coco_fly

I wish I could be your safe heaven

But then he asks,

"Why do i have to make you my whole world?"

And all I can think is "I made you mine"

were meant to be carved

placed in a museum

looked from afar

never to be touched

handled with — love

they try to reach you

break you apart

to understand what you’re made of

but their rough hands leave scars

nevertheless,

you still looked like a piece of art

get adored by as many

but stay away from human touch

these peasants

might not see

your worth

you’re beauty is too much

for this world to handle

inside you is love

that

people want to touch

but they just want to see it

for fun

so fight my love

fight until you find someone

who knows how to care for you

someone who sees you and handles you softly

someone who is

scared to touch you

scared to leave a scar

someone who sees

let me lay on the ground

let me lay inside it

let the insects eat my body

let them use me for their own fulfillment

just the way this world did for so long

let it all feel the same

i’m bleeding but breathing

but i’m willing to take risks

thought breaking will be good for me

didn’t try it before

had weight on my shoulders

then got too overwhelmed with emotions

now mourners won’t leave my chest

there’s dirt on my body

scars on my heart

bruises on my soul

won’t heal

they won’t heal

you know that feeling when you were younger and had a crush, or when you first felt love

the feeling that use to give you butterflies

the love that wasn’t defined by the world

it had it’s own meaning — a feeling you defined yourself

and now love is just a word that people say

it’s just a word — it’s not a feeling anymore

and having a crush is childish

why you ask?

because the world said so.

Now these feelings THESE WORDS

just give me anxiety

the butterflies are dead

People tell me to write something happy

but that shit doesn’t come easy to me

the happy voice it’s loud

it embraces me for a second

and makes my emotions less on alert

but when sadness sneaks up on me

it speaks slowly,

it wraps my whole body with emotions

with a voice that cuts me deep but speaks so sweet

the hurt in that voice gets my attention

it makes me want to sit and

listen to it for hours

and then — that is exactly what i do-

I sit on the edge of my bed

listening to everything that it has to say to me

the power in that voice is phenomenal

it makes me impetuous and untamed

even if I don’t like it

it stays.

To make it easier for you to understand

sadness is nicer to me

it lingers

never leave’s

sits inside me somewhere

never silent

speaking slowly — soothingly

find me in the dark

i’ll be waiting

siting in the corner

beside the window

it’s dark outside, clouds all around

thunder roaring

it scares me … but i can’t move,

i can’t get the chains off my hands and legs right now

even though

i was the one who put them on

chilling wind

leaves me shivering

sends chills down my spine

“oh i can’t breathe”

my breathing getting even heavier now

“find me! FIND ME!” i yell for you

so follow the sound of my quivering voice,

find me in that dark dungeon that people call thoughts

baby bring the light with you

find me and warm me up

cause all my nights have been cold and long

sit beside me

so i don’t feel scared anymore

once you come

don’t you dare try and

leave me alone

at least stay with me

for a little while

baby please hold me tight

embrace me

accept all of me

she’ll be shattered and no one would be able to pick her back up

people may try but they’ll just be cutting their own hand on the shards

and then after a while they’ll quit…

that’s why she’ll rather do it herself

just give her the space

let her hurt alone.

But I swear to god

I’m scared of people.

I can’t think of a single day where I was genuinely happy, with nothing going on in the back of my head.

For some years now I have been feeling this weight,

this fear in my body… which goes off/gets triggered whenever someone calls out my name, my whole body gets so alarmed, I feel the sirens inside me.

Even if I hear them talking to someone else, i feel my heart race, I hold onto my shivering body… try to control my thoughts by telling myself that, “they aren’t talking about you, you’re okay and you’re safe”.

I can tell it’s getting harder and harder,

and I know I’m getting even worse.

But I believe I can make it.

You didn’t fuck just with my feelings,