We usually watched Over The Garden Wall on Halloween.

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@educatedfish
We usually watched Over The Garden Wall on Halloween.

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17 September 2023
How I wish I can tell you how sorry I am for everything. You're the most important person in my life, and I hurt you. I am extremely disappointed in myself. I never meant for any of this. I never meant to hurt you. And I have to live with that. I'm disappointed for holding myself back and not telling you and expressing the emotions that you deserved to hear.
Je ne peux même pas te dire combien tu me manques.
14 September 2023
4 years ago yesterday, I first reached out to you. I wish I could've reached out. I wish I can just talk to you. I wish I can just see you. I wish I can I just hold you. I miss you. I wonder if you do to.
10 September 2023
Today has been an interesting day. Not actually interesting, but interesting in the sense of my emotions and feelings. I've been having really high highs and low lows. But today was interesting. I spoke to ****** today and I honestly love talking to him. Him and I always get so deep when we talk. It can be for any conversation. But anywho, I talked to him about you and he opened my eyes a little bit more. The best thing I can do for myself is to focus on myself and be the true Edwin that I haven't been. Become the happy Edwin that I've been wanting to be. I know it'll take some time, but I'll get through this. I don't want to live in a hole anymore. The views are better above ground. And I'm going to do that. I of course am always going to be thinking of you and having you on my mind, but I know I have to do this. I of course am doing this for myself, but also for the people around me, especially you.

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9 September 2023
The days have come in waves; I feel good at one point, but then I feel sad at the others. The highs are highs, but the lows are lows. It's been weird. Today I went to see a friend and talked and it helped me a lot. I know I've been very vocal about my feelings and that makes my friends worry, but it's because I have pushed down on those feelings. I want to be able to feel what I have in me. It sucks and it hurts, but I want to. It's not fair that I sent her those messages and only thought of myself. I needed to understand what she wants/needs. And that's space and time. And I kept pushing her with my own feelings. I kept thinking that she needed to know all these things when really I needed to sit down and hear her out. I was selfish and I regret it. "Lo hubiera, no existe". And I need to learn that. As much as it pains me not to tell you all these things, it's not fair. Yo siempre pienso en ti. Ojala que tu haces lo mismo.
7 September 2023
I had my first therapy session. I wish I could run to you and tell you everything about it. I talked about what happened between us and a bunch of other things. It was nice to talk, but it hurt so much. The entire time I kept thinking of you. When will I hear from you? Do you still think about me? Do you still love me? Do you wish to be with me still? I miss you.
4 September 2023
We were supposed to talk today. But it wasn't the right choice. I was going to drive up and see you. But it wasn't the right choice. A little part of me wanted you to text me or call me, but it wouldn't have been the right choice. I was doing really well today. I felt more at peace today. But then I went to the beach. I went for a run. I've been doing that a lot more. But anywho, I went around the time the sun was setting. It was beautiful. But it reminded me of you. I see you everywhere. That's when it all went down from there. Right now I'm currently in a spiral just thinking of all the things I wanted to say and wanted to do to show you my love. I hate how I let myself get this way.
3 September 2023
I feel more at peace today. I really wanted to see you and talk to you, but I don't want to push you away. If this is what you feel will help, then I'm for it. I just have to respect your boundary. I hope you like the message. You haven't read it yet, but I made sure to address important things and not be too much (I hope). I ended up running up 8 miles after not running for 5 days. It was all fueled up by sadness, heartbreak, and depression. I talked to my mom about you. I had to pull out google translate at times cause I didn't know how to say certain words or phrases. Also went to Target. We used self checkout and the prompt came up for the rewards program. I don't know why, but I automatically punched in your number. Before everything I would actually punch in your number for stuff to make myself learn it. I hope the rewards help. I miss you deeply. The song Lento by Julieta Venegas came on. I think it describes quite well the situation. How I wish I can tell you to listen to that song. A lot of songs remind me of you and I just want to show you those songs. Maybe one day.
30 August 2023
It's only been two days, and yet it feels like a fucking eternity. I woke up early today despite going to sleep late. I wanted to go back to sleep. The only time where I can feel okay and think of you is when I sleep. When I'm conscious, it just hurts.
I saw the Barbie movie today. I wish I saw it with you. I keep thinking of the time you asked me about it. I told you I don't know, but really I wanted to yell that I wanted to watch it with you soon.
I have so many things I want to tell you. I hope I get to tell them to you soon. But not too soon because I do want us to figure things out. I want us to get better. I of course want some things like they were, the good things obviously, but I want to be better about things and work through things that should've been worked on.
I just miss you.

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I love the holidays. I truly think it's the best time of the year. But when it comes to being forced to hang with family that I don't like, for an extended long period of time, it completely just kills it for me. I wish I could actually spend it with people I like and care for.
The pressure is getting worser.
I'll never be good enough won't I? So why even bother. Why even try.
I don't even feel like telling anyone how I'm feeling because I'll feel like a burden killing the holiday spirit.

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I really do love the holidays. I really do, but man, these last two Christmases ... they've just been sad. Like I want to be happy, but I just can't seem to find it.
you: hey
me, with 25 wikipedia tabs open on cryptids, megafauna, & extraterrestrials: what?