He will tell you
That you’re special
You’re different
You’re not like the others
And you so desperately want to believe
You want to be the one
Who turns the tide
But you are not…
Nothing is turning that tide
He should save you from yourself
The way you save others from themselves…
When you tell them
Upfront and honestly
That you’re heart is not available
But he won’t
He wants your admiration
He wants you fawning over him
Like some fan girl
Even if it breaks you
You will believe the fantasy
You will give yourself over
And feed the beast
With your energy
With your submissive heart
And for a while, it will feel good
For a while, you’ll feel special
His “Good Girl”
But eventually, you’ll want more
More than mere breadcrumbs
Licked off the floor like a feral cat
Deny it all you want… for now
But you will want more
And that is not wrong
Wanting more is not weakness
Wanting more is progress
Wanting love is human
But you will have to peel yourself
And your broken heart off the floor
And by then, you’re an addict
To those stingy, measly crumbs
Those five, ten, fifteen words a day
Sometimes, long periods of nothing
Where you go out of your mind
Overthinking; self-doubting
And by then, you’ve passed up
Real presence
Deepening connection
Real love
Oh, you’ll go back and forth
More than a few times
The giving and the taking
The approach and the retreat
The big wins and the sad defeats
The highest highs and the lowest lows
But when you need him
When you’re cracked open and bleeding
And you really freaking need him
He won’t be there
He will never BE THERE
And if you’re honest with yourself
Really honest with yourself
You allowed it
You invited it
You even asked for it
You sold yourself short
Because you wanted to be his
And you will pay the price
He never promised you a rose garden
He never promised more than let’s see
- Viv
