Fly with the wind

The flower doesn’t dream of the bee. It blossoms and the bee comes.

I always feel like i need someone but i don’t say it because i don’t want them to see me as a needy person and i want to show them that i don’t need anyone. But when someone’s there, i’ll only push them away. I’m afraid that once i’ll get used with their presence, it might be hard for me to let them go. Maybe the problem is me, i’m always afraid and i always think that people will just leave anytime.

I don’t know if I can love him. I don’t know what I want. Two days in and the way he looks at me, that way where you can feel him just slipping in, that aches my heart like an old injury because I know that my soul doesn’t settle and I’ve hurt a thousand hearts before his, and they all looked at me that same way.

To Do: 1. Get out of bed. Roll across the sheets before you stand and tangle yourself like a caterpillar because that’ll never go out of style. Seriously, it’s fun as hell. 2. Brew coffee or tea or something else cozy. Drink it hot and in front of a window so you can watch the war going on just past the glass. Wear a blanket across your knees, it’ll be your shield. 3. Make a second cup of coffee/tea/hot drink of your choice. Repeat step number 2. Watch the steam fog up the window and draw shapes in it’s haze. Maybe you’ll see the doodles the next time it’s misty. Consider something magic. You can never have enough time exploring the inside of your own skull. 4. Put on music you haven’t listened to before. Pay attention to the lyrics, you might hear yourself. Then dance until your heart is beating to the time of the song. It’ll make you feel alive. 5. Step outside. Smell the rain and the new life and the melting air, that’ll make you feel alive too. Let the rain hit every part of you. Your finger tips, your eyelids, your teeth. Feel it dance on your skin. Remember it was once inside a dinosaur. 6. Listen to it pound elephant foot pinprick drumbeats on the roof. You might hear yourself, I know I have. Notice the way it crescendos and decrescendos like a choir of a million voices. You might fall in love. 7. Run your fingers across the brail of the clouds. The peaks and the caverns of cotton water. They’ll roar epics like you’ve never heard before. Furious and bright and deep and dark all at once. You might fall in love. 8. Watch your favorite movie, twice. Don’t let the rain distract you. It doesn’t need all your attention all day today. It has work to do, feeding the earth and drowning the heat. You deserve to sit back for a while. 9. Forget it’s raining and let yourself feel the tiny jolt of surprise when you notice the tears still rolling down your windows. Possibly repeat step 2. 10. Go to bed to melody of the droplets in the gutters and the baritone of water rushing through the streets. The storm will battle through the night if it so feels the need. You can sleep now.

What are you supposed to do with all the love you have for somebody if that person is no longer there? What happens to all that leftover love? Do you suppress it? Do you ignore it? Are you supposed to give it to someone else?

It is late now, I am a bit tired; the sky is irritated by stars. And I love you, I love you, I love you – and perhaps this is how the whole enormous world, shining all over, can be created – out of five vowels and three consonants.

You’ve become so damaged that when someone tries to give you what you deserve, you have no fucking idea how to respond.

Meeting your soul mate is like walking into a house you’ve been in before - you will recognize the furniture, the pictures on the wall,the books on the shelves, the contents of drawers: You could find your way around in the dark if you had to.

What is bad for the heart is good for the art. The terrible irony of our lives as artists.

It’s dangerous to seek love so much that you disregard who it comes from. I wore heart shaped sunglasses and swallowed infatuation like a pill, mistaking it for the cure when it was the disease.

The smell of her hair, the taste of her mouth, the feeling of her skin seemed to have got inside him, or into the air all round him. She had become a physical necessity.