decrepit ancient being

im generally not a very jealous person so i am feeling lots of brand new emotions right now

i'm an expert on being jealous you can ask me anything you're confused about

how do i kill everything thats ever lived

This is official and real. US taxpayers: Tell them you want this!

this survey also does not ask for any personal information

Dude if you lead me into temptation instead of delivering me from evil i fucking swear bro

person whose birthday is coming up: yeah i'm like a bodhisattva now. i don't really "want" things. yeah i've renounced all earthly desires. so no i don't know what i want for my birthday

they should make a version of socializing that doesn’t make you feel like you’re still the weird 12 year old kid that doesn’t know why she’s not normal like the other kids

a sense of calm pervades the shelf stable aisles of the supermarket, quite different to the desperate urgency of perishables

No problem, Mr. Wonder, take your time.

coming home after a long and difficult shift at the disease factory

we saw you from across the bar and you looked really anxious. can you tell us five things you can see, four things you can hear. okay good, we’re glad you’re okay. do you wanna come home with us and have a threesome?