☆into dust☆

I was about to order beer from the app store

wow I'm listening to music sober that's new

I just wait from dream to dream where he will appear because it's my only way to hangout with him, I'm so happy I could be with him tonight, I woke up crying because I miss him so much and I want to be with him

I had a dream about Dan, we were walking through a city and he could do magic and he looked so healthy and relaxed, he could magically get all he wants and do everything there. he told me how you could basically do all you want and get all you want here in this place, I asked if I should be there too and if he recommends it and he said yes in a sure way, I asked what's the catch then? if you can get everything and it's all so good? he said that the catch is that everyone can get everything so you need to accept that too

I need some sort of treatment but I don't think I can find something relevant in the country I live in, it's hard to open my heart to it and to lie to myself in certain ways, some lies are easier than others

I feel like I lost all hope, I have some good things that I'm afraid to lose like I lost everything else but that's it, I dislike and recognize almost everything, I don't belong anywhere, misunderstood all the time, disconnected, still grieving my best friend who committed suicide and no one gives a fuck besides my boyfriend, I only like him and my cats in this world