Dylan

I really like the name Elliot, for either a boy or a girl, I think. Yeah, we’ve had…stranger, all things considered. It’s just a little weird to think about now. I guess we thought had found them all by now, but that seems stupid now.

That’s a nice name. When will you find out if it’s a boy or girl? Yeah, Beca has a new brother too apparently. It’s just a little weird wondering if there are some out there we’ll never meet, but I digress. As long as you like your new sister that’s what’s important.

That makes two of us. Other than Lilith and Liv, who…told me, I only told Beca and Elena. And my sisters, because I apparently…have more than one, but that’s a whole other thing.

We have to start thinking of names. Honestly...I wouldn’t be surprised if we both had other siblings in the world that didn’t pop up until now. It wouldn’t be the weirdest thing that’s ever happened to us.

I mean, you could be a little happier about it, but yeah we are.

I didn’t expect it but I’m really happy. Who knows?

She has Kat and Kellan for parents. And as dumb as the big stupid giant likes to be, he’s actually a genius, so I’m not really surprised. I still haven’t seen Rebecka, though. Uh, well, it’s been…a lot. I spent most of it with Katerina, who turned out pretty great, and Lilith called so I got to talk to her for the first time in forever. But then she told me something that Liv…pretty much confirmed, and for the sake of being totally honest, we are having a baby.

You’ll like her when you do. ...We’re having a baby? We’re having a baby.

Yeah, I..know the feeling. What happened?

Well, I spent the day with Rebecka which was nice. She’s really smart, like her mother and I told her that and then Caitlin asked me why I didn’t get the smart gene and it just...wasn’t nice of her to say that. I’m not dumb, I’m just not a genuis. Anyways, how’s your day?

I haven’t said anything yet.

I’ve...had a weird day.

“You know I knew there was a good reason why I loved Monica so much,” Avalon admitted in amusement, “How are you doing though?”

“She’s the love of my life for a reason.” Dylan said with a laugh and small smile continuing afterwards, thinking about it. “I’m a lot better since I’ve been back. Some things haven’t changed, which is a relief in itself. How have you been?”

You’re all here, where else would I be? But I am very happy to see you, too.

I guess it depends on how those sixteen years treated you, how have you been?

We won’t tell your siblings that I agree with that statement.

I’m really happy you’re here!

I would hope so.

I’ve always been the responsible one.

I’m just saying I can’t lose one of the most important men in my life.

You don’t gotta worry about that, partly because I know if I did something really stupid I know Monica would come to the afterlife just to kick my ass.

You better be, Dylan

Always am.

You didn’t cause any of it. In a way it was…really good for me to do what I did to him. The aftermath wasn’t great, but I don’t think it could have been any different. But I don’t want to lose anymore time either. Even thinking about it causes me actual pain. Whatever happens with Eric, I…I’ll figure out how to live with it. But..I want that too, Dylan, all of it. I don’t want you to think I don’t.

Everything....happened but I really want to be able to move forward. As long as we’re honest with each other about the past sixteen years, which we have been I think we can...have a new start, of sorts. I really, really want to have what we should have had.

Do you really think I don’t know that? It was hell being alone. I remember calling you eighty-six times the first night. None of them went through but I kept trying. And when you didn’t answer, I called Beca…only twice. Because by then I knew I didn’t have anyone. So I went to Tennessee to my old house, and I…killed my step-father with the same bat he used on me anytime I tried to keep him from touching me. I was…so close to shutting off because all I wanted was to come back to you and I couldn’t, and I’m…I’m sure Eric is amazing. I really am. And I don’t blame you, it just…when I found out I could come home I thought worst case scenario, you didn’t come back. Or worse, I’d be as bad off as Victoria is right now and I just…I don’t want to be apart anymore, Dylan, I can’t do it. 

I know, and I wish I could change the past sixteen years, I wish we could have gotten everything we were meant to have. I...I’m sorry things ended up going the way they did. I’m hoping we can at least make up for it..and I’m not going to leave you ever if I have anything to do about it. I...can’t imagine ever being more than a couple hours without you now. I...I want to have a home with you and have kids and if Eric can be a part of it someday he can, if he’s anything like me he’ll love you just as much. I don’t know if there’s a chance it’ll be a reality but I know what I want, with you. 

I can’t act like I didn’t do things I don’t regret, because I did. I…pretty much slept my way down the coastal border. I hated myself for it, but it was a distraction, because I was in pain every day and couldn’t stop it. And I don’t…I’m not saying I don’t want kids. I’m just…sad there’s one out there that isn’t mine. Which I know is stupid and unfair, but I can’t help it.

It was...hard. It was harder every day that it was impossible to contact anyone. Losing hope is easy at that point. I..I get it, obviously. I...don’t know really where I stand or will ever stand in his life, and I know eventually he’ll grow up and I will...look exactly the same and that’ll take some explaining so that’s difficult. So, I don’t know but I want to have kids that are ours, ones I can raise and ones that will be in my life. The fact that I had Eric...he’s a good kid and I love him, but he’s...not really mine. He’s his mother’s and that’s how she wants it. I’m pretty sure he’s growing up thinking his father is someone else. It hurts but that’s, uh, that’s what happens when you end up having a kid with a woman you don’t love, I guess.