lonely hearts club

y’all still beat your meat? lol

what do u beat

evildoers

Wow king this sex is really interesting can we talk about video game lore now

women typically do not want me and fish look at me and feel contempt

“i can leave the door open while i’m cleaning my bathroom,” i reasoned to myself. “surely my beloved cat, Meatball, isn’t dumb enough to try and jump into an open toilet full of Clorox”

i caught this tiny-little fool MID-FUCKING-AIR. i watched him start leaping and time literally slowed down. and then he had the audacity, the NERVE, to beep indignantly at me for ruining his plans

his name is what

his name is Meatball

whenever anyone mentions that they were talking abt me I get this weird but kind of comforting feeling that I exist to a person outside of our own relationship,, like?? u talked abt me??? u thought of me when I wasn’t there????? i exist to u when I’m not around????!!!!!!?

women that wear men’s cologne are hotter than god