Egg 🥚 Anon

This Valentine’s day was going to be an odd one this year.

For starters, there was still a poll going on. A pretty important poll with roughly one hundred votes already, but probable death for Hetch wasn’t going to stop the Anons from having a fun day.

Chair was planning to bake a cake for their friends.

There were only three problems Chair had with baking a cake.

Problem one: she could only remember two ingredients which were eggs and sugar. Problem two: they had no idea how to bake a cake.

Problem two wasn’t an issue on the most part because she had plenty of friends around to help.

This brings up problem three: those of the other entities in the Void who knew how to bake a cake typically had very skewed perceptions on cake recipes.

Oh well. Eldritch cake was better than no cake.

Chair made a messy sign asking for help baking a cake, taped it to the front side of a table and sat.

Thankfully she didn’t have to wait long.

“HEYO!” He yelled as they appeared. “Cake time! Mind handing me the powder?”

“The powder?” Chair asked. She assumed !! meant the baking soda and handed the box over to them.

“Thank you.” !! opened the box and poured it into a large bowl. “So! First we need some water, oil, eggs, and another egg…”

Chair paused as !! hesitated, probably trying to remember the next ingredient. He started to float as they thought. “How about another egg!”

Chair added the water, oil and three eggs into the bowl with the baking soda. They looked at !! for more instructions.

“Now, make sure that your hand is still tangible while making it! BUT,” !! suddenly yelled, “if some stuff isn’t mixed in correctly, then you’re going to have to… to…” !! snapped his fingers as he tried to remember the word they wanted to say. “Turn down the opacity on your hand.”

Chair stared at !!. Slowly, they looked down at her hand and willed it to have a lower opacity.

Nothing happened.

“And now,” !! continued, “the mixer! You have to speak with a firm voice or it won’t respect you!”

Chair watched !! in amazement as he began yelling at the cake mixture.

Egg wandered past Chair’s sign, paused, read the sign, then ran up to Chair.

“Oh, wait wait wait!” Egg said, “I know this! I read a bunch of cookbooks when I was alive!”

Chair moved the first bowl of cake mix over to the far end of the table so it wouldn't get in the way. !! moved with it, still continuing to yell at the batter.

“I’ll put that bowl in the oven when they’re done,” Chair told Egg.

“So! You take sugar and- like a packet of sugar,” Egg clarified, “but you take a spoon and you get a good amount. Like say, maybe around however much feels right, it’s your cake. 

Get milk, like a cup of it? And two eggs- I don’t count as one of those by the way. Just so you know. Don’t cook me.”

“I won’t,” Chair assured her.

Chair took a sugar packet, opened it and poured the contents into a new bowl. She then took milk, measured it out in a plastic cup they found and poured into the bowl with the sugar. Finally she popped two whole eggs into the bowl.

“Also flower and butter,” Egg mused, “but you can get however much of that you want, it’s not really a law. Now, what you have to do is mix ‘em all together, and heat it up, simple!”

“How long do I heat it up for?” Chair asked as they added the final ingredients. Three sticks of butter and a handful of flour went into the bowl.

“You cook it for- until it gets brown? And solid. Make sure it’s not a liquid anymore, very vitally important.” Egg started to walk away. “Then wait for it to cool down and eat it.”

“Thank you,” Chair called after their friend. They mixed the contents of the bowl with her wooden hands and popped it into the nearby oven. She turned back to !!, who was still yelling at his bowl of cake mix. “Are you okay?”

!! nodded, not breaking their yelling streak.

Dvd mrrowed as it hopped up onto the table.

“Hi, Dvd,” Chair greeted, brushing their messy hands against her pants to clean them off. “Do you have cake advice, too?”

“Ok,” Dvd started. “What you want to do is meow at your human for so long. And make sure it’s irritating. They may check your food and litter tray, but after a while they will be like ‘what the fuck do you want’ and you show them the cake mix. After that, wait ‘till everything is cooling. If it’s cupcakes, take one bite from as many as you can.”

Chair nodded as they watched Dvd trot away. “Thanks for the, uh. Good cat advice!”

They turned around and yelped in surprise when they saw Valentine standing ominously behind her.

“You,” he said. They grabbed Chair’s arms and pulled her closer to their height. “You measure everything by vibes alone. And then pour in a fuckton of heart sprinkles.”

Valentine only let go when Chair nodded. “...Oh, can the frosting be pink?”

“Uh, y-yeah. Will do, uh, Vale. I’ll get on that now.”

Chair nervously waved goodbye to the Malewife anon before going to do as he instructed.

She ‘measured with her heart’. Two handfuls of sugar, a fistful of baking soda, three eggs, and two sticks of butter went into a bowl and were mixed. A second oven appeared and Chair slid the bowl in. They placed pink frosting containers (there were three in total) on top of the oven so she wouldn’t forget when it was time to frost it.

“Are you okay still?” Chair asked !!. They received no answer.

“OH!” Berry said as it noticed Chair’s sign. “You’re going to bake a cake?! Yippee! I love baking! Uh- are they okay?”

“They’ve been doing that for the past thirty minutes. I think he’ll be okay.”

“Okay,” Berry nodded. “Um, so first thing is the wet and dry ingredients don’t get mixed at the same time. Actually, I don’t think that matters all that much, it just sounds silly. I mean, they go into the same pan anyway.”

“That’s good. I’ve been putting them in the same bowl the entire time.”

“Wait, what kind of cake are we talking about?” Berry asked. “It’s Valentine’s day, so I think red velvet is the obvious choice but that’s basically just chocolate cake with a load of red food color in it. Are you allergic to red dyes?”

Chair shrugged. “I hope not.”

“Okay, so we need flour, sugar, cocoa powder, salt, butter, eggs, vanilla, milk and baking soda. Am I missing anything? Hmm… oh yeah! Vegetable oil and the red food coloring.”

Chair scrambled to grab all the ingredients. Were cakes supposed to be this complicated? Oh, man, their other cakes didn’t have all of these ingredients in them.

“We should have everything now, I’m pretty sure,” Berry said once all the ingredients were on the table. “Just make sure the butter is room temp. The oven needs to be preheated while we’re mixing everything together, I’m pretty sure it just needs to be three-hundred sixty degrees fahrenheit. Get a bowl big enough to mix everything in.”

Chair rushed to preheat the third oven that appeared. Preheat the oven? Why would she need to preheat the oven?? Why was baking a cake so difficult???

“Okay,” Berry continued, “into the bowl goes the dry ingredients first. How much did we need again? One sec, I need to think about it. It’s been a while since I’ve baked a cake.”

As Berry thought, Chair whispered to !! “Do you need to breathe?”

!! shook their head.

"Um, I'm pretty sure it was 3 cups of flour, 2 cups of sugar, 2 tablespoons of cocoa,” Berry said, grabbing measuring equipment. “Oh, I always forget how much baking soda is needed. Or was it baking powder? What's even the difference?”

“You okay?” asked Chair.

“Huh? Sorry, um, I think like 1/4 a teaspoon of salt and 1/2 a teaspoon of baking soda?? Yeah, and then you mix it all together. Now 1/2 a cup of butter, which is just a stick, and 4 eggs need to be mixed in too. Oh! And 1 cup of vegetable oil. Once all that is mixed together, we need to add in the cup of milk and the red dye. It needs to be mixed well, so no clumps or anything."

Chair followed Berry’s instructions as closely as they could and mixed the batter together with their hands again. Unfortunately the red dye stained her wood hands and refused to wash out. “What’s next?”

"That's it for the batter, I'm pretty sure. Just gotta pour it into a greased pan and bake it for... 30 minutesss, I think? Yeah, 30 minutes sounds right." Berry waved as it walked away. “Bye, let me know when the cake is ready!”

“I will. Thanks for the help, Berry!” Chair slid the bowl into the preheated oven. “I’m sure I didn’t forget any steps.”

“GREASED PAN,” !! yelled at Chair. They then continued to yell obscenities at the original bowl of cake mix.

Chair internally face palmed. “I forgot the freaking pan. Eh, whatever. ‘M sure it’s fine.”

“What’s fine?” Blue asked. “Oh a cake, that’s easy. You put some butter and sugar in a bowl and mix them until combined, then add- shit how many eggs?”

“I’ve put as many as three eggs in a cake at a time,” Chair answered. “But what do you think?”

“Well, I don't know. Like two eggs I think. And mix and add vanilla extract but just a little or any extract really you could make it a strawberry cake if you wanted- nah nevermind chocolate is better if anything. Um, so anyway a little vanilla extract and then you add flour and milk to make the mix look like cake mix, and then you put the mix in a cake mold that is either non-stick or has a fine layer of butter and flour to prevent sticking,” Blue rambled. “You put the mold in the oven for like half an hour in I'd say like 180 degrees Celsius which in Fahrenheit is... More than 180 degrees.

“Oh and don't forget to preheat the oven!! The cake bakes faster when the oven is already warm and not just recently turned on (the amount of times I've forgotten to preheat the oven speaks for itself). So, um, yeah. That's how you make a cake.”

Chair watched as Blue quickly walked away and began to follow their instructions. They put this cake in a GREASED PAN this time, then slid it into the fourth oven.

“Now we throw it in the oven!” !! said normally, startling Chair. “I like to add a little bit of ectoplasm if we have some on hand but if not then just toss it in there!” They smiled as he threw the bowl into a fifth oven at full force. “Just yell for me when the cake is ready!”

Chair stared at !! as they walked away, then stared at the fifth oven.

“I am a chair that owns five ovens,” Chair whispered to herself.

“Ok, so… a cake… can I do that?” Dizzy asked.

“Cake number six, go on ahead! You just missed !! yelling at the first cake we mixed an hour ago.”

Dizzy nodded. “So... I think you have to mix sugar, flour, eggs... What else is there in a cake...  baking powder? OH AND CHOCOLATE!!! THAT'S IMPORTANT I THINK! Uh... oh also you add milk I think?”

Chair gathered the next set of ingredients and added them all together in a bowl.

“Then you mix... all that stuff? And then you put it in the oven for... wait what type of cake are we making?”

Chair shrugged. “Cake.”

“Uh... ok. 50 minutes in the oven? Then you get it out and you eat it!!! I think. I didn’t bake a lot pre-tapes…”

“That’s okay! Thanks for the help, Dizzy.” Chair placed the sixth cake bowl in the sixth oven. They happened to glance over at the right time and saw Sparkle walking by. “Hey, Sparkle! Do you want to help me bake a cake for Valentine's day?”

"Oh god you're asking me???” Sparkle asked. “Uh- Shit it's been a while and I usually use a book? Right- Okay. You probably need flour? A bowl first might be useful. Flour in the bowl, right. Like a good handful or two of it.”

Chair tossed two handfuls of flour into a new bowl.

“And... What else does a cake need? Oil? Like cooking oil... Is that olive oil? Uh... Just put some oil in there. A good... Second pouring of oil. And milk? Maybe? Or is the liquid just oil? Well you definitely need eggs! I think both the white and the yolk? Maybe add a few of those. And... Mix it and heat it up? You should probably ask someone else actually-"

“No, no,” Chair said as she poured another bottle of vegetable oil in the bowl, “none of us remember correctly, so you’re okay!”

“Okay, well… thanks for baking cakes for us?” Sparkle left.

Mask told Chair to throw a few fistfuls of eggs and sugar into a bowl and hope for the best.

Bookstack gave Chair two recipes.

“To do it RIGHT you need flour, milk, eggs, sugar, water, oil, baking soda, and, like, vanilla extract?? ! think???? And you kinda mix everything and pour it into a pan and cook it at three hundred degrees fahrenheit for like an hour. And put some "frosting" that is just colored sugar and whipped cream.

“To do it wrong? Easy. Use crack instead of flour. Add some spaghetti/m&ms and you’re done.”

Once Chair was certain all the cakes were done (they made sure Egg’s cake was solid with no liquids) and decorated those that involved icing. Then they laid all the cakes out on her table in a row. She decided to replace their original sign with a new one that said ‘WARNING! Drugs in the Cake in the Center. Eat at Your Own Risk’

The reaction series just felt like he was trying to make it more of a comedic first watch than actually trying to understand the series.

The videos half annoyed me because of how chopped up it was to only specific parts.

And while I do understand that not everybody will understand deeper meanings on a first watch or try to find them specifically there were many parts that were just cut out.

For ex, the Ragatha and Jax argument in EP 5 and Ragathas backstory aswell just wasn't there entirely.

It also just made me mad because every video felt more that he was focusing on the one-off side characters being his new favorites instead of the Infront Of Your Face development of the actual characters. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ like he mentions Jax and Kinger but then glosses over Ragatha and Gangle