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sebastianfucker

successfully profiled and found a lost cat thanks to a criminal minds binge someone tell the FBI to hire me

sebastianfucker

My roommate came to get me because the cat was missing. I paused the show and went outside and I was all walking around the crime scene like okay the kitchen window is open and there is no screen so he must have jumped out here and ran off and they were like “so he’s gone???”

And I was like “we’ll pretend I’m a cat. There are two ways to go, towards the street and the lights or into the dark. A cat would choose the quieter dark spot” so I went into the dark and there like ur never gonna find him but I said LISTEN Spike was an outside cat before we moved and he’s been trapped inside so I bet he ran to the most bushy and grassy area. They said I was full of shit but u know what I found in the bushes? The fucking cat bitch I’m FBI material.

bob-belcher

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thatsthat24

So Embarrassing 💻

skythebi

This is my new favourite thing and I shall cherish it forever

no-chill-at-all

View this post on Instagram

sayhop: If humans acted like dogs

person: do you have a tumblr

me: yes but tell me which of my traits led you to that conclusion so i can eliminate it

#first time #kaylee #and I spoke #did I spell that wrong?#I have shot memory

islam-reflections

Desires make slaves out of kings and patience makes kings out of slaves.

Imam Ghazali (via islamic-living)

onlytwitterpics

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eyestrain

friend: im so glad i met you… you’re so fun to talk to! i love talking to you…

me, to myself: no. you fool. its the other way around. i, in fact, am the one who is glad to have met you. i am overjoyed in your presence. do not say that you enjoy talking to me more.

woifiecindy

what kind of plane need 21 pilots

pvnksheeps-deactivated20190113

idk why i just remembered this but all throughout kindergarten and first grade i used to draw a lil snail in the corner of every paper i had to turn in because it was a happy snail so i thought it would make my teachers happy when they were grading papers because i was a pure and simple child but in 2nd grade my teacher would take off 2 points if i drew it on my homework and 5 points if i drew it on a quiz or test so i stopped but like it was so harmless it was just a lil shitty doodle of a smiling snail it wasn’t distracting me or anything from the task at hand so i’d like to say to mrs whoeverthefuck that snail was supposed to be a happy thing u bitch

hill-creature-deactivated202103

This perfectly describes what is wrong with our education system

jjongsgorl

The duality of man

amorverde

U ever meet a super cool girl and ur like… do I want her to be my best friend or my wife

#isis #this is isis life

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming

bitchycode

susiephone

can you believe romance was invented when howl and sophie flew through the air together after he rescued her from the witch of the waste’s guards

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