ugly confessions

Personality:

Core Traits

• Survivor’s Edge → Hyper-alert, quick to adapt, always scanning her environment. She never truly relaxes.

• Soldier Discipline → Trains herself daily with the mindset: “I’m preparing to die if I must.” Duty-driven, mission-focused.

• Guarded & Wary → Has walls up emotionally. Trust is earned slowly, and she hates feeling vulnerable.

• Blunt Honesty → Doesn’t sugarcoat. If she thinks something’s stupid, she’ll say it. She respects strength and authenticity.

• Quietly Compassionate → Beneath the armor, she has an enormous heart. She cares fiercely, but shows it through action, not words.

• Haunted → She’s terrified of the Phoenix and what it means, but she won’t admit fear unless pushed to the breaking point.

Strengths

• Resourceful in combat, fights like someone who’s had to survive with nothing.

• Strategically smart, she thinks three moves ahead.

• Loyal once she chooses someone, she’ll fight to the death for them.

Flaws

• Can be reckless when emotions take over.

• Struggles to let others in, pushes away people who care.

• Lives like she’s on borrowed time, which makes her both bold and self-destructive.

Quirks (some of these are kinda sad)

Hyper-alert sleeper → The slightest sound wakes her instantly.

• Never sits with her back to a door → Always positions herself to see exits.

• Holds her breath when overwhelmed → A coping mechanism from childhood stress.

• Keeps count of things (steps, bullets, heartbeats in silence) it calms her.

• Doesn’t celebrate birthdays → Feels guilty about existing when so many others didn’t survive.

Likes to hum or tap rhythms while cleaning weapons or waiting.

• Collects shiny trinkets (coins, buttons, scraps) and hides them like little treasures.

• Eats food too hot because she’s impatient, always burns her tongue.

• Has a sarcastic deadpan humor → She’ll mutter dry one-liners in the middle of chaos.

• Loves animals (they don’t lie, they just are). A stray dog or bird gets her full attention.

• Secretly loves soft blankets — the closest thing to comfort she lets herself have.

• Smiles when she sees kids playing — reminds her of a world she didn’t get to have.

• Keeps a small journal → not of feelings, but of strategies, sketches, and odd thoughts.

So here I am…. sorta kinda trying. Reaching. Writing this down so I can’t run from it anymore.

By the end of next year, I want to start building the life I’ve always imagined.

• I want to train my body into something strong, something alive, athletic, toned, capable. I don’t want to be fragile; I want to look and feel like I could fight for something bigger than myself.

• I want my words to live outside of my notebooks. I want people to read my stories, my poems, my ideas. The Jester’s Lament, The Flightless Bird. These things that keep me awake at night and deserve to breathe in the world.

• And most of all, I want to act. Not just to perform, but to embody. To carry characters who feel broken and human and still dare to rise.

Maybe every girl dreams of that, but I can’t shake it. I burn for it. It consumes me. And if I don’t fight for it now, I’ll never know if I could have been more than just another girl in a small town with a secret wish.

As I bring this vision to life, I’d love your input! Choosing the perfect title is one of the hardest parts, and I want it to truly capture the soul of this book. Here are a few ideas I’m considering:

1. Flightless Bird

2. To The Bone

3. In Its Wake

4. Of Crows and Quiet Mornings

DO NOT LEAVE HATE UNDER THIS POST OR ON MY PAGE.

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This is not normally my content, and many of you don’t know me personally. But I was and still am a huge One Direction fan. Liam’s passing has left me heartbroken, truly.

Even as I write this post it still doesn’t feel real. It should never have to feel real in the first place. Mourning one of the people I looked up to is devastating and tragic. Especially a member of the band who did so much for me, this still doesn’t make sense…

How can there be another one direction anniversary, not one for celebrating the boys, but for mourning one? What do you mean there’ll come a time when we say, “It’s been five years since Liam passed” or “It’s been ten”? Just two days ago, he was alive, breathing in this world—he should be alive now. Yet here we are, marking time in shadows, having to count the days that he will never see, and counting the days when we stopped seeing him.

I know this post is selfish as I do not have a personal relationship with Liam Payne, but I don’t care. There’s still that hollow, distant ache from knowing he’s gone. And not just “hiatus” gone, but truly gone.

I hope this post finds the right people, who are also mourning and grieving such a tragic loss.

Yes, I am aware of his situation and the likely allegations against him, but it’s still hard to say goodbye to someone who shaped your childhood. Who is the reason for so many friendships and memories? I will always be thankful for him, not just One Direction. It was Liam who connected me to one of my best friends.

Years ago, One Direction wasn’t just music for me—it was the thread that connected me to my best friend. We bonded over every song, every lyric, every interview, and so much of that joy came from Liam. We used to sit in class, quoting his lines and dance from “Best Song Ever” like it was our little secret, laughing when no one else got it.

I’ll never forget how alive we felt in those moments, reciting his words like they belonged to us. He made us feel like we were part of something bigger like we were in on this beautiful world he helped create. Every note he sang, every lyric he penned, every hour spent shaping sounds in the studio breathed life into One Direction, elevating them to their brightest heights. His voice, his vision—he was woven into the very spirit of what made them unforgettable. He was a constant source of comfort and happiness, something that lifted us when everything else felt so heavy. He was inspiring in a way that few people can be—he showed that vulnerability and strength could exist together and that it’s okay to be real in a world that sometimes demands you to be perfect. But despite it all, Liam was a light—one that would never go out.

So say what you will about him, but I will still grieve over him.

Thank you Leeroy for the best memories a girl could have 🩷 Your absence will be noticed.

May peace and kindness finally find you 💜💔

Praying for his family, especially the son he left behind. I know what a fatherly absence feels like and wouldn’t wish it on anyone, especially such a young child. Can’t imagine his confusion and anger right now.

my baby’s ways of smiling 🥹 sweet girl 🫶🏻