excerptsofstories

One minute you’re 16 thinking that this is the end of your life because you think you can’t deal with what you’re going through right now. Then the next thing you know, you’re almost in your mid-twenties, having the time of your life, living when you thought you’d be dead by now. You never thought you would come this far, but you did. And if no one has told you yet, I’m so proud of you.

I don't want to post any of my writing about you, which is actually what this book is made the most out of because they're just all the things I want to say to you that are better left unsaid. I hate to feel vulnerable, and just the thought of letting all that rawness out in the open for you to squint your eyes at makes me want to vomit, the very same way I want to vomit out all the words that I wanted to tell you that I've choked back down. That one time I really got naked with you, all the emotions I've held back and the tears I've drank, you just shrugged it off, cast me away. It took quite a long time for me to learn how to swim under the ice, drowning in freezing isolation and I won't let myself be warm again because it's better to stick with things you're familiar with. And maybe that's why I keep on coming back to you. You're so familiar, close and constant. And yet you're a stranger, distant and irregular.

Time flew by perhaps too quickly. Before I even realized it. For the past few months, I spent my days wishing my life away: I was always waiting for Friday, for the next holiday. January was filled with hope. It was the lessons learned from the million mistakes I made. I was determined to leave it all in the past where it belonged. February passed by like a blur. It brought peace, healing, and company. Time spent with family and friends made things feel right. But March came along, and things happened too fast. It was the grief, loss, and regret that came without warning. I felt everything and nothing all at once. It was tough but again, life is so strong yet so fragile. All we can do is live in the moment and give all the love that we can. In the blink of an eye, May has arrived. It is a time of reflection; a time to think.

He was my everything in December, but he left me in January. You picked me up from the pit I'd fallen into in February and saved me from myself. We fell in love and I saw what the start of forever looked like in March, and you said you did too. In April you started ignoring me and now it's May and it feels like my heart was ripped from my chest while tears of regret fell down my face.

May. It’s autumn here, but spring where you are. Leaves are falling; shades of brown, pink, and orange, and I wish you could be here to catch them, to catch me before I hit the ground, before we disintegrate into dust as winter hits. I wish. But you’re gone, and no amount of seasons can change that. You’ll forever be trapped in spring and I’ll forever be in autumn. That was my favorite season before I met you.

The question that gets me the most is “what if?” What if we had met sooner? What if I never tried at all? What if things had been different? The answer I always find is that things couldn’t have been different, not here, not in this world, not in this universe. But maybe in a different version of reality, everything could have changed. Maybe there is a version of reality where one word could have changed everything

"I love you." he whispered, in the dark. "I will love you forever." He meant it, but we were young, and youth is fleeting, and our forevers never last more than a moment. We were butterflies, young, beautiful, and bright, but always moving, flowers to flowers, whichever has the sweetest moment. I knew he loved me, but I knew someday he wouldn't, so as much as I wanted to stay, I couldn't. I knew he would find another forever, and he did. And then another, and then another

I don’t have a chance with her, but baby steps. One day, her and I will walk on the sunset together. We will be joyous and forever in love. Or one day I will tell her and she will break my heart worse than I could have ever expected. Or maybe it’s somewhere in between that heavenly bliss and unimaginable hell.

somewhere far from now, in the silence of the night, I’ll look over and you’ll smile back, as we wait at the red light.

There is a fire in you that has been long suppressed. You kept it so dearly, no one will ever notice. But the right person will always see through the thick walls. No matter how infinitesimal the light may be, it will always find a way to sift through the pinprick crack. And when that person comes, believe me, you will be bursting in flames.

I chased perfection like nothing else, trying hard and running fast, always trying to reach it. I tried harder, ran faster, tried harder, but I always fell short. It was like grasping at nothing, the harder I tried and the faster I ran, the farther I got from it.

I would rather burn out trying than settle for an ordinary life like everyone else.

She made me feel on top of the world. She was everything. The light, the purpose, the reason I cared so much for what she cared about. Why I listened intently to her stories. Why I hardly questioned her judgment when she told me what and what not to do. Now I regret that, as though I betrayed myself to another person. It leaves me resentful angry and bitter. But I cannot stay mad at the one important person whom I loved. Even though I should.

When I first saw you, it was like everything falling into place. It was fast, furious, we were burning so bright that I couldn't see anything beyond the light. But everything fades one day - even the sun will die eventually - and so did we. You destroyed me. Every inch of my body, full of marks, the ghosts of your kisses still haunting my skin. You reduced me to broken pieces of my old self, and now I'm trying to put everything together without even knowing where we fell apart.

Rains are not meant to be seen from the shelter but to be felt by your soul for those who choose to taste the rain even the best of the drink will be tasteless.

i would write about you in hurt, but i no longer feel the need. you had the most soul this city had ever seen, all the night lights seen for miles were owed to you. even in passing, stranger's eyes lingered for the privilege of meeting yours. although our souls coexisted with love for that period of time, you were the bane of my existence. the complexity that flows through your veins could fill the earth’s oceans and even flood the landlocked cities. im quick to blame you for all the messes i’ve made, you make it easy, nobody knows they are my own. you let me, to protect me. maybe that’s because if the world knew of my flaws, they wouldn’t care for my poetry anymore.

You're in my dreams. That's why I sleep all the damn time.