Elegy Sonnet

My Artfight for @sealemoons

It's more so specifically to do in the last episode you know the "I never needed either of you" cause like before I thought that was because N and V went along with Uzi in trying to fight Cyn and J being slighted by that, which could very much still be the case. But like now I see J was really bummed out by needing to lie to N and V about their true boss and actually hinted at them being her family (and that you should never lie to them). And then V giving her the pen and brightening her up a little bit so now I just have a bunch of conflicting emotions about that.

Liam has said J was more of the thankless older sibling/ leader which I was totally seeing but now? You really going to say that V giving her a gift plus them having team bonding exercises isn't at least some sort of gratitude or thanks? Now I can't really tell if she was just lying to herself when she said that line or if she was just high on emotion or what. I don't know maybe I'm reading too much into a single line dialogue, but I feel like I just need some kind of feedback on it before I go crazy thinking about it. I can literally piece together every other line she says throughout the series and her actions in it too with the short (Thanks to some other posts) but this... sooo, thanks if you actually see this.

I'm kinda laughing at being called a "professional" Murder Drones fan but I will gladly rip into it because I have so many thoughts on it.

"I never needed either of you." Is DEFINITELY a huge cope on J's behalf. Like, let's be so real. J was actually a good leader, even if she was incredibly cruel to N behind closed doors (V wouldn't have noticed how bad exactly it was and N wouldn't say how bad it was bc it would just be normal to him) she very clearly did care about them. Even just when "Tessa" told J to go off alone and let her go with N, V, and Uzi to the labs... Like, she was genuinely concerned, and the fact she knows that was Cyn, who definitely doesn't deserve being concerned over (J actually doesn't show ANY concern for Cyn ever in the entire series), the concern is for N and V.

J 100% loves N and V. She just doesn't know how to show it and can't actually show it— N's memories are gone, she almost certainly thought V's were just about as messed up as his. If she fucks up then Cyn's on their asses and then J might as well just package themselves up right away.

J DOES actually try a last ditch effort to join Uzi in the Pilot. Given the issues J's death causes the trio, it's possible J knew what would happen and feared what N and V would do facing Cyn without her.

J honestly didn't even seem to mind Uzi. The little they actually talked, J's not about revenge or anything, even when she could've brought it up. J's visibly frustrated with Cyn and her destructive ways. She wants stability. She wants certainty. She thought she had it with Cyn always being the winner in the end, but she was wrong...

This is all to say: being the thankless older sibling/leader figure doesn't mean you don't get some occasional gifts from the others you're looking after. The pen was definitely appreciated even if it felt like a slap in the face knowing Cyn is coming. It's that the full actions J took to defend them— ones we currently don't know the full extent of, but we know Cyn loved literal torture methods, and Cyn holds grudges... J was definitely in a lot of danger, and regardless of whatever was happening, I can't see N and V pre-series not trying to help J when they're all in the same boat and aren't being controlled by Cyn in that moment.

J's protection to them almost certainly stems from the deal that usually keeps Cyn off of Copper-9. Because it COULD'VE been a lot worse, and Copper-9 would've been long gone before Uzi was out of the pillbaby stage if Cyn was there when they arrived.

So yeah. If they don't know how deep that rabbit hole goes/Cyn made them not remember that/just straight up a secret deal in general like how J definitely doesn't know about V's deal with Cyn.... Just oof. If that's canonically what happened, then J DOES deserve so many thanks, because without it, there's no way they would ever have been free of Cyn— as free as they can get while she's stuck in Uzi's tail anyway.

Everything seems to point that way. And N's oblivious to everything until he's literally having flashbacks to the beginning of their murdering days in the finale. V offers J a chance to join them but J's so jaded from what she had to do to protect them that she's just not willing to do it— If Cyn had won, N and V would just be back anyways... Death isn't the end for them. She'd just have to witness them dying AGAIN.

It's like J was watching her family continue to walk into spike pits, and no matter how much she'd beg and scream for them not to, they'd always be taken from the spike pit and choose to head right back into its path. And then one day someone else gets in their way, and they bolt to the spike pit, only for the spikes to end up disappearing because of the newcomer.

A whole back I saw a bunch of people putting their characters in different locations and I finally decided to give it a try! I thought it would make sense for them to be drawn in backrooms locations. LOL