who? @edgy-username-here - Tumblr Blog

Hello!!!

Since I got all my blogs nuked by tumblr, I took a break off here since I was too lazy to make another vent blog. But alas, I'm back. At least I can remake my horribly clunky pinned post to something more digestible. So let's get into that!

TW/CWS warnings

Self-harm mentions

Self-destructive behaviors

Negative self talk

Vauge posting

This blog will NEVER post or reblog photos of sh and will never endorse self-harm or any other self-destructive behavior. If anything comes across as glorification, romantization, or making light of serious issues, those are only applied to myself. I am very pro recovery!

PLEASE NOTE

If my content is upsetting to you or you just don't wanna see it? Block my ass!!! (Oposed to reporting me, pretty please🙏😩 lol or not you do you ig)

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Im going to college in the fall, and this is bringing up so many new emotions. Like I literally never even considered, I'd be able to go to college, let alone this year.

Im excited to go or whatever, but also in some ways, not so much.

This means my mom gets to act excited about it until anything less than positive happens when she gets to bring up that im leaving her like im doing something wrong by going. Whiplash much.

These good things happening also just make me feel so much more shitty about my lack of education. First off, because i feel like im not smart enough to go to college because i dont have the same education as everyone else, and like I didn't earn it. Also, partly because if, after very evidently not getting the age appropriate education to go to college, im still managing to pass the necessary things to go with some levle of ease- HOW WOULD MY LIFE HAVE LOOKED IF I WAS JUST ALLOWED TO GO TO HIGHSCHOOL LIKE A NORMAL PERSON!?!? Like you're fucking telling me if I would've been so so much farther ahead and smarter and more capable and probably would've taken college classes ALREADY before 18??? I could have even excelled academicly if I was given a goddamn chance?? Good to fucking know. Good to know how much lost time and waited potential I had. Not even just academically but also socially! Because I used to be at a pretty age appropriate social level if not a bit above (with all the so mature for your age shit) and now im just so fucking not. And i can't even blame myself for this because it was not my choice. I did not want this. I wanted to go to school and tryed to find compromises on doing so for years, I was even willing to live with my fucking DAD if it ment i could go. But now im so ruined that the idea of all of this is scary and feels like a betrayal to my family somehow. I have to hear about how my sister won't understand why im leaving and how things will be without me here (even though im literally only going 20 minutes away). It sounds sick in the head, but some of this just sparks like oddly suicidal thoughts? Even though that's really stupid , I'd never do anything like that, lately ive gotten the closest I've ever been to enacting a real plan to off myself, which is so stupid. I dont know why im so stressed out. I have shit to do tomorrow. I've been clean for too long. i need to cut it so it'll fix my brain for a bit.

Might fuck around and crash out again idk. Never posted anything about my last crash out here cause I was too lazy to log in when I was in the middle of sobbing uncontrollably for hours ✨️

Uhh im back on here i guess. Its been a time.

edgy-username-here

God please let my scars on my thighs fade quickly and nicely im getting a thigh tat for my birthday 😭😭😭🙏🙏🙏

edgy-username-here

Newsflash. This didn't happen. They still haven't faded to white MOUNTHS later. Soo fml lmao its been litterly like 5 months what the shit

#$h tumblr #$hblr #cvtblr #sh tumblr #self destruction #cvtt!ng #shblur #$h h4rm #tw sh

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Hey! Kinda important question/post

Okay, so I've been admittedly putting off making this post for some time now, but I need advice.

So, for context, I made the mistake or bad decision, or however you wanna slice it (pun intended) of cutting on my thigh one night, some time ago now. I haven't sh'd on my thighs in probably around half a decade now, and for the past years have been doing so on my hips.

I hoped they would heal and fade rather quickly, and while they are healed, I've come to the realization that they likely won't fade soon. Or at least, not as soon as I need them to.

You see, for my birthday (🎉) im going to get a tattoo, and I'm worried that in the process of getting said tattoo (despite the scars not being where I want it placed,) they will be visible. While I don't care if a tattoo artist sees these scars, I do care if my mom (who is taking me) sees them. Things would likely not go over well if she did, given MUCH past history and just knowing her (no shade to her, though. Love my mom)

So what i suppose I'm asking is this: does anyone have any tips on covering scars, via makup, clothes (that are applicable in this situation), information on how tattoo sessions work (and if it would be odd for me to ask her not to be present), and finally any advice on how I should/could go about handling her finding out about said scars?

Any and all input would be appreciated, I apologize for such a long post, and if you have any questions or clarifications you would like me to awncer/address please feel free to throw them out there and I'll awncer to the best of my abilities. (Even willing to dm a photo of said scaring if needed, but I'm not putting that on my blog.) I know this is my own problem that I got myself into, and regardless I'll figure something out or just bite the bullet and face the consequences, as is life lol but anyways thank you so much for reading<33

God please let my scars on my thighs fade quickly and nicely im getting a thigh tat for my birthday 😭😭😭🙏🙏🙏

#super exacied but also kinda freaked. its my own fault tho soo #$h tumblr #$hblr #cvtblr #sh tumblr #cvtt!ng #self destruction #shblur #sh jokes #sh meme #$h h4rm #i love cvtting #cvtting is silly #sh cvt #tw sh

Getting reminded about how my mom feels about sh is weird. Today, she said she was annoyed about how two marks on her arm (from getting burned on 2 separate occasions, accidentally) weren't all the way faded yet, because they looked intentional (i pointed this out to her awhile back and she laughed and agreed) and she didn't want anyone to "judge her" to which I said that the only peaple who would are dicks anyways for judging someone for that, only for her to clarify that she ment if they assumed it was Sh at all she would take offence. Because she thinks Sh is awful and literally thinks sh scars specifically are disgusting (she's said this on multiple occasions lol)

#times like this just reaffirm why ive never talked to her about sh on my own volition and likely never will #anytime shes found out or ive mentioned it. things ive said have been taken horribly or i wasn't even lisstoned to and instead screamed at.#fun stuff. its funny cause on alot of fronts our relationship has gotten better but i think i have to understand she will never chainge her #mind on this. and i cant entirely blame her. partly cause i know she thinks in the times shes shamed me and screamed at me somehow helped.#even though it didn't. at all. and did just make things worse. but also partly bevause shes not wrong and ik i shouldn't be doing this still #$h tumblr #$hblr #cvtblr #sh tumblr #cvtt!ng #self destruction #shblur #sh jokes #sh meme #$h h4rm #i love cvtting #cvtter nation #sh cvt #sh scars #cvtting is silly

I've said it before and I'll say it again, i believe the entire reason that my shaveing razors have never even so much as accidentally nicked me despite dry shaving everytime, is that they know what has happened to the razors before them, they fear being dismembered and bloodied like their brotheren.

#im joke8ng im jokeing. but it is kinda Intresting since ive been accidentally cut by many things. but never my shaveing razors #the thing that i fiest shed with #$h tumblr #$hblr #cvtblr #sh tumblr #cvtt!ng #self destruction #shblur #sh jokes #sh meme #$h h4rm #i love cvtting #cvtting is silly

Rip my thin fucking ass walls oml I need to take a shower but it's 1am and I don't wanna be wakeing up anyone to get litterly yelled at for showering this late 😩 i got away with it last time but I'm rushing so bad, like it ain't even that I'm all that freaked about getting told off but more so that part of me is parrinoid about worst case situations where my scars get shown cause obviously they are just out in the shower and I can't do anything for that

#just being annoying online about dumb things cause i can be lol #couldent take one today then had to wait till everyone was asleep and ik my lazy ass will not take one in the morning in addition to also #being busy then so it wouldnt be like id have to time to do that anyways.

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Not sure if I want the healing cuts on my thigh to scar or not- like usually I would but also then I'll have to deal with the 😰repercussions😰

#probably will scar to some extent but also im hella nervous watching these mfs.#$hblr #cvtblr #sh tumblr #cvtt!ng #self destruction #$h tumblr #shblur #sh jokes #sh meme #$h h4rm

th1rdt3chnician

who up hating pop psychology

I can't escape myself

It's too late now I'm cooked or whatever the kids say nowadays I'm actually shaking so bads

Welp I'm i think what one might call,, fucked

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Litterly so close to hitting fuck-it and cutting on my thighs. I don't wanna get found out and sent away. I don't. But honestly so little feels like it matters anymore. It'll be cold for awhile. I can hide it for awhile. I hate this i hate this so much I just want to feel at peace and in control for a few fucking please why does that have to come with such a horrible consequence. Why does that have to make everyone angry. I don't wanna make everyone angry. I just want to feel okay and to have a easy time doing it that doesn't also fucking exhaust me.

Yippe menty b time

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