cute 2 the core

I only come on this account when I’ve hit rock bottom. So here I am again. I just had such a severe panic attack that I threw up. I am so alone. I am so alone. I am so alone. All of my friends back home are so far away from me. The barely know the few friends that I have here. I am completely mentally exhausted and when I’m not mentally exhausted I am angry. This semester has barely started but I can barely find the will to do any of the work. I just constantly feel inadequate and no matter how hard I study I don’t get the results that I want. It has been a couple of years since I have hated my body this much. I constantly feel disgusted with myself and I hate that I am so focused on my appearance. I feel so restrained at this point in my life. I have so many opportunities but I can’t actually achieve them. I feel numb. I feel hazy. I was trying to explain this to my therapist but he told me to just “stop being so negative.” I am alone and I can’t even talk to my partner about it. I should have taken a gap year. Or chose a different school. Either way, my choices have destroyed me. I feel empty. 

things are getting bad again

i don't feel important and ive never felt important and ive never actually been proud of myself for anything and i just fucking suck and im settling for my dreams because im not good enough and im such a boring person who lacks depth and there just isn't a point to anything right now