Thoughts Along the Way

Since I have been home, I have realized some of the many ways in which I have changed and grown. Here are some of those realizations:

I have a much stronger dislike of waste. The fact that “there are starving children in Africa” is no longer some cliché statement. It is very real to me. A couple weeks ago, my brother threw out an old pair of tennis shoes. I agreed that they were worn and not very good for him to continue to wear, but I know at least twenty kids who would love to have a pair of shoes in that good of condition!

I have a desire to downsize and simplify, to own fewer things. I donated a bunch of clothing to the St. Bridget’s Grand Garage Sale, and I still feel like I have too much.

I have a greater frustration with excessive drinking, the belligerence it causes, how out-of-control people become, and the “excuse” of alcohol. So many people don’t feel responsible for their actions while they’re drunk. And it’s wasteful!

That being said, I am more open to drinking and more comfortable around alcohol. I also learned something really important: I can be good friends with many of these people who party really hard. I used to judge them excessively, and I prematurely wrote them all off. I learned not to judge each person based on who they are when drunk but to take the time to get to know them sober and kindle friendships. I also learned that I can have fun at bars without drinking.

I have become less judgmental as a whole. Much of this comes from having more knowledge and, therefore, less room for stereotypes to take root. It also comes from greater curiosity replacing the tendency to prematurely judge.

I am more curious about other religions. I really want to learn more, engage in more conversations, and attend a variety of church services. I also want to deepen my own faith.

I have a stronger desire to learn more about government and policy and to be informed – both about the US government and the South African government (and other international governments).

I am more open to trying new things – especially new foods.

I am more sensitive to anything “South Africa” – news, music, movies, currency exchange rates, etc.

I have a greater appreciation for real people. Even if we’re complete opposites, we can get along if you just take off that mask and show me your real self.

I am more appreciative of how safe it is at home and the freedom and flexibility that comes with this safety.

I am more confident in my ability to navigate a new place – including a foreign country. I feel like I would be completely capable of doing an external study abroad program.

I really want to travel more. I want to see more and learn more.

As a result of service learning, I am a better teacher, more patient, and more comfortable with kids. I am a more confident vocalist, and I have a more developed voice. I have a completely different view of poverty!

I am more relaxed: with time, with kids playing with my hair, with schedules, and more. I’m not sure this is entirely good…

I am less sure of what to do next…

            There’s peace

In missing

            There are memories

In absence

            Somehow there’s presence

In physical weakness

            Soul Strength

In falling

I heard Chris Daughtry’s I’m Coming Home at a concert in late May, and the words kind of stuck with me (even though parts of my really didn’t want to leave PE). I’m coming home… to the place where I belong, where love has always been enough for me …these faces and these places are getting old… so I’m coming home…

It’s hard to believe that I’ve been home for over a month now. In some ways, I feel like I just got home yesterday. In other ways, it seems like it’s been a year since I got home. I have learned so much in this month. Perhaps it is more accurate to say that in the last month I have discovered so much about what I learned while I was abroad.

Before I came home, I made a list of what I was looking forward to, and here it is: More regularly seeing and conversing with friends at home, triathlon and bike race training, playing clarinet, my pets, Chill on the Hill (free concerts in the park), walking around alone and at night without worrying about my safety, driving or biking where I need to go and not relying on unpredictable transportation, less expensive and more frequent phone conversations, access to my chiropractor, washing machines, spectating at the Nature Valley Grand Prix pro bike races, Mexican food, good ol’ Wisconsin milk and cheese, turkey sandwiches, and mashed potatoes.

While I have been thankful to return to many of the things on my list, I have surprised myself in some ways. I haven’t been as focused on triathlon training as I thought I would be. I’ve enjoyed returning to biking, but not as much as I anticipated. It turns out that it is painful to get back into biking after a hiatus! Additionally, I am coming to the realization that I simply don’t have enough time to dedicate to triathlon training this summer. I also have yet to touch my clarinet…

Here’s what I’ve actually appreciated since I’ve returned: friends, family, Bible study, free concerts, my own bed and bedroom, biking, my many first-world blessings (plenty of food, water, clothing, adequate shelter, a good and well-paying job, a great education, reliable transportation, safety, comfort, pets), and stimulating conversations with people who genuinely want to know about my experience and learn about South Africa.

I frequently find myself missing countless elements of South Africa: my kids at Missionvale, my friends from the trip, the ocean, sunrises over the bay, the more relaxed lifestyle, a shorter to-do list, fewer worries, and a simplified life.

I have been forever impacted by my experience. One element of my life that has been redirected is my plan for after I finish my undergraduate degree. For at least four years, I have planned to go to grad school after finishing my undergrad. After having my heart touched by the kids at Missionvale Care Center Academy and countless other people in South Africa, I am seriously considering volunteering for a year after graduation and before going to grad school. I’m excited (though admittedly a bit afraid) to see what God has in store for me.

As part of our service learning, we fundraised for our volunteer sites. I raised additional funds for the netball project at Missionvale to cover the cost of the whole netball project. This is what we did with the money we raised:

Pendla:

-maintenance person salary

-hygiene day

-86 chairs for classroom

  House of Resurrection:

-donation to technology center (purchase of 6 laptops)

  Missionvale:

-built compost

-purchase garden tools

-purchase uniforms (track jackets for winter)

-purchase netballs and netball fourteen uniforms

-donation to clinic for purchasing medication

-donation to nutrition center for purchasing food for weekly parcels (511 families receive 4 parcels a month. Each parcel costs R30, so this projects costs R15000 per week)

I only have a few moments to write because our driver, Shaddley, is here to take us to the airport.

It has been an incredible adventure here in South Africa. I will miss so many people and things about this place.

Thanks to all of you who have followed me blog. I will continue to post in the next few weeks, so stay tuned if you want to read more about my adventures here!

 What challenges did you experience while volunteering and how are you planning to overcome them?

Today I said “goodbye” to my kids. Despite all of the challenges I have encountered throughout the semester, this has been the most challenging day at service learning. I started the morning by singing with the choir. The kids sang better today than they have any other day this semester. In my math lessons with the fourth and fifth graders, I taught the final multiplication song. I was proud to see them catch on so quickly. In these ways, it felt like a normal day. However, it was far from a normal day.

I feel like I said “goodbye” a thousand times today. Reality set in at a few different points, and I choked up a few times throughout the morning. Between the never-ending picture requests during recess, the numerous times children told me “I’m going to miss you,” and the countless hugs accompanied by “I love you,” I know that I have touched these kids’ lives, and it is hard for all of us to say goodbye.

Several of my kids asked, “When will you be back?” It broke my heart to tell them, “I don’t know.” I do not know whether or not I will come back to South Africa and have an opportunity to see my kids again. If I’m being realistic, I know that I probably will not see these kids, who had such a significant impact on my South African experience. Sometimes my realistic self frustrates me.

I printed out pictures for each of my students. They received either a class photo or a picture of themselves with me. I wrote a goodbye/thank you note to each kid. As I handed a picture to each excited kid, I told them that these pictures are meant to help them remember me and their classmates. I also said, “I have each of these pictures on my computer, so I can remember your faces and all of the lessons I learned from you.” We might not get to see each other face-to-face, and today’s goodbyes might mean forever. However, I know my kids will be with me in my heart and my memories.

During the ride home from service learning, I listened to “My Wish” by the Rascal Flatts. Some of the lyrics that really hit me are I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow and may your dreams stay big, your worries stay small. I realize now that the days are rarely easy for the impoverished people in Missionvale. I may have been the only person to ever encourage these children to dream big. Their worries are not so small; they have good reason to worry about whether or not they will eat tomorrow. These thoughts caused me to tear up and my heart to ache.

I do not worry about whether or not the kids will remember me in the future. Regardless of whether they remember my name, where I am from, and my birthday, I know that I have helped them learn to multiply, read, and sing. These are skills they will use for the rest of their lives. I hope they will remember that I helped them hone these skills, but it is not important that my legacy remains in their memories. Imparting knowledge and understanding is more than enough or a legacy.

What areas for growth have you identified in yourself this week?

On Monday, I worked with the choir and taught math to the fourth and fifth graders. I was hoping that the choir kids would behave as well as they did last Monday, but they acted worse than usual. We let them listen to our own recorded music and then tried to record videos of them singing the songs they have been practicing. We encouraged them to listen, pay attention, and follow directions by telling them they could watch their videos at the end of class if we accomplished everything. This didn’t really work, though. We barely managed to record each of the songs, and we only accomplished this after reminding the kids that we have only see them once more. This hour with the choir helped me realize I need to work on being both more patient and more assertive. I want to become more understanding; I must remember that at the end of the day, they’re still kids, and sometimes they’re going to be squirmy. Also, I think our teamwork could be improved by not interrupting each other as much as we tend to do.

Teaching the fifth grade math lesson went pretty well. I taught them about length and units of measurement. They weren’t listening very well at first, but I managed to remedy that. I was able to get them to write quickly for a change. It is interesting how the South African tendency to lack a sense of urgency spills into the classroom. I have emphasized the need for speed and efficiency in math all semester, and I am glad to finally see this take root in the kids’ minds and show through in their daily work. At the same time, I think I could benefit from adopting South Africans’ relaxed approach to life. I try to do so much and sometimes do not take enough time to savor the important moments. South Africans seem to do a better job of this. I hope to find a happy medium.

The fourth grade teacher was not at school, so I found the next lesson in their textbook and taught the students about 2-dimensional shapes. Days like this keep me acting on my toes, and I have grown immensely from these experiences. I have become more flexible, and I can continue to grow more so.

During break, I let Leche and her best friend, Leona, play with my hair. This pushes me to relax and to be more carefree. I’m not one to focus on my appearance, but letting children give me new hair styles is making me even less concerned about how I look. Besides, the kids know the truth: you are far more beautiful when children have run their fingers through your hair.