “save” my family and friends from the Mormon myth, and I used all the same tactics. I pointed to Polygamy as proof that the faith started as a sex cult, I showed my family documentaries about the illegitimacy of the Book of Mormon, the incorrectly translated papyrus from the Book of Abraham, the underhanded dealings revolving around Joseph Smith, Brigham Young’s obvious racism, Mountain Meadows massacre, you name it. If I thought it would weaken people’s testimony and weaken the influence Mormonism had on my life and community, I told the whole world about it.

And did it do any good? Nope. Mormons – like my mom and dad – shrugged their shoulders and went on believing. And for the record, my parents weren’t even active most of my life. They still aren’t. But they do believe. 

And that’s when I (finally) realized that my opinions about Mormonism and the Church basically meant zilch. What I had was a personal vendetta born out my feelings of disappointment and rejection because of disagreement with Church teachings. I, in my immaturity, had thought that my disagreeing meant the Church and the Restored Gospel couldn’t be true, blah, blah, blah. I had failed to see that my personal testimony had nothing to do with the Church and so I allowed myself to be carried off into a whirlwind of anti-Mormon nonsense to help deal with it. I thought that if I could convince others that the Church was fraudulent and leaving Mormonism was best, then my choice to leave would be legitimate. And I made myself believe that I was somehow superior, because I wasn’t going to believe in a faith as ridiculous as Mormonism or stay in a Church that I believed was homophobic and sexist. I actually thought I was smarter than believing Mormons. 

But I realized I was wrong and I stopped. I allowed myself to have a testimony, despite my disagreements with official Church policy and reclaimed my faith. Now I believe too. 

So, nowadays when I see anti-Mormon posts, all I see is a group of people who have been hurt or disappointed in some way by the actions of an imperfect people of an imperfect church and can’t let it go. Or people who have a preoccupation with making sure that everyone they think is wrong knows it and why. Either way, it’s a dismal and unfulfilled life. I should know, I lived it. And I pray every day that these people are comforted soon, that they might be able to lay down their grievances and let it be, or else come back into the fold and be healed. If anything, they desperately need to understand that their fight will not destroy the faith of millions of people – it will only make themselves more bitter and intolerant. 

And I bare my testimony that I believe with all my heart that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is true. I believe in the Book of Mormon, that it is the word of God, and is another testimony of Jesus Christ. I believe that Joseph Smith was a true Prophet of God, called to restore the Gospel in these latter days. I believe that Thomas S. Monson is a living Prophet today, that he does speak to and receive revelation from our Heavenly Father for the betterment of all mankind. And I say these things in the name of our beloved Savior, even Jesus Christ, Amen.

 and then do a complete 180 and go back to the no-logic-required testimony track 

 How did they manage to unsee what they’d seen? Unlearn what they’d learned? The evidence they listed to “save” their family members still exists 

Labeling historical facts “anti-Mormon” doesn’t make them untrue 

Wait what? 

Labeling historical facts “anti-Mormon” doesn’t make them untrue 

Consciously, deliberately, choosing to ignore historical documents–a not-so-small number of documents that are damning pieces of evidence against LDS truth claims–is just idk 

idk 

 I can’t even

I can live with the contradiction. Many cannot. What’s nice about religion is that it’s usually personal. You may not be able to comprehend my choices, but in the end you don’t need to. It’s my faith, not yours. And you can think whatever you like about me. It has little effect on me or my self-esteem. If you’re happier being an atheist, good for you. I’m glad you’re happy. I’m happy believing in a seemingly impossible and utterly ridiculous religion that gives me hope and helps me live life to the fullest. 

And you're right--it doesn't matter if I comprehend your decisions, and it doesn't matter to you what I think as you continue living your life.

The tone of my post wasn't nice--I chose to let my angry skeptic side out while writing it, and I'm sorry if that offended you. Your post did give me some things to think about. The idea of being able to live with that contradiction, as you said, seems impossible to me right now, although it's something I've been pondering for a while (regarding spirituality in general).

All that being said, I'm not going to apologize or stop using generic hashtags like #mormon in my posts. Many of my posts are about Mormonism, and the hashtag is appropriate. If an active member sees one of my posts and reads it--okay then. They can take that information and do what they want. As I said earlier, historical facts are still facts, no matter what label you give them. If solid evidence makes someone feel uncomfortable, I hope that will lead them to start thinking deeply and critically about the things they know. People can't make the fully-informed decision you've made to happily and fully live a contradiction if they're never even been exposed to all of the information.

So I’ve seen all the anti-Mormon posts polluting the tags, offending and hurting our community here on Tumblr. And, in all honesty, I really can’t take it seriously. See, I spent years as an anti-Mormon myself, so whenever I see the “educating and enlightening” posts on the truths of Mormonism, I’m like, “Pffft. Been there, done that.”

I did all the same stuff they’re doing. I tried to “save” my family and friends from the Mormon myth, and I used all the same tactics. I pointed to Polygamy as proof that the faith started as a sex cult, I showed my family documentaries about the illegitimacy of the Book of Mormon, the incorrectly translated papyrus from the Book of Abraham, the underhanded dealings revolving around Joseph Smith, Brigham Young’s obvious racism, Mountain Meadows massacre, you name it. If I thought it would weaken people’s testimony and weaken the influence Mormonism had on my life and community, I told the whole world about it.

And did it do any good? Nope. Mormons – like my mom and dad – shrugged their shoulders and went on believing. And for the record, my parents weren’t even active most of my life. They still aren’t. But they do believe. 

And that’s when I (finally) realized that my opinions about Mormonism and the Church basically meant zilch. What I had was a personal vendetta born out my feelings of disappointment and rejection because of disagreement with Church teachings. I, in my immaturity, had thought that my disagreeing meant the Church and the Restored Gospel couldn’t be true, blah, blah, blah. I had failed to see that my personal testimony had nothing to do with the Church and so I allowed myself to be carried off into a whirlwind of anti-Mormon nonsense to help deal with it. I thought that if I could convince others that the Church was fraudulent and leaving Mormonism was best, then my choice to leave would be legitimate. And I made myself believe that I was somehow superior, because I wasn’t going to believe in a faith as ridiculous as Mormonism or stay in a Church that I believed was homophobic and sexist. I actually thought I was smarter than believing Mormons. 

But I realized I was wrong and I stopped. I allowed myself to have a testimony, despite my disagreements with official Church policy and reclaimed my faith. Now I believe too. 

So, nowadays when I see anti-Mormon posts, all I see is a group of people who have been hurt or disappointed in some way by the actions of an imperfect people of an imperfect church and can’t let it go. Or people who have a preoccupation with making sure that everyone they think is wrong knows it and why. Either way, it’s a dismal and unfulfilled life. I should know, I lived it. And I pray every day that these people are comforted soon, that they might be able to lay down their grievances and let it be, or else come back into the fold and be healed. If anything, they desperately need to understand that their fight will not destroy the faith of millions of people – it will only make themselves more bitter and intolerant. 

And I bare my testimony that I believe with all my heart that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is true. I believe in the Book of Mormon, that it is the word of God, and is another testimony of Jesus Christ. I believe that Joseph Smith was a true Prophet of God, called to restore the Gospel in these latter days. I believe that Thomas S. Monson is a living Prophet today, that he does speak to and receive revelation from our Heavenly Father for the betterment of all mankind. And I say these things in the name of our beloved Savior, even Jesus Christ, Amen.

 and then do a complete 180 and go back to the no-logic-required testimony track 

 How did they manage to unsee what they'd seen? Unlearn what they'd learned? The evidence they listed to "save" their family members still exists 

Labeling historical facts "anti-Mormon" doesn't make them untrue 

Wait what? 

Labeling historical facts "anti-Mormon" doesn't make them untrue 

Consciously, deliberately, choosing to ignore historical documents--a not-so-small number of documents that are damning pieces of evidence against LDS truth claims--is just idk 

idk 

 I can't even