I didn’t realize I feel shittier than 2 weeks ago

I want to vent about me and my life and how I’m currently living and how I want to do many things but the depression is eating at me. Seeing how I’m living at my place depresses me and it’s embarrassing. I want to take it one day at a time but I just want to lay down with the TV in the background and cry. Cry and wonder how it went wrong and what happened for it to all start. Was it when I was a child? A teen? When I started working? Why didn’t I seek help earlier? Why can’t I let go of this depression? I’m not sure what to do. I feel like a slob. I don’t eat. I can’t sleep or sleep too much. The energy is not there. The purpose isn’t there. Most times I want to disappear. Cut off everyone. Start over. I’ve been living like this wishing this for as long as I can remember. Maybe it all started when the smoke wasn’t real anymore. I just want to let it all out.

I’m depressed 🙂