champagne problems.

Campbell: Blaine, darling, if you're free this afternoon I'd love to meet for a latte. I have an idea I'd like to get your opinion on.

It’s a pleasure from this direction too, Blaine Anderson. It sounds like you’re the guy to know, you’ve got all the details down. I wonder what else those pretty eyes have seen. Thanks, I’ll keep all of this in mind. What do you like to do for fun?

Why, thank you, I try. I must admit that my extracurriculars keep me pretty busy, but whenever I’m not working on something for Glee, drama, cheer or any of my other clubs, I usually hang out at the Lima Bean or the mall. And at Scandals and Rinky Dinks too sometimes, as I’m a sucker for karaoke. How about you? Is there anything that caught your eye so far?

It’ll be your loss, Anderson. I can be the bigger person and forgive you though, I’ll pray for you. The God Squad meetings are more for us women anyway, we drag our boyfriends along for training. The last thing any of us want is a big old, bearish man-hand trying to slide up our skirt. You’re heroic, thank you. We’ll manage, you are right though. What about you? What’s up on the musical spectrum? Don’t forget, we still need to work on that split.

Thank you, I think. I appreciate the thought, Fabray. And that actually makes a lot of sense, considering what some of them are like. I don’t think it’s heroic, it really is the least I can do, but thank you either way. Well, unfortunately, a few of our best voices in Glee club have graduated, but I’m sure we’ll be able to fill their spots soon and I’m really excited to get started again. And don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten about that. I’ve actually been practicing a lot lately.

Blaine Anderson, magnanimous as always- I certainly wouldn’t expect anything less. How are you, darling? I hope this year is treating you well so far. Have you considered any clubs or extracurriculars this year? We’d love to see you join us for Student Government this year. I know you’d be an excellent addition. 

I try, I try. It certainly is! And I’m doing pretty good, thank you. How about you? How are you? It’s been way too long! You know, I’ve actually been wanting to join for quite a while now, but I always felt like I had a bit too much on my plate to add yet another thing. This feels like the right moment, though, so I might take you up on that offer. Are there any extracurriculars you’re considering joining this year? 

Hey, man. Cool intro, it is much appreciated from a new face like myself. I’m Dave Karofsky. It’s cool of you to offer tours and stuff. This school is so big, I’m still getting turned around. What classes are you taking? Maybe we’ll wind up in something together. 

Thanks! It’s nice to meet you, Dave. Are you one of the scholarship students? God, it is massive, isn’t it? I’m sure you’ll be able to navigate this place with ease soon enough, though. Well, I’m majoring in Musical Theatre and minoring in Musicology and International Business, so most of my classes are related to acting, music and dance in some way, with some business, finances and management thrown into the mix. What about you? What classes are you taking? I’m sure we’ll see each other around, even if we don’t share any classes!

Remember everyone, the God Squad meets every day after classes to discuss the world and participate in exercises to make sure that we all stay pure and let no one question our public image. As captain of this and the cheerleading team, I think there are a few of you out there that could use the help before the girls get out on the field to practice– I’ve seen you watching from the bleachers, you know who you are, pervs. 

PRIVATE ADDITION FOR GOD SQUAD AND CHEERLEADERS ONLY: Never forget, it’s all about the teasing and not about the pleasing. Use what you have but don’t let it get too far. The angels will know if you fail.

I’m afraid I’m going to have to pass on the God Squad meeting, but I admire your dedication, Quinn. And I’ll see you at practice, of course. I’m sorry you guys still have to deal with those creeps. The way that some of them stare at you is just unbelievable, and it always makes me want to block their view for a moment, just to make them stop ogling you girls.

Well, now is probably a good time to introduce myself. For the few of you that don’t know me yet, at least. I’m Patrick Blanco Commerford, you probably know my father– that’s how the rich world works, after all. We all know each other, or at least… of each other. So what do you people do for fun around here?

I’ll admit that I have heard about you, but it’s a pleasure to officially meet you, Patrick! I’m Blaine Anderson. And that all depends on what you consider fun. There are plenty of clubs, restaurants, a mall, a skating rink and all kinds of other things, so there is more than enough to explore.