aug 4 bitches

could you imagine Edward Cullen at like...a high school football game?

getting dragged to an amusement park on senior ditch day

at some party and he has to pretend to be drunk to fit in with all the others

Mike, Eric, Tyler and Ben all start insisting on calling him Eddie

he goes on shopping trips with the girls because he's the only one with a running car that also has trunk space for their bags

he starts using his mind reading powers for The Gossip(tm) and Jessica is absolutely obsessed...finally someone with decent intell

God at some party everyone's lowkey high and they start playing truth or dare and Edward's using his powers to choose the least embarrassing option but Bella catches on and Edward Trusts Her so she picks him and he's expecting something tame like...truth what's your favorite color, dare kiss me or something lol but Bella looks him in the eyes and with no mercy dares him to strip tease while rapping an Eminem song. Mike films it. Edward didn't talk to her at all the next day lmao

they all go see a horror movie together and to Bella's absolute delight 1) it turns out to be a vampire movie and 2) Edward falls for every single jump scare

The Guys(tm) invite Edward to some weird bro bonding sleep over and Edward's expecting to be bored out of his mind without Bella but 3 redbulls, 2 video games and one ouija board session later they're all crying about their deepest fears to each other. Edward's telling them he's scared that if Bella marries him it will doom her eternal soul to hell but he can't live without her and they're like 'Eddie dude that's so specific calm down' 'have you considered therapy man??' 'bro you guys are 17'

Edward and Bella get roped into helping out with the senior prank and it goes t e r r i b l y. First time in half a century one of the Cullens have gotten suspended from school lmao

he sneaks Angela's little brothers candy every time they hang out at her house

Jessica begs him to tell her what Rosalie's skincare routine is but the vampire's don't even really have to shower they can just wipe stuff off and be good to go and he knows Nothing about skincare so he panics and tells her something absolutely batshit that nearly ruins her skin and Bella and Esme make him treat Jess to a spa day as an apology and Rose searches up everything on human skincare and buys some stuff for her

GOD can you imagine how helpful it would of been during eclipse to have completely non-objective friends chime in on the love triangle bullshit...Edward can vent about it without mentioning the vampire's and werewolves and they can tell him he's being dumb because she's clearly head over heels for him and is just friends with Jake

He's like 'but what if she stops loving me,,,' and they're like 'dude she's literally wedding planning with your sister and mom right now please shut the fuck up'

one day they plan a beach trip to somewhere other than La Push and it's cloudy enough that Edward should be fine if he keeps a shirt on and from then on the group has a mission: See Edward Shirtless. they go to LENGTHS. switching into his gym class. spilling things on him. begging Bella to take pictures for them. Good Christian Edward(tm) is scandalized but Bella thinks it's hilarious and keeps telling them he had crazy tattoos

Edward trying to fake pop culture knowledge to fit in but it's not working so he actually has to start paying attention to shit from the current decade and now he won't stop ranting to Bella about Harry Potter and he's very invested in Britney Spears' mental health

Edward trying to decode text talk and everyone makes fun of him bc he texts like a grandpa

Edward after one joint is on a full rant about how America should have handled the Spanish Influenza- like he has a detailed list of complaints and ideas- and everyone is like 'Bella I know he's rich but he's such a nerd Are You Sure you love him' skdjjdmd

My partner Lollipop is offering free tarot readings to anyone who donates $5 on tiltify here:

https://tiltify.com/@doublevenus/readers-for-the-bail-project

Proceeds go directly to The Bail Project.

After you donate please send @thefourofwands a message that you would like your reading.

**Please note that you only have to donate $5 if you want a tarot reading. If you don't want the reading then there is no minimum amount. Every dollar helps!

Please reblog, tag and boost this!

Thank you.

Robert Pattinson has a new profile out in gq. This is him making pasta... made me laugh so hard I started weeping.

I am here to reminisce on an older entry from 2006:

“Last night, my Bella did something I found entirely endearing. I’m certain that if she was of knowledge of this journal, she’d be beside herself in mortification. I suspect that wonderful flush of pink would swell beneath her beautiful cheekbones – tempting me in many excruciating ways, in lust and in thirst — in reading this. Thankfully, she currently has no awareness of my written thoughts, and therefore, has no need to feel embarrassed for her delightfully human moment. Whilst fast asleep, dreaming – it fills me with indescribable pleasure to hear my own name amongst the soft pink pillows of her lips – her breathing was briefly interrupted by a sneeze, and the pressure in expelling the substances irritating her fragile system made her release a tiny puff of gas. It was such a sweet, high pitched note of sound, and I nearly laughed aloud. I adored it as I adore any reminder of her charming humanity. It is so precious and fundamentally important to me. My frozen heart entirely belongs to hers. I am smitten. Anyhow, I have contacted Carlisle, and he is arranging to provide every medicinal preventative measure to cure Bella of any oncoming sickness that may be attempting to plague her. I will not have the love of my existence feeling unwell for any period of time.”

In my 20s, for a time, I felt nothing but fear and uncertainty, but somehow that’s changed. I think I just got older. I feel like I have less to prove. Or it seems more fun proving it. It seems like it’s a fun game instead of, I don’t know, just basically a nightmare.

Just because people want to buy Midnight Sun doesn't make them morally bankrupt. These are your friends! We collectively call out Smeyer's bullshit on a daily basis! Just because you're mad that we live in a capitalist system that especially caters to privileged writers doesn't mean stans deserve to take it out on people who are being more honest than others about supporting Midnight Sun.

By the way, we are all essentially giving Smeyer free publicity with all this Midnight Sun content, so if you really don't want to support Midnight Sun, stop posting about it or delete your damn blog. Midnight Sun is here to stay, so find something else to blog about if it bothers you that much.

Whether or not you choose to support Midnight Sun is none of my business, but it is my business when you choose to unfairly attack others who are entitled to make their own decisions.