shimmy shimmy quarter turn

How rude, everyone knows that I’m a trust fund baby. 

Your definition of rude must be different than mine.

Then why don’t you just go and Bake It Off or whatever derivative of that word the actual song uses? So are nuclear bombs but that doesn’t mean we need to use them, does it?

Shake It Off, don’t pretend like you don’t know. They’re more deadly than they are clever, your argument is weak. I’m disappointed.

Though this isn’t really my news,

Is this a joke?

I understand completely. But it’s happening, you’re well on your way. So, Rachel Berry, now that all your dreams are finally coming true, what are you going to do next? Disneyland?

I feel so, so sorry for you, Chang.

I..can’t imagine why.

Not you, too. That’s just too tragic.

I think you might’ve lost me, I’m missing the tragedy.

No, I think letting Hugh Efner go by unpunished is truly cruel, Chang.

Come on, it’s funny! Plus I’m comparing you to a very influential person. Look at the enterprise he built. I’m calling you a self made millionaire. 

Don’t go down this road, Chang. There were strict rules in place that you could only win one category. It’s why Rachel got best ass over Santana because she’d already gotten best chest.

I no longer want to comment on this because I don’t want to put myself in the place that you just have. It was nice knowing you, Brave Little Brodster.

Oh wow, now I know it’s serious you just Michael-ed me. It’s a show starring Rachel Berry, I’m not entirely sure how these things work, but they’ll have it up on the real stage ASAP. Look at the timing of all this, it worked out perfectly for you. I don’t think it’s an unknown. I believe they call this destiny. 

Have you always been a dork?

Always and forever. I was born this way.

You only won because I’d already won best biceps and was therefore ineligible.

Hey, whatever helps you sleep at night. They are very nice biceps, I mean I heard you only won because they didn’t want to give everything to me, but I might’ve imagined it.

Like runs a shelter for all other abandoned Lego animals to much, or like Lego Hannibal too much?

Now that you’re bringing it up, I’ not sure. But I mean look at her, she’s clearly too attached. Could you imagine holding a dog and never putting it down? That can’t be sanitary.

Give me some credit. I know my audience,  knew “shirtless” wouldn’t work on you.

Is it because I’m not Rachel? Should I talk more about cats? Or because I was voted best abs in the office? You knew I’d be unimpressed. 

Um… I turned 27 last month and I didn’t get any chocolate then? Or how about I helped you with all those videos that one time. And didn’t I give you the extra chips from the machine when it gave me two bags? That’s got to count for something, right?

I expected something along the lines of “have you seen me shirtless”, which I would’ve easily said no to, but you have real reasons. They definitely count. I’ll get you the hook up. It’ll be very romantic.