gay and lesbian

this is a particularly tough new year’s for me–I’m dealing with a lot and haven’t been in a great place lately (whereas the majority of 2014 was positive and low-stress). turning over the year in the middle of winter never makes sense to me, I’ve been talking to my sister about how it’s arbitrary and how the forced optimism doesn’t make sense when everyone’s cold and sad (better to start the year in early spring, right!?) I haven’t felt in a good place to write resolutions until this evening (I tried earlier, failed, then I drank some st johns wort tea and it worked), and now I’m feeling pretty good about how they’ve turned out, and how this year it’s more of a conversation and reminders. I hope i can keep feeling good about carrying these out. 

for work/school/career:

get better at saying “behind” “coming around” “hot” “sharp” etc etc. Be vocal and assertive generally in the kitchen. Move with purpose. Be aware of my body.

Get better at mise en place. get better at planning ahead in general. 

knife skills: take better care of knives themselves (use steel more) focus more on making good cuts. take pride in simple cutting tasks

focus more in general and take pride in doing things right and well in general. 

learning (class): Read and underline and understand textbook, preferably before we cover chapters in class. go over again. take notes on things in order to remember them best. 

learning (general): Do outside, extra reading on what we’re covering in class as well as whatever i’m interested in

School: Keep uniform neat and clean. Keep pencils, pens, notebook, folder, etc in good shape and remember to bring everything.

Get enough sleep! eat enough and eat balanced foods.

lift things correctly. stretch daily. 

Be vocal, friendly, and social. 

stay on chefs’ good sides (while still arguing in a friendly way when I’m right and it’s important). make use of them in terms of finding jobs and getting recommendations. 

Taste fully, entirely, and remain focused. Work on articulating what flavors, textures, etc are like, and remembering/recalling them.

try new foods. try new techniques. 

for self and relationships

work on taking care of myself emotionally and physically (see: the rest of these). 

be a better friend, partner, relative: listen actively. be interested in others’ lives. offer support where I am able. spend good time with people. Appreciate people for who and what they are. 

Reach out to others when I need support

the only thing i believe in having “faith” in is that unpleasant or unhappy feelings do pass, spring or morning or the sun will come again. the full spectrum of emotions are part of life and it’s good and helpful to experience them all. 

Feel your feelings. express them. but try to do it in a way that doesn’t hurt other people.

take responsibility for your words and actions. take responsibility for your emotions. do not try to make needing support from others mean making others responsible for your emotions.

practice self-soothing/self-care activities.

be gentle with yourself. be forgiving. be kind. be understanding and validating. you are not bad. you are not weak. you are not crazy. you are good. you are strong. you are kind. you have good morals. you are compassionate and caring. you are honest. you are respectful. you are self-aware. you are in control. you can make mistakes. you can have feelings. you can show feelings. sometimes you have to mess things up a little, and you can make them better. 

processing takes time. be patient.

be motivated by love: love for others, love for life, love for yourself.

forgive yourself, and forgive those who are trying to be kind and good. 

take care of your physical body: eat enough, eat well, sleep enough, sleep well, bike, stretch daily and focus on it, bend and lift things correctly, brush/floss/mouthwash daily, calcium supplements, make use of other herbs and remedies. 

1, 2, 3 and 4: I’ve gotten so so much better!!!!! I can still work on my knife skills and on putting more pride and care into what i put out, but I’m pretty proud of how far i’ve come. 

5 and 6: eh, i fucked up at the end of culinary school cause i was going thru some shit but whatever. I’ve done some outside reading in general on food-related things that interest me, and I feel like I am adapting/assimilating to the fine dining culture well enough.

7. I do this pretty well at work :)

8. I am mostly eating and sleeping pretty well

9.i dont stretch daily at all, but my back is not as totally fucked as it used to be (probably got stronger too)

10. I am far more vocal, friendly, and social than i used to be, especially in the workplace. but it took a very long time to get there, a very long time to adjust to the new environment and culture. 

11. lol (i manage fine, but i’ll argue)

12. i am getting much better at tasting, but i could definitely work on tasting more mindfully and articulating experiences better.

13. i have done this! I could do this more!

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1. i am good at taking care of myself physically, and decent at taking care of myself emotionally. I am better at taking care of others. I have support that I need, and I no longer think it is my responsibility to not be upset if something is upsetting.

2. this is a wonderful goal. I hope i have been better at this, but I know i could be a much better listener, and much better at appreciating people, and much better at spending time with people and focusing on them.

3. I think i have done this.

4. this is true. I was in a bad place when i wrote this (obviously) and I am in a so much better place now. i need to remember that there will be more downswings in life, and I will be capable of dealing with them.

5.i think i do this. i do worry about being manipulative or demanding. i need to pay attention if I think i am, and work to make it right.

6. i am feeling less interested in this point of view lately. i think it’s a different way to say “suck it up and deal if you’re unhappy.” I am less interested in a lot of polyamory “truths”

7. i think i do, in many ways. I think i don’t have a lot of time to anymore. I think things like puttering and dealing with bills and doing laundry count as self-care to me. things like knowing when i need alone time and taking it count as self-soothing. i feel like much more of an adult lately.

8. i like this. i do feel that I have internalized most of this a lot of the time.

9. i am incredibly impatient with many things. I am more often more patient with people, and especially with kids.

10. this is such a good goal. I could be more mindful of this more often.

11. i like this. i think i do.

12. I have been taking pretty good care of myself.

like in britain some houses are terraced or semi-detached

but in america they’re like “dON’t tOUch mE!”

Have you been eating well? If not, eat a piece of fruit or a handful of nuts. You need vitamins; you need protein.

You’re probably not drinking enough water.

When is the last time you showered? Take a cold shower to wake you up or a hot shower if you need to relax.

Do the laundry that’s been piling up. You’ve been wearing that sweatshirt for too long.

Take care of the dishes in the sink that have been there for three days and have started to stress you out.

Did you brush your teeth this morning? How about your hair?

Listen to the messages on your phone that have been there for days.

Go outside for at least a couple minutes. You don’t even have to do anything; just sit down. Breathe in the fresh air and get some vitamin D.

Open your blinds. Your room is too dark and it’s probably making you tired.

Spend some time with your pet. Pet them, feed them, take them for a walk or clean out their litterbox. Caring for them will make you feel useful and responsible and give you something to do.