I wonder if you have any thoughts about what type of relationship do you think that Paul had wanted? In comparing to the general idea that John wanted something more inclusive. Just continue as lovers aside of having his family. We know Paul felt rejected and put aside of Yoko.
It's very complicated. Based on Paulâs breakdown in 1968 after John became intensely involved with Yoko, itâs clear that Paul did not want his relationship with John to end the way it did. Given how happy they were together in 1967, he probably wanted things to remain like that forever. That was likely his dream as well, and I donât think his deepest wishes were all that different from Johnâs. I used to say that Paul simply wanted a traditional family life, like John once angrily said, but the truth is much more complex. After reading additional interviews from the 1960s, it becomes clear that Paul was deeply ambivalent about settling down. He said he doubted heâll ever be able to truly settle, that he enjoys his freedom, and that he wants to date many women. He also likely understood that marriage would inevitably change his relationship with John. He definitely wanted children (Maggie said that was obvious) but when she described him as âdesperate to settle down,â this was during the period when John was intensely attached to Yoko. We know Paul felt left out, and that dynamic likely accelerated his need to commit sooner than he otherwise would have.
When I first began learning about the Beatles, I was surprised to see how rocky Paul and Janeâs relationship was â how often they both got cold feet about marriage â yet he still proposed. I found it so odd because they obviously had a lot of unresolved issues. To me, that suggests that outside pressure played a major role. His family loved Jane and wanted them to marry. He was already entering his late twenties, which was considered a bit late for a man to remain unmarried at the time (the average marriage age for a man in the UK was around 23). The press constantly speculated about whether he would marry Jane. And, as Iâve mentioned before, there were whispers about his sexuality â whether widespread or not, Paul seemed aware of them. I suspect Paul's constant and umprompted defensiveness about his sexuality over the years precisely because people had privately questioned it, even if they never did so openly in the media. If he continued an intensely close relationship with John while refusing to marry Jane (or anyone else), people might have begun asking questions. So his proposal may have come less from desire to settle down and more from pressure to conform. Paul even admitted that the engagement made him nervous. And before marrying Linda, we again see him panicking, breaking down, and emotionally unraveling. Before Linda, I donât believe Paul loved anyone the way he loved John â and that created a deep internal conflict. He wanted children and knew that eventually he was going to get married, he probably felt that was expected of him. But at the same time, I think he wanted to maintain his relationship with John as it was during the 60s â ideally like in 1967, when they were inseparable. Yet he also likely knew that could not last in the world they lived in. He must have known that continuing that closeness indefinitely would intensify speculation that already existed. Paul was acutely self-conscious of their public image and didnât want rumors circulating, especially ones that could damage their careers. So even if he wanted his relationship with John to stay the same forever (which he likely did), he also understood that this was nearly impossible in the world they were living in â let alone for it to become something even more exclusive or co-dependent.
And yes, as you said, maybe he believed he could marry while still keeping what he had with John, just in a more private form, even though he must have known that wasnât sustainable. John most likely didnât want Paul to give in to the pressure to marry, even if he probably knew, deep down, that Paul eventually would. John openly admitted that he was deeply insecure and possessive â âof everything, male and femaleâ â and itâs very likely he didnât want to share Paul with anyone else. People often say, âPaul point-blank rejected Johnâs wish for something more committed, and thatâs why John had a breakdown, because Paul's main desire all along was to have a family.â But I donât think it was that simple. Because if anything, Paul seems to have felt just as (if not more) rejected. His behavior in 1968 reflects intense emotional pain: bingeing on drugs and sex, dating multiple women at once, letting his home fall into disarray, getting married partly because he felt abandoned by Johnâs devotion to Yoko, and becoming visibly distressed whenever John spoke about loving her. All of that suggests someone who was deeply hurt by the way their relationship changed, someone who didnât want it to end. And as I've already said, he was still deeply conflicted about starting a family and settling down (even though he proposed to Jane).
Some people argue that John and Paul were too closeted to desire or even consider something deeper and more inclusive between them. But I donât think itâs that simple. Closeted people sometimes move through cycles of (partial) self-acceptance followed by denial (and I strongly believe this was Johnâs case). For some, the main source of tension is concern about how others perceive them and a desire not to be seen as queer, even while they might be willing to engage in same-sex intimacy in private â especially with someone they feel emotionally close to and safe with. Even if John and Paul did not want to think of themselves as queer, they likely tried to see their bond as something unique and chose not to label it, something they felt secure in. Over time, they may also have become more accepting of the idea that some people simply do not fit neatly into a strictly heterosexual category (particularly if both of them experienced attraction to other men, suggesting that this wasnât exclusive to their relationship), even if they never used the word âbisexual.â This seems especially true around 1967, when they were at their most couple-like, sometimes living together, and John was even wearing pins from gay magazines. I also suspect that Johnâs later homophobic remarks may have been tied to the deterioration of his relationship with Paul, a way of distancing himself from a part of his identity that had become painful.
In the end, they were both deeply wounded â âtwo men scorned,â as Paul put it â by the way things ended. They didnât want it to end that way, and they probably wished that, in another world, they could have lived as they pleased. But they also knew their relationship wasnât sustainable in the long run, given their enormous fame, public scrutiny, their families, and the world they were living in. Their feelings for each other were too deep and complex to coexist peacefully with the social norms of their time.
I always have the following verse from Tug of War in mind whenever I think of this:
"In another world
We could stand on top of the mountain
With our flag unfurled."
