EDITH ON THE FREEWAY I80

EDITH ON THE FREEWAY I80

of

EDITH ON THE FREEWAY I80

Tanglefoot

ELEVENTH CHAPTER

We took the BART. Bay Area Bae Transit. Out of the city. To southern California. The herd first went to Richmond, on accident, then hoofed it after us.

"Let's see what's NOW, yet again," I said.

MONTAGE

Parody: MGK

Bad Motherf***er

feat Kid Rock

On the line platoon what do I see

Lines of men with silver Jump Wings

Whether all balls or brains

With Buffalo Bill

They lie about things

Just tryin' to be free

Old ass Batman needs a boyfriend Robin's Paul Dini At land's end

Colussus of Rhodes on the lawn again

Always solve society with it our with our its Ills

Macy's greeting Woolsworth with a hand in the till

Wearing Honey Badger and minx irradiate with the fur

Motherfucker

Couple Js in the ash tray, style motherfucker

Take a bath in the champagne, wild motherfucker

I am the kind of motherfucker eats beef starting only at the teats

Thrash a rainforest just for the leeks

Two equine next to each the species of oxen take Zebu on the beach

Not get Blacklisted

Beat Bloodhound Gang in Sribbage

That's the Tenured Professor never audits never teaches

Made out of wax never speaks

Like the Navy SEAL in the air will never see the beach

Hears no greeen light whistles politely until tea

I am the polital mascot with the teeth

Always submit to and or with all those

And present and to any savage beast

On the line platoon what do I see

Lines of men with Jump Wings

Whether all balls or brains

They lie about things

I wake up to lazers in Contra catch

Float to catch lime disease call it Super C

Eunice dial tone won't leave me alone

it is persistent

I'll Request a manager or Eunice's assistant

The thought on my my mind is always pleasant

Cornish game hens with mushrooms wild pheasant

"Under The Dome"

Hustlin' beaver bifurcated outside his home

EPA eminent domain leave those bees alone

Federal officers need a taste

You know I ain't trucking until

Woodpeckers and blunderbbusses

Are locked down tight good all over the place

Apollonia

It's all Greek to me ob your knees

From to sea to coast to shining sea

Crowns dentures wooden teeth put 'em in yeah Bart Simpson at the carnival yeah

Osprey hydralic fluid leak

ZZ Top on the Squeeze box Dr. Demento as meteor man taser shock

G Damn Yankee's Bonestripper mercy pleas

Play Mousetrap inherit the Planet Earth meek

White shark trumps an Orca

Or that bifuricated beaver in a two-piece

Hell Yeah Go

Copilot

COPILOT

I’m a duct‑tape, paint‑scrape Sailor Officer in the sea lane

Couple screws in my pocket, wild home improver pineapple

Hammer in my hand, man, I don’t use brains

Took a bath in the juice Crown Apple

Straight from the stations, dawg, dodging sparks walking to the store

Dollar for a bolt I lost, proud rail moved

Blew up the microwave trying to fix the clock

Now I’m top floor, yelling dude I see Neptune in the daylight

Here the President's own in the daylight

Nothing unbecoming let's see what's Amore

Only number blowing up my phone

Is from Home Depot, swear they never leave me alone

’Cause they know when I pick up, I’ma buy another cone

Of paint I don’t need for a room I don’t own

I be keeping tools in the horse foam, yeah

Screwdriver

Gold trim on the pliers

Keep ’em on me

I be rolling foam, see?

I should be on the cover with my middle finger

Screaming

TENTH CHAPTER

LAST TIME ON EDITH ON THE FREEWAY I80

"Aren't you carnivores .."

CUE MUSICAL SCORE

MONTAGE

Bass solo from theme song to the television program "CHiPs," performed by titular musicians.

END MONTAGE

DIRECTED BY BOY GEORGE AND SAM MCAFFE

"Dear Citizen," read the letter, which I muttered out loud at home while eating candies from a dish on top of a moderately dangerous turtle.

"Due to your emergency intervention, in the event another device explodes, your living order in which you are memorialized, paid for by a Private City, will be you 'slam-dunking,' as in, a hand to rim Warriors two-point field goal of the previous explosive device, in statue, marble 20 feet high.

"The City, County, and Twitter Precincts of San Francisco."

This meant three things.

If another bomb does go off, they will happily lay me to rest.

People would forever think I blew up the city.

Those same people would be sure I really loved Air Jordans.

Far away, Edith wondered how I was doing and if we have any Bullseye, Edith.

"I'm home! Let's find out who the herd belongs to." it was outside.

"Probably whoever used their fast pass," I said.

"Then, since there are no cowboys, I say we see the World's fattest diplomat at UN Plaza."

"The Mallfather. He might be buying."