“...maybe the strings break, or maybe our ships sink, or maybe we’re grass – our roots so interdependent that no one is dead as long as someone is still alive. We don’t suffer from a shortage of metaphors, is what I mean. But you have to be careful which metaphor you choose, because it matters. If you choose the strings, then you’re imagining a world in which you can become irreparably broken. If you choose the grass, you’re saying that we are all infinitely interconnected, that we can use these root systems not only to understand one another but to become one another. The metaphors have implication. Do you know what I mean?”

For me, that line is the punch line of this novel.

I have only read 2 John Green’s novels by now, but I’m starting to recognize his style. Light but deep, just like the kind of conversation about life that I like to have with my best friends.  Light in a way that Green wrote about typical American high schoolers with its drama and cliche; and deep in a sense that the story leads us to think about the complexity of our own lives.

I won’t say that I enjoyed 100% of the book. I did get bored in the second third of the book as I started to think that Margo (the main character)’s disappearance led to too much drama and mysteries that it’s so unreal (though it IS unreal). But then, toward the end of the book I started to get carried away as I think about my own life as I read about Margo and Quentin (the other main character)’s lives.

I would not spoil the story here, I only want to express what I learned from the book. As Quentin continued to look for Margo based on the ‘clues’ she left, I realized that we will never truly understand other people. Sure, we always try to “stand on other people’s shoes”, but it’s all just our imagination of us standing in their shoes. But of course, life is not shoes. We may try with all of our might, but we will never completely understand other people. After I read this book, I agreed that our life has no built-in windows. It only has mirrors. So, when we’re looking outside toward other people’s life, we only see our reflections. Our understanding about other people will always be obscured by our own point of view, values, knowledge, and experience that most likely differ from theirs. But, does it matter?

Ini ngejleb maksimal :(

Saat SMP dulu saya pernah mendengar sebuah perumpamaan tentang wanita berjilbab. Wanita berjilbab dianalogikan dengan kue yang dibungkus plastik, sedangkan wanita tidak berjilbab adalah kue yang tak berbungkus. Analogi itu kemudian diikuti dengan pertanyaan, "Kalau kamu mau membeli salah satu dari kue itu, kue mana yang kamu pilih? Kue yang dibungkus, bukan?" Waktu itu, analogi tersebut menjadi sebuah aha moment  bagi saya. Namun, saat itu saya juga bukanlah seorang yang kritis (sekarang juga nggak kritis-kritis banget, tapi paling tidak sudah lebih banyak berpikir lah hehe :p)

Ketika SMA, saya terpilih menjadi salah satu siswa pertukaran budaya ke Amerika Serikat. Selama satu tahun, saya sering dibombardir oleh teman-teman saya dengan pertanyaan-pertanyaan tentang agama yang saya anut. Mulai yang cukup enteng seperti:

"Why do you have to fast for a month?"

"Why can't you have a pre-marital sex? Are you allowed to date?"

"Why your religion doesn't allow you to eat pork and drink alcohol?"

"Why circumcision is obligatory for Muslim men?"

(PS: kalau ada yang bertanya begitu, jangan dijawab dengan "karena perintah Allah", karena pasti mereka tidak puas dengan jawaban seperti itu)

sampai yang filosofis (dan paling sering ditanyakan) seperti:

"Why do you wear headscarf?"

"How does Islam see women?"

For some reason, saat itu saya sama sekali tidak menyebutkan analogi wanita berjilbab di atas ketika ditanya mengapa seorang Muslimah wajib mengenakan jilbab. Ada sesuatu yang mengganjal tentang analogi itu, tapi saat itu saya belum tahu mengapa.

Belakangan ini saya membaca sebuah artikel tentang Muslimah dan jilbab di sebuah blog. Seperti ditampar sandal, saya langsung sadar mengapa saya merasa kurang sreg dengan analogi kue dibungkus plastik itu.

Analogi wanita sebagai kue yang akan dipilih dan dibeli adalah bentuk objektifikasi perempuan. Analogi itu merupakan oversimplication terhadap esensi jilbab itu sendiri. Dengan menganalogikan wanita sebagai kue dan pria sebagai pembeli, analogi itu menyiratkan bahwa wanita memilih untuk berjilbab agar terlihat lebih baik dan akhirnya akan dipilih oleh pria. Apa benar begitu motivasi kita untuk berjilbab, kawan-kawan?  Menutup aurat adalah perintah Allah SWT yang bukan hanya ditujukan untuk wanita, tapi juga pria. Bagian-bagian tubuh yang menjadi aurat bagi wanita memang berbeda dengan pria (dan lebih banyak), sehingga perintah menutup aurat bagi pria cenderung tidak terekspos. Kita menutup aurat karena memang hal itu diperintahkan oleh Allah; dan Allah tidak pernah memerintahkan sesuatu yang tidak bermanfaat untuk kita. Bukankah begitu?

Analogi tersebut memiliki kelemahan fatal. Apakah kue yang dibungkus selalu lebih baik/enak/higienis/sehat daripada kue yang tidak dibungkus? Bagaimana jika ternyata kue yang dibungkus itu ternyata sudah kadaluarsa, cara memasaknya tidak higienis, dan bahan-bahannya tidak sehat? Sebagai pembeli, kita tidak pernah bisa tahu kan? Analogi tersebut bisa memicu rasa puas dan/atau kesombongan yang tidak sehat bagi Muslimah berjilbab serta rasa rendah diri bagi Muslimah yang belum berjilbab. Pada hakikatnya kebaikan seseorang tidak hanya dinilai dari satu aspek saja. Saya yakin kita sebagai seorang hamba tak luput dari kesalahan. So, don't judge someone just because they sin differently than you. Alangkah indahnya jika kita semua Muslimah selalu introspeksi diri serta bebas dari prasangka buruk terhadap saudari-saudari kita dan senantiasa mengingatkan akan kebaikan.

Analogi tersebut akan memperkuat kesalahan persepsi tentang agama Islam oleh masyarakat Barat yang kebanyakan berpikir bahwa jilbab adalah bentuk penindasan terhadap wanita . As if we need more Islamophobics... Duh! 

"The principle of compassion lies at the heart of all religious, ethical and spiritual traditions, calling us always to treat all others as we wish to be treated ourselves. Compassion impels us to work tirelessly to alleviate the suffering of our fellow creatures, to dethrone ourselves from the centre of our world and put another there, and to honour the inviolable sanctity of every single human being, treating everybody, without exception, with absolute justice, equity and respect.

It is also necessary in both public and private life to refrain consistently and empathically from inflicting pain. To act or speak violently out of spite, chauvinism, or self-interest, to impoverish, exploit or deny basic rights to anybody, and to incite hatred by denigrating others - even our enemies - is a denial of our common humanity. We acknowledge that we have failed to live compassionately and that some have even increased the sum of human misery in the name of religion.  We therefore call upon all men and women ~ to restore compassion to the centre of morality and religion ~ to return to the ancient principle that any interpretation of scripture that breeds violence, hatred or disdain is illegitimate ~ to ensure that youth are given accurate and respectful information about other traditions, religions and cultures ~ to encourage a positive appreciation of cultural and religious diversity ~ to cultivate an informed empathy with the suffering of all human beings, even those regarded as enemies.  We urgently need to make compassion a clear, luminous and dynamic force in our polarized world. Rooted in a principled determination to transcend selfishness, compassion can break down political, dogmatic, ideological and religious boundaries. Born of our deep interdependence, compassion is essential to human relationships and to a fulfilled humanity. It is the path to enlightenment, and indispensible to the creation of a just economy and a peaceful global community."

Hossein Askari (George Washington University)

Komentar-komentar dan postingan-postingan di Facebook belakangan ini bikin aku bereaksi seperti meme di atas. Mulai dari share artikel ngaco dari media abal-abal, komentar-komentar judgemental dan offensive, diskusi ngotot tak berujung, sampai hateful messages. Rasanya jengkel dan bikin pengen facepalm terus kalau buka timeline Facebook akhir-akhir ini. Tapi terus aku sadar kalau setiap orang memiliki pengalaman yang berbeda-beda yang mengajarkan mereka hal-hal yang berbeda pula. Sejengkel-jengkelnya kita, tetep nggak boleh merasa diri kita yang paling benar :) 

One of the organizations I adore most is AFS, an organization dedicated to intercultural programs. This year AFS is having its centennial celebration, marking 100 years of service. 

Being an exchange student (though not through AFS, but YES program) indeed have changed my life in many ways. Some changes I acquired from my exchange experience are quoted above. I became more courageous, both in tackling new challenges and in immersing myself in an unfamiliar environment. Exchange program led me to believe in the power of volunteerism and I fell in love with it. Exchange program inspired me to make volunteerism and social works as my personal measurement of success. Exchange program made me value learning more than I have ever done before. Learning about ourselves helps us to feel more fulfilled, learning about others helps us to connect and create peace. Learning is what makes us alive.