ugh

Jungkook: 😲😲😲!!!!!

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jiang cheng is trying really hard to pretend he cares about birds, so he and nie huaisang can have something in common again. jury’s still out on whether or not it’s working.

—

jiang cheng: and where do you think you’re going?!

nie huaisang, leaving the meeting: stress is bad for the baby

jiang cheng: what baby?

nie huaisang: me. I’m baby

—

jiang cheng: are you taking shots?!

nie huaisang: yeah want some?

jiang cheng: ………..yes give it here

—

nie huaisang: this is the best way to go about this

other leaders: we don’t believe you

nie huaisang, really doesn’t care what they do anymore this meeting has been going on for 5 hours: that sounds like a you problem

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nie huaisang seeing off those sect leaders who refused to listen to him: bye! I trust in your ability to handle this your way!!!

nie huaisang: there’s a 30% chance they’re all gonna die

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jiang cheng: slices a table in half

jiang cheng, throwing some money at the broken table: I’ll pay for that

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other sect leaders: is this… a liability waiver?

nie huaisang: yeah I had some written up after sect leader jiang broke that guy’s legs last meeting? anyways everyone sign one before going in please

other sect leader: maybe…. sect leader jiang could stop injuring people at meetings instead?

nie huaisang: hahaha No. don’t forget to date your signature.

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jiang cheng: either we start agreeing or I’m gonna get the whip

nie huaisang: diplomacy at its finest

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nie huaisang: everyone, welcome to the banquet! the unclean realms welcomes all its allies!

jiang cheng: wei wuxian is sucking face with lan wangji right behind you

nie huaisang: this ain’t about them

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nie huaisang: sorry I’m late. I ran into a problem on the way

jiang cheng: what problem?

nie huaisang: not wanting to come

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nie huaisang: we need to do something about your temper. how about you just do what I do?

jiang cheng: which is?

nie huaisang: every time sect leader yao talks I imagine shoving my fist down his throat and watching him choke on it slowly, clutching at his neck, as his face turns blue and he dies.

nie huaisang: really puts me in a much better mood :)

jiang cheng: …. noted

—

jiang cheng vividly imagining killing sect leader yao: oh hey

Wei Wuxian is extremely smart! And also convinced that he’s the smartest person in the room, and he always knows best what to do, and that nobody else can have a better idea than him.

Wei Wuxian is very accomplished and capable! And also unbearably prideful, and incapable of humbling himself to accept help.

Wei Wuxian is wonderfully funny! And a lot of fun to be around, until you know  that something’s wrong and he’ll keep deflecting with jokes forever and never let you in. 

Wei Wuxian is incredibly loyal! Which is great, until he finds himself with a debt that can only be repaid by turning his back on the entire world  and rejecting all his friends and family in order to honor it.

Wei Wuxian is deeply loving! And that will lead him to mutilate himself and lie about it to suffer in silence forever for the sake of someone he loves rather than allow them to be in pain.

•

Sugar & Spice aka seducing Sect Leader Jiang by boosting Yunmeng’s economy(?) for sangcheng zine (sc_zine on twitter) 

it’s okay Huaisang, that’s how he shows that he cares