@wolfstarmicrofic - asexual - wc: 573
This was it. The moment he had been waiting for three years now.
Remus and him were finally alone, in their dorm, completely unbothered. Sirius felt Remus' hands under his shirt, slowly roaming higher, the cool air hitting his waist. He shivered at the contact. It was fine. This was how it was supposed to be. To be fair, he had imagined the whole 'butterflies in your stomach' thing a bit differently. Right now it felt more like he was on a broom that was falling. But he supposed butterflies was one way to put it.
He let Remus place him down on the bed. Lying was good. Made him a bit less light-headed. Take off clothes, lie on bed, put thing in hole. Another shiver washed over him. It was fine.
"Sirius!" The way Remus said his name made it clear that it wasn't the first time. He seemed worried. Oh no. Sirius had already ruined it.
"Sorry. I was just..." he trailed off. He couldn't very well tell him how wrong it felt. How disappointing it all was. This was the big thing everybody was always yapping about? Maybe it was better when it was actually happening. Or maybe Sirius was doing something wrong.
"You looked like you were on the verge of a panic attack." Remus drew back a bit, kneeling on the bed. Sirius was relieved about the distance.
Breath still shaky, Sirius sat up, drawing his knees to his chest. He felt his penis wobble between his legs. A useless piece of meat. Sometimes its pure existence disgusted him. "Sorry. Sorry. I'm... Am I doing this right? You have more expertise here than me. I'm really just following your lead." He choked out a weak laugh.
Remus drew his eyebrows together slightly, eyeing Sirius. His eyes had changed from heavy with lust to an honest, platonic care. For the first time since they had entered this room, Sirius felt like he could breathe again. Remus loved him. He cared for him.
"Well, it's right if we both feel good doing it. There's really nobody to tell us how to do things. We can just decide what we want or don't want." he shrugged.
"Did it feel good for you?" Sirius asked.
He noticed Remus hesitating. He opened his mouth before thinking better of it, then reconsidering. "It didn't feel like you were entirely... comfortable. It's always important to me that my partners are relaxed and having a good time. But especially with you. You are my best friend above everything and I never want to hurt you or make you uncomfortable."
Sirius felt his body relax with every word. Remus always seemed to know how to talk to him. "I... Yeah. You're right. I felt... Disgusting. Not because of you though," he quickly added, "I... fuck. I love you. And I really, really want this relationship to work. I just... I dunno. It feels weird. All the skin and the spit and... I'm sorry."
Remus moved towards him; carefully, like one would approach an injured animal, trying not to scare it. "How about we leave this be for tonight? You can take a shower, I will get us some tea, and then we can do something with all our clothes on. And we'll talk about this when you're ready."
Quickly, Sirius nodded. It felt like a whole house had been removed from his chest. He could breathe again.
