sO hUnGrY

this post was used for reference.

Benjamin really hadn’t meant to let it go that far, but he underestimated the other young man - He had thought it was all talk, but he still came out to the sound of raised voices, of her crying out - && she had been on the ground, the boy was standing over her && Benji lost all self control.

&& Now he was standing here, looking at her - At the blood running down her face, seeing where it bled from; He wondered if the wound really looked that bad, or if perhaps it was the lowlighting, the way it glimmered, the way it’s scent called to his very bones -

Blood for blood.

Her screaming was still echoing in his ears, so loudly he couldn’t bring himself to say anything more, especially when it looked like she almost reached for him, only to draw back into herself. He could smell the tears, too, && he hated his nose for it - It made him feel guilty, feel like he had done w r o n g, despite his good intentions, despite only wanting to protect the random girl. But then her voice rang throughout the air, so soft at first he had to tune his ears to hear it.

“You ain’ gotta tbank me,” He didn’t sound offended, rather he was still speaking with that guilty tone, that inability to look at her because of his shame. “I made you cry…..i didn’t mean to do that.”

&& That was all he said in response before he was reclaiming the grey hoodie he had thrown off as he approached before the fight, taking the chance now to really look at her as he scooped it from the concrete, because when she wasn’t looking at him he felt like he was allowed to look at her, like if she knew he could see her she might run - She looked absolutely horrified by everything that had taken place, && he doubted his presence helped at all.

“I didn’ mean t'let it get outta control, but you ain’ big enough to hurt nobody an’ he’s actin’ like that,” He was mostly grumbling, taking another tentative step closer before he held the aforementioned hoodie out - She may not want it, but he had always thought when bad things happened it didn’t matter what was offered, it felt nice to have something to hold onto. “Ain’t right, an’ none a these fratboy bastards care, I did though, I do, ain’ gotta know you to do that…..”

It bothered him, during the entire altercation - a blur in his own mind, really - no one came out as she screamed, && That made him feel all the more she needed protecting. And that all those boys deserved the same savagery at his hands.

“I ain’ leavin you with him though, ‘specially not now, not tryna scare you but….is there somebody I can call for you? Ion wanna let you walk home alone like this, you’re bleedin’, but ion wanna make you uncomfortable I already did that an’ i don’t like it.”

Taking her sleeve, Gracie reached up and wiped the tears on her cheek, only to realize she hadn’t really been crying that much but the blood from her forehead had dripped. With a small sigh, she brought her fingers to the wound and winced, retracting her hand quickly. She’d never really had an injury before, save a paper cut or two from doing homework at her boarding school. The pain was almost unbearable.

“No,” she replied, taking a step toward the stranger. Her fear was starting to fall away, leaving her less afraid and more thankful. “No, you didn’t. You frightened me, but it’s okay. You didn’t mean to.”

She watched him cautiously, the nagging in the back of her head telling her that anyone who could lose all control in anger as she’d witnessed was someone she didn’t need to be around. Though, in the back of her head she couldn’t help but feel a little safer in his presence.

A small smile began to form on her lips. She reached out and took the hoodie, slowly and carefully. “Thank you,” she repeated again, though this time it wasn’t a whisper; it was almost as if she meant it.

He let it go easily, more than content to give it to her, he was more than warm enough, even as his breathe clouded in the air in front of him. He enjoyed the cold to some degree, even when his over exposure to it made his bones ache.

I don't really have anyone besides him.

Those words echoed down to his very bones, rattling him at his core; Was she being serious? He was repulsed by the thought, blue eyes briefly moving in the unconscious males direction as he rolled those words over in his head a for a moment, clinging to his silence as he tried to find his own voice, how to respond - He shuffled his feet for a moment, making a mental note to never wear fucking sandals again, as he realized he fucking lost one, how did he lose one? -

"I....i can put you up in a hotel," He didn't have a lot of money, but he also rarely spent money on himself regardless, he was sure he could afford this much - "My house ain't much t' offer, but -" He paused, seeming to suddenly catch himself. He didn't want his attempts at kindness to border on creepy, he just -

He wanted to help.

"But it's close to that hotel on fifth and main, so drivin' or walkin' you there ain' but ten minutes outta my way anyway." && now he was looking at her, eyeing the w o u n d on her forehead. "An' before you say anythin', I'm not tryin' to push you I jus' - I know what it's like not to have anybody you can call, an' I'm worried about that gash, it don' look to good."

His knuckles were bleeding on his left hand, he split them open on another young man’s teeth -

“You still like to pick on the weak, motherFUCKER?”

Benjamin’s voice was just harsh at first, but by the time ‘motberfucker’ was out of his mouth, it was a scream, the inflection gave away all of his f u r y; Benjamin was no hero, he wasn’t even really a decent person, && he knew it but -

His fist connected with the boys nose again, && it cracked audibly throughout the parking lot, the sound was the only thing moving outside of himself in the icy air; As though the silence of the world around their altercation was enough to suspend the sound in mid air, to draw it out && hold it there like a rope around his NECK, still ringing, still echoing. Or maybe he was hurt, maybe the blood streaming down his temple was why he felt like his ears were still ringing -

And if he wasn’t so fucking hungry, it wouldn’t be healing so slowly - But Benjamin never fed where he lived, not really; He didn’t like to, he was still young and territorial, not yet mature enough in his instincts to feed himself well && not compromise his secrecy. In a way though, he knew it was kind of a good thing - If the gash wasn’t healing at a normal rate for humans, he would be outing himself right now.

But he fucking H A T E D the way women sounded when they screamed, he almost hated women, really -

They reminded him of the girls he grew up around, the way they were always crying, screaming, he couldn’t save them either -

He hit the boy again and he went still and quiet, not dead - just unconscious.

&& That seemed to satisfy Benjamin, he was rolling off the other male && breathing through gritted teeth, panting - His eyes rose to the female he was defending, very much without her permission or even request - && it seemed he only was just registering her presence, flashing her a bloody, clearly fake smile; It had been a fight, Benjamin sometimes would let someone hit him, just to f e e l that kind of physical pain.

“Are you okay?” His voice was hoarse, still panting, but almost seeming to be feeling guilty, like a dog with it’s tail between it’s legs. “I - it wasn’t s'posed t'go this far, but…. He put his hands on you in front of the wrong person.”

&& the fact that it probably had everything to do with alcohol consumption, with the fact everyone involved was leaving half drunk, even himself -

He kept moving after he rolled off the unnamed stranger, taking his eyes off the female && staggering to his feet, one hand gently prodding at his own temple; He gritted his teeth, feeling the throbbing pain light up in his skull && groaning his displeasure in a low, rumbling voice; His voice itself seemed to always sound like a growl - aggressive even as his obvious shame dripped from every syllable.

“I only followed ‘cause I heard you call for help, I don’t know if this is even what you wanted-” Blue eyes met hers only for a moment, but he looked upset, possibly sad; As though his own talent for violence was hurting him. “But I’m drunk as fuck an’ he was talkin’ about spikin drinks, talkin’ 'bout what’s wrong with hittin’ a girl if she hits you first, n’ then y'all go outside an’- ”

He shook his head, trying to shake off the awful aching of a concussion, of the cut beneath the 21 tattoo under his eye stinging. “I heard you scream, an’ ain’t nobody but me was goin'a come. M'sorry tha’ nobody good or smart or good at talkin’ came, it was just me, I’m sorry -”

Are you okay? All she could see was red. She could feel her own blood dripping down her forehead where he’d shoved her a little while earlier and her face connected with the cement. She tried to focus on his voice; he looked so guilty, almost like she’d expect someone to look after they’d just beaten a stranger unconscious. She wanted to tell him NO she most definitely was not okay; the most violence she’d ever seen was on TV shows and even then she’d turn the channel.

She wanted to reach out and touch him, and even reached for his face, his injury, though she recoiled out of fear. She knew she needed to say something, but she was sure the shock and horror was written on her face.

She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. Tears stinging the back of her throat, she simple nodded in response to him. She took a look at her mauled boyfriend, ex boyfriend, laying unconscious on the ground. She wanted to go home, but it now seemed she didn’t have a ride, or a place to stay for that matter.

&& Now he was standing here, looking at her - At the blood running down her face, seeing where it bled from; He wondered if the wound really looked that bad, or if perhaps it was the lowlighting, the way it glimmered, the way it's scent called to his very bones -

Blood for blood.

Her screaming was still echoing in his ears, so loudly he couldn't bring himself to say anything more, especially when it looked like she almost reached for him, only to draw back into herself. He could smell the tears, too, && he hated his nose for it - It made him feel guilty, feel like he had done w r o n g, despite his good intentions, despite only wanting to protect the random girl. But then her voice rang throughout the air, so soft at first he had to tune his ears to hear it.

"You ain' gotta tbank me," He didn't sound offended, rather he was still speaking with that guilty tone, that inability to look at her because of his shame. "I made you cry.....i didn't mean to do that."

&& That was all he said in response before he was reclaiming the grey hoodie he had thrown off as he approached before the fight, taking the chance now to really look at her as he scooped it from the concrete, because when she wasn't looking at him he felt like he was allowed to look at her, like if she knew he could see her she might run - She looked absolutely horrified by everything that had taken place, && he doubted his presence helped at all.

"I didn' mean t'let it get outta control, but you ain' big enough to hurt nobody an' he's actin' like that," He was mostly grumbling, taking another tentative step closer before he held the aforementioned hoodie out - She may not want it, but he had always thought when bad things happened it didn't matter what was offered, it felt nice to have something to hold onto. "Ain't right, an' none a these fratboy bastards care, I did though, I do, ain' gotta know you to do that....."

It bothered him, during the entire altercation - a blur in his own mind, really - no one came out as she screamed, && That made him feel all the more she needed protecting. And that all those boys deserved the same savagery at his hands.

*   warning   :   may  contain  spoilers  for  episodes  one  through  ten .

‘  if  you  were  me ,  you  wouldn’t  be  such  a  fucking  asshole .  ’

‘  the  world  out  there  has  teeth  and  it  is  hungry  and  it  is  stupid  and  it eats  and  eats  mindlessly .  ’

‘  you  listen  to  your  gut .  even  if  it  makes  them  hate  you .  ’

‘  i  am  a  dream  and  so  are  you  and  so  are  we .  ’

‘  you  are  a  looker ,  aren’t  you ?  ’

‘  honey ,  someone’s  in  the  house .  ’

‘  i’m  dreaming ,  right ?  ’

‘  i  just  need  a  little  time  away .  it’s  nothing  more  than  that .  ’

‘  you’re  saying  it  was  an  accident ,  so  you  accidentally  put  your  hand  through  a  mirror ?  ’

‘  i’m  scared .  that’s  all  i  am .  there  is  nothing  else .  i’m  only  scared .  ’

‘  do  you  think  there’s  something  wrong  with  me ?  like ,  really  wrong ?  ’

‘  it’s  alright ,  sugar .  it’s  just  a  dream  —  just  a  screaming  meemie .  ’

‘  we  yield  to  it  or  we  fight  it ,  but  we  cannot  meet  it  halfway .  ’

‘  i  seldom  am  well  behaved .  ’

‘  i  enjoyed  the  conversation ,  but  i’m  gonna  say  goodnight .  ’

‘  did  you  just  punch  me  in  the  boob ?  ’

‘  just  enjoy  me .  i’m  loving  you .  ’

‘  i  wouldn’t  have  changed  a  thing .  i  need  you  to  know  that .  ’

‘  forgiveness  is  warm  like  a  tear  on  a  cheek .  ’

‘  i  loved  you  completely  and  you  loved  me  the  same .  ’

‘  that’s  all .  the  rest  is  confetti .  ’

‘  forgive  a  girl  for  being  lonely .  ’

‘  there’s  nothing  sadder  than  a  cold  bed .  ’

‘  journey’s  end  when  lovers  meet .  ’

‘  journeys  don’t  end ,  not  if  you  love  someone .  they  don’t  end  at  all .  ’

‘  probably  best  you  didn’t  say  anything  to  them .  ’

‘  i’m  asking  you  to  love  me  hard  for  the  next  few  minutes .  ’

‘  i’m  gonna  jump  and  i’m  asking  you  to  hold  my  hand  while  i’m  falling .  ’

‘  i  have  something  that  i  have  to  tell  you ,  but  i  need  you  to  remember  when  i  do  that  i  love  you .  ’

‘  i  wish  i  would’ve  loved  you  better .  ’

‘  pandas  don’t  like  macaroni .  ’

‘  i’m  just  floating  in  this  ocean  of  nothing  and  i  wonder  if  this  is  it ,  this  is  what  death  is .  ’

‘  i  wonder  if  this  is  what  death  is ,  just  out  there  in  the  darkness ,  just  darkness  and  numbness  and  alone .  ’

‘  i  wondered  if  that’s  what  they  felt ,  just  numb  and  nothing  and  alone .  ’

‘  he  was  a  light  in  the  darkness .  he  was  a  life  preserver  in  the  ocean .  ’  

‘  i  reached  for  him  because  i  had  to  feel  something .  i  had  to  feel  anything .  ’

‘  god ,  i’m  so  glad  i  did  it  though .  thank  god  it  worked .  ’

‘  i  felt  scared .  so  fucking  scared .  ’

‘  honestly  i  had  to  do  it  because  it  felt  better  than  feeling  nothing .  ’

‘  that  thorough  fucking  shame  was  so  much  better  than  that  horrible  empty  feeling .  ’

‘  you  have  to  live .  ’

‘  i  don’t —  i  don’t  know  how  to  do  this  without  you .  ’

‘  i  learned  a  secret  :  there  is  no  without .  i  am  not  gone .  i  am  scattered  into  so  many  pieces ,  sprinkled  on  your  life  like  new  snow .  ’

‘  when  we  die ,  we  turn  into  stories  and  every  time  someone  tells  one  of  those  stories  it’s  like  we’re  still  here .  ’

‘  we’re  all  stories  in  the  end .  ’

‘  you’re  supposed  to  protect  me ,  but  you  say  the  meanest  things  to  me  when  i  try  to  tell  you  things .  ’

‘  that  was  really  wild  stuff .  ’

‘  that  was  really  wild  stuff  considering  you  were  asleep  for ,  what ,  like…  ninety-nine  percent  of  it ?  ’

‘  i’m  sorry .  i  should  have  made  more  of  an  effort  with  you .  ’

‘  you  tried  the  best  that  you  could .  i  should’ve  met  you  halfway .  ’

‘  people  fuck  up .  i  guess  you  don’t  get  that  —  you  really  don’t  get  it  until  you  fuck  up .  really  fuck  up .  ’

‘  i  felt…  nothing .  just  nothing .  and  it  spread  everywhere  in  me ,  this  nothing ,  until  i  couldn’t  feel  anything  anymore .  i  was  just  this  dark ,  empty  black  hole .   ’