Perpetually In Middle School

The crew shows up totally unsure of what to expect, charmed but surprised when it's Ilya opening the door in a tank and sweats and dramatically sighing, "Is meal prep day."

They spend hours filming the couple navigating the kitchen, arguing over how much salt to put in their egg cups, talking about how they learned to cook together when they first made a real go of their relationship.

Shane keeps his hands busy and his eyes focused on his prep work, and that makes it easier to talk about the murky grey area between healthy food choices and disordered eating. Ilya just rubs his back and mocks how he's dicing the bell peppers and keeps calling what he's wearing his "unlucky sweatpants" until Shane hits him in the face with a spatula while mumbling something about tuna melts.

Surprising exactly no one, the video goes viral when it drops on YouTube. It explodes on socials, with thousands of people stitching together Ilya saying "is meal prep day" with videos of their own meal prep, their healthy habits, sharing their own journey to loving food and treating it as fuel and not punishment. They use the tag #eatlikehollanov and it trends immediately.

Ilya's favorite part is when fans start to battle over #eatlikehollanov - the food posts get overtaken with videos and photos of them out at social events, serving cunt and generally looking like top designers battle it out for who gets repped by The Gay Wonder Twins of Hockey (which they do, and stop calling us that, we're married you perverts).

Then Shane and Ilya are spotted at a bar making out in a dark corner and everyone remembers these two probably spend 30% of their waking hours eating each other alive, and suddenly it's #eatlikehollanov munch munch munch yum yum yum.

The Centaurs jump on the trend, sharing their own food prep videos with increasing innuendo. Luca Haas turning bright red while eating a glazed donut gets 3 million views, but Troy really breaks the internet by eating a banana while maintaining eye contact with the camera the whole time. Harris threatens to replace the Kiss Cam at games with #eatlikehollanov and Shane tries his hardest to crawl into a corner and die because he just wanted to share how he protein loads, you guys, why did you have to make it so weird.

and i'm then imagining him being a little startled the first time yuna turns to him and includes him in the discussion on purpose because...oh? you want?? him to speak up here, too??? o-okay. and oh, this is kind of nice, actually, being a team with yuna. she's taking the lead here, but ilya is charming on his own, so they're REALLY doing a great job here, and it's actually kind of?? fun?? picking up the conversational pitches she's tossing to him?? and seeing her be so pleased when he hits them exactly how she wants?? and sets her up for another good move in the conversation?? oh my god?? this feels so nice?? she's clearly so proud of me?? i'm clearly doing a good job by her standards and she's pleased??? i'm having a great time with my mom??? #mymom

and afterwards, i feel like yuna might pull him to a quiet corner or something and just, "you were a little quiet at the start. are you not interested or something? it's okay if you're not." because she's used to having to get answers from shane that way, but ilya is just no! sounds great! thank you. :) anyone else you want to talk to here? :)

The horse following him is ZhuGe Liang, Liu Bei's advisor (you know because he's wielding a fan, which is his signature... tool, some games shows him use it as a weapon).

Also throughout this whole thing they're speaking mock archaic Chinese extremely badly.

Translation:

Liu Bei: I shall borrow the power of Guan Yu's sword! *Smacks the balls*

ZhuGe Liang: Your Majesty, this shot was dopeth as fuck! *Uses his fan to push a ball in* - Liu Bei: Ball #3 goes in the top left hole. *Scores correctly* ZhuGe Liang: Your Majesty, why is your sword so rusty? Liu Bei: This is the Blade of Tetanus! Ha ha ha. - Guan Yu: Big Brother, the horse seems hungry. *puts some hay on the table so the horse shoves all the balls into the hole as it eats* Liu Bei: What a good horse Di Lu (Liu Bei's horse) is! Scored so beautifully, how timely it knew to be hungry!

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