DXM + Dr Pepper Zero

Do every other day

I’ve gained a ton of weight but my forearms are still skinny-looking. Maybe I just store more fat on my belly, hips or thighs. Fuck my naturally curvy body type.

I also meticulously weighed pre-portioned food such as rice cakes or slices or bread but now I never do that because I know the nutrition label can’t lie. I also weighed fruits and vegetables but now I don’t bother because they are very low in calories - I only weigh high-calorie foods such as cereal and peanut butter. I also included the calories in diet coke, chewing gum and even green tea, but now I don’t because the calories are negligible. At the time, I wasn’t aware that I was vegan because of my eating disorder.

I forgot to include tea, coffee, chewing gum, and brushing your teeth.

Like when you're out with your family in the evening, going shopping, everyone gets food from Starbucks but all you're getting is black coffee.

It’s my first day of restricting to 1200. I feel really, really hungry because I’ve done like 12,000 steps today. I know I shouldn’t exercise to excess when on a diet, but today I had no choice. On my daily walk, I was stranded in the town so done a lot more steps walking back and forth and even bumming £5 for bus fares from a stranger (that I didn’t spend). Then I went to my family’s house, and my mum dropped me off at a skatepark where I tried learning how to skateboard (but I’m a complete newbie) but was constantly bullied by transphobic 12-year-olds riding mountain bikes and wearing Nike and they would never leave me alone. Then I walked home. Then I went to the Range and Asda with my brother and mother. I bought 2 boxes of fruit (one pineapple, and one apples and grapes with cheese) that both expire today, as well as WeightWatchers chilli con carne and potato wedges ready meal that I will eat for dinner tonight but I am anxious it won’t fill me up because the carbohydrates are potato wedges, not rice. I don’t want a night like the 16 April 2022. I remember that night and how painful it was to go to bed extremely hungry and stay awake much later than usual. Right now I’ve just ate a 5-calorie slush puppy, and drinking water and Pukka night time berry. At 4pm I had a sugar-free Red Bull and half a cigarette, and I was only moderately hungry then, but now I am beyond hungry. Any advice on how to prevent a binge? I don’t want to binge on the first day of my diet. I don’t want to get into the habit of trying to restrict to 1200 but then binging in the evening every single day otherwise I will get fat quickly.

This bloke used to weigh 132 lbs at 6'5" and it really makes me jealous. I want to be tall, skinny and lanky.

The only things holding me back are extreme hunger (but I can tell myself that hunger means it's working and I will lose weight), slow metabolism, sleeping less due to eating less (sleep is important, I love to wake up at 11am), and being on the medication olanzapine.

I want to drink 2 of these to get really high on DXM, will I be okay or will I gain loads of weight?