𝐓𝐇𝐄     𝐌𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓𝐀

I was born to inherit this. From my first breath, it was meant to be mine.

You are not the heir my father chose, whatever claim you may believe yourself to possess.

The council shall convene at dawn, and there decide what is to become of me.

I have been schooled since infancy to sit that throne. No one thought to teach me how lonely it would be.

You are but a second son. By rights, that ought to mean little. Here, it means all.

The succession runs in my blood, heedless of my wishes. I have never once been granted a choice in any of it.

I would surrender my claim for you. 

You look upon that throne as though it were a cage. Of late, I have begun to see the bars as well.

The court has already begun to choose its banners. I must know beneath which one you mean to stand.

You possess the better claim to this crown, and we both know it, though the court may choke upon the truth.

The regency ends when I come of age next spring. I cannot say whether I am prepared for what follows.

My sister gathers allies in the north and calls men to her banners. I do not think she means to wait for the old king to die in his own bed.

I would trade this birthright for a single year lived as any common soul might live. 

The council would have me wed before autumn’s end, that the succession might be secured. Not one among them has thought to ask whom I would choose.

I watched my father die with his fingers still closed around a power he no longer possessed the strength to wield.

You would rule with greater kindness than any of us.

The crown has passed over me and settled upon my cousin’s brow. I have spent my whole life preparing for a future that is mine no longer.

I do not desire the throne. I desire only the right to refuse it, and even that has been denied me.

You were raised in exile, waiting upon a claim that might never ripen. I do not know how the waiting has not broken you.

I have inherited a war I did not begin and a crown I am not certain I have earned.

You would burn the realm to ash before you saw it fall into unworthy hands. I have begun to wonder whether mine are such hands.

The laws of succession favor the eldest son. I had the ill fortune to be born a daughter, and thus wrongly born in the eyes of the crown.

You ask whether I desire this. No one has asked me such a thing in all my life. I find I do not know how to answer.

The realm requires a strong hand upon the throne. I do not know that mine is strong enough. Tell me that it is, even should you have to lie.

You would have made a good queen. I think upon that more often than I should, now that the crown has fallen to me instead.

The ancient laws decree that the crown must pass through blood alone. I fear that law has destroyed far more of this family than it ever preserved.

You stood beside me at my coronation when half the court wished you cast out. I shall remember it until my dying day.

This quarrel over the succession has already claimed two lives. I fear it has not yet taken its full due.

I never wished to rule. I wished only to be free. No one born to this house has ever been permitted both.

You would surrender everything for me. I begin to understand that you count your claim among those sacrifices.

I have worn this crown for but a single day, and already I understand how it broke my father.

You are the rightful heir, and every soul in this chamber knows it, even those who would rather bite out their tongues than confess it.

The throne was never meant to be mine. Perhaps that is the very thing that might set me free of it.

You once told me that power is not inherited, but seized. I did not understand you until I watched my brother reach for mine.

The council fears the ruler I may yet become. On certain days, I find that I fear them as well.

I would sooner lay down my crown than become the sort of monarch my father was.

i would ask you how you’ve been, but it’s all over the internet.

if you’re looking for an autopsy or a half-assed half-apology, you picked the wrong time to make this call.

it’s not irrelevant that you stopped taking your medicine.

but it’s cold.

i don’t know, i’m alone.

there ain’t no shame in calling it quits.

you’re a ghost.

you’re poison spreading into my lungs.

i ain’t holding my breath or any faith at all.

i’ll pray for you, be in pain for you.

i’ll leave the porch light on.

you act like we just sit up here and wait for you to reappear.

i want to see you lose it.

i want to hear you say it.

i want to know the dark that i share a brain with.

do you still have a heart or did somebody steal it?

i’m far too tired to watch you lie.

another thing we don’t talk about anymore.

don’t worry, i won’t bring it up.

when i ask about the past, you deny it.

we’re both exhausted for different reasons.

i used to care to know your secrets.

you said you got a guilty conscience, but i ain’t ever seen it.

you can scream at me when i come home.

i always wish you well.

it’s gone to shit without you.

it was shit before, but at least i had you.

there ain’t nothing to report.

i’ve been taking your advice.

if i see one more cybertruck, i swear to god i’m gonna floor it.

i need somebody here to talk me out of things i can’t undo.

saw the world from up close, it ain’t much to look at.

i can’t make myself whole, most days i’d be lucky just to get half.

you’ve seen me in places so low, you can recognize when it’s real bad.

i used to hate the silence.

used to make me think about the old days.

i love you and i can’t fake that for a moment.

we go way back.

tell me that i have substance, that i’m important.

i’m always trying to run from what i’m known for.

gambling with the sun on which one of us dies young.

i ain’t afraid to hold the gun.

wipe your hands and wash your face.

you can fuck up all you want and blame it on your dad.

i want to be you, but i don’t want to be that.

where i’m from and what i’m worth have gotten too damn intertwined.

fuck it, i might even disappear.

i hope you’ve had a decent time.

gonna be rich in our own way.

i swear you’re gonna get it, kid.

they didn’t look scared at all.

tell me when it feels like you can’t escape me.

i’m just happy you still call.

some things live forever, even when they die.

everyone looks happy in a photograph.

i’m always on my own.

maybe i’m manic again.

i think this time i’m out for good.

this ain’t mine anymore.

i made too much goddamn noise.

i’m done staring at the void.

i was high when i met you.

life was something to get through.

we’re too old for both of us to keep howling at the moon.

oh my, what a time to be alive.

tell me, love, if the devil ever comes, to make good on the debts that i owe.

tell the stories i would tell.

make a few of your own.

i was afraid you might wake up and remember who i am, and what i’ve done.

i grew up with a feeling that what’s good must be fleeting.

some will never know they’re beautiful until the crowd points it out for them.

i’m on alien ground.

i’m an astronaut, you’re the moon.

even god is trying to warn you, all this ain’t for you.

i’m an aging wolf who lost the taste for blood.

i’m gonna lose you either way.

everybody’s asleep,  let’s talk about it.

you’ve been the best five minutes of a shitty year.

we’re so alone most of the time.

where do we go when we die?

i wouldn’t mind right here.

you told me how unfair it is, that i have what i have and you got what you got.

i’d give it all back if i could, i cannot.

i hated the way i made it all about me.

every day from back then is like a bad dream.

hey, that’s us.

you and i will be found.

The study session was your idea. You haven't opened your book once.

I know what people say about me. I'm asking what you think.

You're the only person on this campus who treats me like I'm more than my jersey number.

We said no feelings. I think I'm really bad at rules.

You left your hoodie at my place three weeks ago. I've been sleeping in it. Don't make it weird.

Practice ran late. I know. I'm sorry. Please don't be asleep yet.

The whole team thinks we're together. When were you going to tell me you didn't correct them?

I don't bring people to my games. I got you a ticket. Show up.

You tutored me all semester. The least I can do is take you to dinner. A real one.

I've kissed a lot of girls at this school. I keep thinking about the one I haven't.

Tell me again why this is such a bad idea.

That thing you said after the game. Did you mean it or were you just caught up in the moment?

I asked around about you before I talked to you. I'm not embarrassed about that.

I've never had someone wait up for me before. I didn't know what to do with it so I panicked.

Everyone on the team knows I'm gone for you. I'm the last one to say it out loud.

Stop apologizing for taking up space in my life. I made room on purpose.

I told coach I was injured. I'm not injured. I just needed to see you. 

You came to the away game. You hate away games.

I'm not good at this. I'm good at hockey and not much else. But I want to try. For you.

The girl I was pretending to date is the only one I actually want. Life is funny like that.

Draft day is coming and I'm more scared of losing you than losing my shot.

I've been in love with you since the library. Third floor. Two years ago. You had headphones in.

Don't let me sign that contract without knowing if you'd come with me.

You're the smartest person in any room you walk into. I don't know why you're in mine.

The bet was stupid and I knew it was stupid and I did it anyway because it meant spending time with you.

You deserve someone who shows up. I'm working on being that person. Just don't give up on me yet.

My teammates are idiots but they're not wrong about this one.

I've never been nervous before a game. I'm nervous right now and the game isn't for six hours.

You said you didn't want anything serious. I've been trying to be okay with that. I'm not okay with it.

I graduate in May. So do you. I don't want the thing between us to fizzle out. 

I know you're not mine. I also know I'd do anything to change that.

The whole campus is at that party. I'd rather be here. With you. On your couch. Watching whatever you want.

You looked at me different after the game last week. Why?

Tell me what you want. Not what you think I can handle. What you actually want.

I've been the fun one, the easy one, the no-strings one. I don't want to be that with you.

You're the only reason I made it through finals week. I'm not sure you know that.

I don't do mornings. I did this morning. I'd do every morning. That terrifies me.

The long distance thing scares me. You scare me. I'm choosing scared.

I'm not asking you to wait. I'm asking you to want to.

It stopped being fake somewhere around week two. I just didn't know how to tell you.