hi โ๐ป
i know i had already disappeared for a bit but i will likely continue to be because of a family emergency (two of my most beloved relatives are in the hospital and one is in emergency surgery). That on top of the everything else has made it so I am barely keeping afloat. I won't ask for financial help at this time but might need to in the future.
i haven't had a break from bad things happening in two years now. Every time something begins to look up the next shoe drops. I can barely keep up with my current absolute priorities. And I don't know how to ask for help. Even if i did, i don't know where to begin. I feel like a burden with everything and everyone. Like I'm annoying and bothering everybody i have had more than a three minute conversation with.
i have been distracting myself with reading fic and the but of rp i do but that's it. I have documents open with like *a* sentence if that (maybe more on a few) for my fics I owe from my birthday/150 followers celebration or tumblr trick or treat. Every time I think about writing my brain immediately says I'm not good enough and everyone will hate it. I have a therapist and a psychiatrist so don't worry about that but I'm drowning atm. Not as bad as I was in Jan/Feb, but we're inching there.
I'd go more into it but i already feel like i am annoying anyone who will see this but also like i need to explain why i haven't gotten fics out besides the exchanges i was signed up for
Update!!!
(i accidentally deleted the reblog ๐ซ )
So great part of the update! Both of my family members are out of the hospital and are in recovery! One of them will be a long recovery journey as that was the emergency surgery while the other was figuring out the correct infection and antibiotics to fight it. I was supposed to visit all this past weekend but the midwest got hit with a snowstorm and i have over 10in of snow looming outside.
So that's the very good news. I cat sat last week (obligatory photos below) and that was one of the better parts of my week. She was lovely and cuddly as I got work done. I also have another cat sitting job lined up for the end of this month so
Yay!
Next goodish news is that I did food distribution and some mask distribution last week and it went really well!!! We gave food to 25+ people and I was able to distribute like 35 covid tests!
The bad news with that is between all the work of cooking, baking, grocery shopping and physically driving for distros, work, I had to clean my house for distro, an the dishes that come with baking, and i cleaned up some of the house i cat sat for, PLUS daily human body maintenance (what do you mean i have to get up and feed myself, get drinks, move a little bit, etc. every single day? ๐) i sent myself into a 4 day flare up.
I was able to get a lot done and help people which yayy but someone needs to bonk me to sit down, do my physical therapy, and remember to take breaks.
i'm going to be applying to jobs again as if I'm going to work a minimum wage job again, I would like to do so at a place I actually *like*, is more ethical/actually does something for the community. Don't start me on the more accessible and actually respects my pronouns (despite wearing a giant he/they pin on my name tag every day). BUT once this week and next week are over i can write again!!! as long as another disaster does not come up.
Too tired for full alt-ids but the photos are different angles of Trinket, a tuxedo cat who is an absolute unit (very big). She has long white whiskers and is very pretty.
