my neighbor and I had sex last Saturday. it was an unbelievable night, atleast for me. I wish I knew how he felt. I know he’s emotionally unavailable rn but omg I went into that night saying ‘it’s just gonna be sex I will not get attached’ and now I’m beyond into him and it’s been all I can think about. when we were hanging out he said he was nervous before we kissed and it was SO CUTE. I was instantly comfortable around him. why does that happen to me only with emotionally unavailable men. I was literally my complete self and more, and that’s such a hard thing to do, open me up that is. and the sex was really really good. like so good. but the part that got me was just our conversations. And the actual fun we had. he’s so sexy. And funny. but like the chemistry was absolutely unreal. ahhh tonight I ran into him on our porch and he was telling me about his day and said we should have another movie night. he’s my mcdreamy like on greys anatomy

I feel like I mess up anything that might be good for me. Why am I like this? here I am self sabotaging and fucking something up with a boy I really really like. I have no idea what I’m doing. I have the strongest feeling I could experience something so amazing. But I am so rediculous and probably messed it up anyways lol.