proud orange juice hater

you come home after a long day of work with your briefcase. you've filed so many papers today and your employer says he will give you a raise of two emeralds if you keep up the good work. you need that raise. you've got a wife and child waiting for you at home.

you walk in the door and hang up your hat on the hook. remove your coat. put down your briefcase. and walk into the kitchen, where you can smell something cooking. you pause before saying anything, drinking in the tall figure of your wife before greeting it softly. it startles slightly before turning around to meet your eyes and growling at you affectionately.

ah, your wife. beautiful but sometimes incomprehensible (as all wives often end up being). why it ever settled for someone like you, you'll never know but you thank the minecraft gods every day that it did. you embrace one another, its arms wrapping around you like some sort of eldritch mr tickle and it crackles softly, gesturing to the pan of food on the stovetop.

you can't see what's in there and you absolutely did not understand what it said but you nod and smile anyway. "it looks delicious, sweetheart. I can't wait to try it, you always make the most tasty food." this seems to be the right answer as you see a light purple blush paint its face. it seems you have a while until the food will be ready, so you press a smooch to its cheek before asking, "where's the kiddo?"

the reply comes out as garbled as every other word that comes out of its mouth, but you know what your wife said this time. after all, your child is always in its crib. with a final squeeze, you untangle yourself from the hug and head upstairs.

your child wiggles happily when it sees you, making sweet little slurping noises that you've chosen to interpret as "welcome home, parent!" you go to pet its head but the little one bites your fingers. you laugh it off, even as internally you cry a little bit.

you know what i appreciate about apple juice? the lack of pulp. never have i gone into a store and looked at the apple juice and worried "oh shit what if this has pulp in it?" no. why? because it's the superior juice.