“It feels like dying without you, so I had to come over.”
For a moment, I felt the distance, the suffocation, the anxiety, and the pain finally dissolved when you said the words my ears had been longing to hear. But in the very next instant, I woke with a cold sweat, tear-soaked eyes, a numb body, and a heart pounding so violently, refusing to settle.
I looked around. You were nowhere to be found. The room was dark and silent, yet I remembered you being there so vividly that I could not bring myself to believe it had all been a dream.
I reached for my phone, gripping it so tightly that my knuckles turned white. A tear slipped down my cheek as I clung to the smallest hope that perhaps it hadn’t been a dream. Maybe you had called. Maybe you had texted. Maybe you were on your way.
But all that greeted me was a blank screen, carrying no sign of your arrival, only another day of learning how insignificant I had become the moment I asked you to speak up for me.
With every passing moment, I have come to understand that some promises weigh heavier than others. You simply chose which ones to keep, and I was never one of them.
The promises you made, to stay with me, to love me, to never leave me, to make sure I never cried, vanished into thin air the moment you chose to make your absence the only promise you faithfully kept.
You could never keep your promises of love, yet somehow you have kept your promise of leaving with unwavering consistency.
Do not think that, with every passing day, my heart grows fonder because of your absence. It doesn’t. It grows numb.
I pretend to call you and leave voice notes in my recordings that will never be heard. I pretend to text you, only to write those messages into the pages of my diary instead. I pretend you’re lying beside me so I can close my eyes and fall asleep again, if only for a little while.
But one day I will wake up to the realization that it was always me who came running back to you. I was the one who broke my own promises of walking away. I was the one who waited for hours outside your workplace, not because I had nothing better to do, but because I wanted you to know that I was there, not through empty words, but through my presence.
The moment I stopped carrying this relationship on my shoulders, it collapsed under the weight of yours. That was the day I realized it had never been held together by the love of two people.
I love you. But I cannot love the distance between your words and your actions. I cannot love a man who never knew which promises were sacred enough to keep, nor one for whom loving his woman for a lifetime was never worth running back for.
So for now, I will try to wake each morning and make peace with the reality that you are never coming back.
Still, there is a birthday card in my hands, one I might never get to give you, reminding me that what was meant to be our first birthday together quietly became our last.
titsay
izzy806
2087
