pairing: fem!reader x eddie munson
summary: you’re extremely depressed and eddie takes care of you
warnings: angst/ fluff, happy ending. swearing, ed, depression, i think that’s it but tell me if i missed any
a/n: a little angsty story to reflect how i’m feeling. i know eds and depression aren’t like this for everyone, but this is how they manifest for me. also sorry for the long intro to this story. leave requests and criticism<3 (not proofread)
you had some bad habits. self-destructive ones. they only got worse when you were in a bad headspace. and that’s exactly where you were right now. if you imagined what your brain looks like, all you would see is a black void. you felt so, so shitty and you didn’t know what to do about it.
when you got like this, you also tended to hate everything about yourself. your body, your voice, the way you smiled. you hating your body was the worst. you could stare at yourself in the mirror for hours and keep picking out new points of insecurity. how pointy your knees were. how your neck was too long. how your ribs were too wide. but the worst of all was your stomach. no matter the size, you always thought it was too big. or that it was shaped weird. shouldn’t it be flat? you thought to yourself.
there was one thing in the entire world that made you feel a smidgen better. and that was your boyfriend, eddie munson. he always knew how to make you smile when you feel like you can’t. when you’re upset he spends extra time with you, just to cheer you up. but the thing is, you hated doing this to him. you hated that he would drop everything to come and be with you. it made you feel like a burden.
this time around was especially bad. you hadn’t showered in four days, you didn’t sleep at night. instead you stayed up thinking about everything that was wrong with you. you hadn’t eaten anything but a bite of a granola bar in the past 24 hours. the hunger in your stomach was painful, but you couldn’t bring yourself to eat anything. you couldn’t bear it. when you ate, it made you feel dirty. you knew that people needed to eat, but you didn’t want to. you ate too much anyways, you felt.
eddie noticed. he noticed right away, actually. he noticed the purple bags under your eyes. he noticed the way your shoulders hung low. and he noticed how you didn’t talk. you didn’t talk, only speaking when you needed to. he was worried, he just didn’t know how to approach you. he knew this episode was a bad one.
you woke in the morning, after getting a single hour of sleep. you turned to your bedside table, where your alarm was ringing through the air. you pressed stop, almost pushing it off the table completely. you let out a long groan, trying to rub tiredness from your eyes. you rolled out of bed and walked into the bathroom. you took a look at yourself. you were revolted. you had basically black half-circles under your eyes, your hair was a greasy mess, and your body looked like a skeleton. you don’t know why, but looking at yourself in such a state made you angry. you were pissed at yourself for letting yourself get to this state, but you were also pissed because you knew you couldn’t stop it. you just had to keep getting worse.
you didn’t bother brushing your hair, or putting it up. you didn’t dare touch your toothbrush. or even think about stepping into the shower. instead, you just peed and left the bathroom. getting back to your room was even worse.
when you opened the door to your room, it made you even more angry. there were clothes everywhere, half you didn’t even remember wearing. your records were strewn about in one corner, and in the opposite was your record player. you tried to ignore the mess and opened your closet. you grabbed the closest pair of sweat pants and threw those on, then finding a tshirt and a sweatshirt to match. you took a final look in the mirror and all you saw was a black, dirty mess. you put the hood up around your head, it didn’t make much of a difference. you left the closet, grabbed your backpack, and left the house.
as you were leaving, you could hear your parents yelling after you. “aren’t you gonna eat breakfast?” “you’ve got to clean your room!” have a good day, sweetie!” jesus, they were annoying.
you hopped into your car, throwing your bag in the seat next to you. you didn’t bother putting music on, the ride silent and long.
once you got to school, you stayed in your car extra long, waiting for everyone to leave the parking lot. you didn’t want to face anyone, especially not eddie. you knew he was worried about you, you just didn’t care enough to talk to him.
once the parking lot was pretty much clear, apart from a few stragglers, you grabbed your backpack and hopped out. you strode from your car to the school, your head down the entire time.
it was now lunch time, but you couldn’t be bothered to actually get any. you walked into the cafeteria, immediately spotting your boyfriend and his crew. normally, you’d go over, seating yourself on his lap, laughing along with the group. but today? you found an empty table across the lunchroom from them. once you sat down, you put your head down, hoping you get a quick nap in.
as you were falling into sleep, you felt a hand tug you on the shoulder. you whipped around to curse out whoever it was, but you were already being dragged out of the cafeteria.
once in the hallway, you realized it was eddie you dragged you out here.
“eddie what the hell, i was trying to sleep.” you snap at him.
“y/n, i’m worried about you. you wont talk to me, you look like shit-“ he realizes what he just said before continuing.
“wow, thanks for the compliment, you think i don’t know how i fucking look? yeah, eddie, i know i look fucking sick.” you cross your arms over your chest.
“that’s not what i meant, i’m just worried about you. you’re not okay and i can tell.” he tries to hug you, but you wriggle out of his embrace.
“i’m fine, eddie, honestly.” you wanted to tell him the truth, but you didn’t want to burden him with your problems.
“okay, y’know what.” he grabs you by the legs and throws you over his shoulder. you kick and punch at him, but he was an iron grip.
“eddie, put the fuck down right now! i don’t need your fucking help! put me down!” you scream at him. you continue to to kick and punch him, but it’s no use.
he doesn’t talk again until you’re in the passenger seat of his van. you huff as he sets you down, punching him some more. before you get out, he’s in the driver’s seat, turning on the car.
“eddie, we’re in the middle of fucking school, where the hell are we going.” you can feel the anger bubbling in your veins. you just don’t want him to help. you feel bad making him deal with you.
“we’re going back to my place and you’re telling me what’s wrong.” he says, sternly. his grip around the steering wheel is tight, his knuckles turning white. what the hell does he have to be mad about? you say to yourself, turning and looking out the window.
once you get to his house, he opens your door for you. you walk up to his door, still with your head hanging low. you know he’s going to confront you, you just don’t know what to say when he does.
he opens the front door for you and you shyly walk inside. once he’s inside as well, he shuts the door slowly, almost like he’s preparing himself. this scares you. what if you pushed him away too far this time? what if this his final straw?
“y/n, i know something is up. i don’t know if i did something, or you’re done with me, i just need to know what’s up. i need to know what’s going on in my girl’s head.” he walks to you and looks down at you. you’re still too scared to meet his gaze. there’s a million things you want to say, but you can’t find the right words to do so.
“eddie…i…i don’t know what’s wrong.” the words start spilling out of you, without your control. “i’m so tired, but i cant sleep. i’m hungry, but i wont eat. and my entire body just aches all the time. i feel like im going to pass out most of the time. my mind is a never ending void, and i just keep falling farther into it.” you’re crying now, saying everything through short sobs and hiccups. eddie cups your face in his hands, turning your face to look at his. he swipes away your tears, but it’s really no use because they just keep coming.
“y/n, you need to tell me this stuff. i’m here for you baby.” his eyes are pleading to have a look into your mind. you can tell he really cares.
“i know, but i feel like such a burden. i don’t like worrying you with my problems.” the sobs start racking through your body. you shake and hyperventilate. being vulnerable scares you, even though you’ve done it a million times before with him.
“hey, y/n, breathe. take a deep breath sweetheart.” he pulls you into his chest, wrapping his arms around you tight. you cant stop crying, but his hand running down your back soothes you.
“eddie-please help me. i need help.” you say into his chest. he hugs you a bit tighter before pulling away just enough to look at you.
“y/n, i will help you, but you need to let me help you. you’re not burdening me with your problems, i love soothing you. you just need to tell me them, so that i can help you before things get this bad. now what can i do for you?” he places a kiss to your forehead and swipes some more tears away.
“i-i need a shower. and i need to clean my teeth.” you laugh a little, knowing your breath smells rank.
“alright, good job honey. do you want to shower with me, or by yourself?” he says, walking to the bathroom.
“with you, please.” his hand in is yours as you follow him. he turns on the shower and asks if you’re okay with the temperature. he helps you strip and get into the shower, before shedding his own clothes.
in the shower, he washes your hair and body, helping you stay up straight. as he’s washing you, he sees just how skinny you’ve gotten. he decides not to say anything, but it puts a strain on his chest. he’s careful with your legs and arms. and when he gets to your torso, he holds back tears as he can see your ribs. once he’s gotten you clean and rinsed, he helps you out of the shower and wraps you in a towel.
“alright, let me see if i have a spare toothbrush for you. should be around here somewhere…” he says looking in drawers. as he does, you look at yourself in the mirror, realizing what he just saw. you start to cry again and he pulls you into another hug.
“what is it, baby? what’s got you crying?” he hugs you more carefully this time, worrying he might hurt you.
“i’m a fucking skeleton.”
“baby, let’s skip the teeth and get some food in you. i know you’re starving.” he carries you into the kitchen, setting you down on the counter.
“alright what do you want? i think we have some ramen somewhere, or i could make you a sandwich. or do you want a burger? i think i could one up” you laugh at how he thinks he can cook a burger.
“we both know you can’t cook a burger. ramen will be just fine.” you’re still laughing when he gives you a hurt expression.
“oh, c’mon, i can totally cook a burger. i’d rather not burn down my kitchen today, so i’ll go with the ramen. but one day i will cook you the best burger you’ve ever had.” he jokes as he grabs a pot.
you sit on the counter, watching him cook as he hums a little tune. you jump off the counter and grab his hand. knowing what you’re doing, he spins you around, by the arm. he grabs your waist and pulls you into him. you get lost in the dancing and are only pulled out it, when you hear sizzling.
“eddie! you let the water boil over!”
“oh shit!” he jumps towards the stove and moves the pan off the burner. you crumble with laughter.
soon, the ramen is done and you’re seated on the couch with the bowl in front of you. you’re scared. your stomach is screaming for food, but you don’t think you can do it.
“come on, baby. you gotta eat.” eddie coaxes the bowl towards you. he’s rubbing his hand up and down your back. you finally get of the feeling in your stomach, grabbing the bowl. you shove a huge chunk into your mouth and chew.
“woah, slow down, honey. i don’t know the  Heimlich maneuver.” he laughs through his words. you try to smile at him, your mouth filled with noodles. he laughs more at that, before turning on the tv.
once you’ve finished your food, eddie is immediately proud of you. “good job honey, thank you for eating.” he holds your face and kisses you.
“thank you eds” you say through the kiss.
“alright, now let’s get you dressed.” he lifts you up again and carries you to his bedroom where he sets you on the bed.
“how does one of my shirts and a pair of boxers sound?” he asks, holding up the two items.
“sounds perfect.” you say, standing up.
“alright now lift your hands over your head so i can dress you”
“eddie, i can dress myself y’know”
“shush, let me take care of you” he lifts your arms and pulls the shirt over your head. then he leans down, having you step into the boxers. once he pulls them around your waist, he lays on the bed.
“come here, pretty girl.” he opens his arms for you, before you crawl on top of him. you nuzzle your head into neck as he rubs your back.
“thank you for taking care of me. i’m sorry for not talking to you sooner. i love you eds” you say into his neck
“i love taking care of you. and don’t be sorry, i know how hard it is for you to talk to people about these things. i love you too, sweet girl. now try to get some sleep.”
soon you’re drifting off to sleep as he plants kisses to your head and holds you a little closer.