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i hate Christmas because my little monkey ed brain can't comprehend the amount of food that's in my house so I just eat all the time even when im full

sorry but i gotta vent😭 so i relapsed and started purging again after like 2 months of being clean. im doing it on a daily basis, but max 2 times a day (at my worst it was 4-5 times a day). back then i noticed some problems with the toilet in my house because i was putting huge volumes of vomit into it. it got better when i stopped but a few days ago our toilet got clogged. and i mean mad clogged. the worst part is i got a post from myproana forum stuck in my head, where a girl with bulimia was in a similar situation and the plumber straight up told her parents that it wasnt feces that clogged it, but huge amount of food-like waste. you can only imagine my anxiety at that point😭 my dad tried everything, used 2 packings of chemicals etc but it didnt help. we had to call 2 freaking plumbers to take the toilet off completely and clean the pipes. i was so nervous but it was just my freaking mum who accidentally dropped a detachable hairdryer part and flushed it😭😭😭 i almost died yall

hi i finally relapsed lol

i installed tumblr and purged twice after 2 months of being clean so guess who relapsed

why did i feel my best when my bulimia was at it's worst

guys fuck this i think i want to recover. this shit ain't working and being skinny isnt worth being dead. id rather be fat and alive than live in constant fear that i fucked my heart up with purging so much that i will die. the left side of my body hurts and i dont want to die yall. im in this constant cycle of binging and starving and i aint losing no weight. someone teach me how to eat like a normal person

so its mental breakdown sunday anyone wanna join

i can't even be active on here im literally failing at everything i do

i bought a jumping rope and after 20mins i feel like im dying thanks