words that went unsaid

All this now lives within me, because of you

i blame the stars that set my view so high  With all the reach and romance of their view I blame the sun that gently kissed my skin That made me so very happy for a while I blame the soft touch of golden tulips And each caress I ever felt under my feet But most of all in this, I blame you Now I know what it is, what love is And no sunset or change of seasons  will bring me back to its joyful truth 

Why do we try so hard to chart the course when at the death we shall in chorus say that although the journey felt like ours it was inevitable anyway? You wanted me to feel as if I owned but destiny within my compass hold and yet again, the route of my doubting Is to fill a fools role now truth be told Because when all is done and curtains down There’s not new horizon in the morning If I can never know who steers the ship It will only ever feel like falling. And so, I stand again at crossroads new And weep at being neither Captain, nor the crew   

and then it’s gone

Sadness is felt alone Which is why A walk in the rain Can seem like company

when falling short can seem worse than starting tortured words clamour loudly to exclaim you’re not good enough for that and laughing excuses that want to soften aren’t to blame Instead they sound like hollow echoes and seem well worn pathways to the harrowing truth that you did not deserve to have this dream an aching fear that this is the proof Yet in those moments that slow endeavour patiently wait such tiny slivers of hope that live in gaps and mark out forever and allow the breath that soothes the choke because always tied with pain and sorrow is what is resolute to start again tomorrow

You are mind made maps And all the choices you make Are topography

What is here in front of you is now All else is an illusion, a dream. To dream well, you must sleep well You must sleep often.  As you stumble through you will find That you do not always get your own way And that can be tough to take. Really tough. But always trust your own opinion  And if you must, shout it LOUD.  Learning isn’t always fun But it is essential for living And so each time you fall over Get back up, and begin again Take joy from each step you take Because there is joy in each of them And all the curious wonder You might find. Then talk about it, because  When you smile, people join you Even if they don’t always understand you And you need other people And help too

There was a moment way back when That for reason I cannot yet fathom Saturated every single cell of mine Marking out a measure for all moments And when I sit and think on you now  Watch water flow under every bridge We once sat beside together  These histories reflect back to me  From the quietness of the rivers edge And I am the water and this moment And you are for always are within

Truths that hurt the most Are hollow so that the pain Can echo right through

This morning out early Walking by the still river I happened on a moorhen chick Happily exploring the reeds As yet, unafraid and unaware I stood for a while and watched Saw peaceful progress And I thought to myself What a privilege this life is

You didn’t bound into my life There was no fan fare  And in truth I didn’t really notice That you had even fully arrived  Until I noticed at the end of the day That I just wanted to tell you all about it 

It honestly felt as if a bright dawn Became an endless grey day That dry eyes could not find it to weep For to grieve, hope must still be alive All that was heard in the birdsong Fell short, and in the sorrowed silence It seemed as death itself could torture With all these heart felt half deaths And now, this hopefunct half life