catatonic

“You know, sometimes in life you can get kinda stuck and you feel like you should have changed chapters by now, but you can’t.”

“And no. I’m not the one to blame. I was there. I took all your crap. I was trying to understand you even if you were a jackass. So no. Don’t you try to make me the guilty one, because no one cared about you the way I did, even if you never deserved it.”

““You’re scared to admit that you might actually not be ok. you scared to say for once that your something other then ‘good’ or 'fine’. Why are you so scared?” my best friend asked me. “Because - because I’m the one that’s supposed to be ok. I’m the one who can’t fall apart. Because all of you deserve someone to be there when you fall, and I am that someone” I said through silent tears. “I can be that someone too” she said, “it’s ok to not be ok.””

Sana dumating din yung araw na hindi na ako yung naghahabol para sa atensyon nya. Yung magugulat na lang ako na bigla syang magchachat kasi miss na nya ako. Na gusto nyang makipagkwentuhan sa akin. Sana dumating din yung araw na gusto nya akong kasama palagi, na ako yung hinahanap hanap nya araw araw. Kasi pag dumating yung araw na yun, di sya mahihirapan e. Tatanggapin ko sya ng buong buo. Di ako magsasawa kasi gusto ko ding syang kapiling ko, kasama, kausap.

“Kung pwede lang sana idaan sa tulog itong sakit na dinadala ko, humihilik na siguro ako ngayon.”

Iba ang pagtanggap sa pagiging kuntento.

“Hindi ako makabitaw kasi hindi ko alam ang bibitawan ko in the first place.”

“Hindi na ako maalala ng taong hindi ko makalimutan.”

“Lahat ng pakiramdam nadudugtungan ng ‘mas’ dahil sa kanya–mas masaya, mas masarap, mas kapanapanabik, at higit sa lahat, mas malungkot at mas masakit.”