up & up & up

I keep watching videos back from Saturday night and I can’t believe I was there! Up there with the best nights of my whole life and I’m so grateful I got to experience it. On my way to the office, once again with the adrenaline of someone going to war but I think it’s getting a little easier? Maybe hopefully. I’m also trying really hard to tell people that I’m finding it difficult and that is quite a big step because my instinct is to push it down and say I’m fine.

A completely magical night. Mumford! Hozier! Shania Twain! My heart is so full

Friend is so late that I could have got the next train and had half an hour more to chill at home. I have no legs to stand on because I am chronically late but also I came from Bristol and she lives in London!

Also surely having 1000 guests at your wedding is completely impractical? How do you talk to everyone? How do you enjoy that at all?

I love one of my pals but she just cannot make an independent decision and it drives me nuts. We’re going to see Mumford in Hyde Park today and she’s asking me what to wear/whether to bring a jacket. I’m currently in Bristol and I have absolutely no idea!! You are 33 just decide! I still feel a bit anxious and not myself but I’m determined to have a good day! I think I’ve over-committed myself socially lately and I could do with a day to myself with no obligations but it’s a good problem to have and a year ago I was really in a hole and really isolating myself so this is a good thing.

I am so anxious this week I feel like I’ve gone so far backwards. Giving up trying to work and going to run and see if that helps

I feel like we’re all on the struggle bus this morning! I am tired, I have the worst hay fever and I’m trying not to cry on the train to the office (again) 🫠

I feel really anxious today and I’m not sure why. I lived like 30 years of my life without ever really feeling like this without a specific reason and I am hoping to at some point go back to that because this is Not Fun.

I met a guy when I went on that hike in wales and we went for dinner tonight and I thought it was just a friend thing but I think it actually wasn’t and I’m not sure what I think about it. I’m not sure I fancy him but I also had a really good time and we have a lot in common so I guess we’ll see

I am on the train to London to go to the Kent coast for the weekend and please pray to the transport/weather gods that I make it because I need some sea air and a dip!

I’m going paddle boarding later and I absolutely definitely want to go in the water but they are talking about making it a games session and I absolutely don’t want to do that. I did it once and one guy who is definitely going later got so aggressive and I hated it and also I am not a lover of organised fun so it’s just not for me. We’ll see, I don’t really want to cancel so I’m hoping there’s others who want a lazy paddle and dip instead

I bought a last minute resale ticket to go and see the Kooks tonight. I’m going on my own so my first solo gig. Bit nervous but hopefully will make some pals! I think they are doing a 20 year (!) celebration of Inside In/Inside Out which I think was the first proper album I bought and played to death so I think it’ll be special!

I got bitten so badly in Wales. My arms and legs are covered and I also have a few on my forehead and I’m trying SO HARD not to scratch but I am ITCHY!!

I went to the Brecon Beacons today and climbed a big hill and I had a good time but I’m so tired now. I have to get up at 3:30am because I’m going for a solstice paddle board and I know I will love it and I will probably be home by half six but I would also love to just sleep.