FERN VON DIR

“Weiß noch genau wie es war, als du fortgingst Richtung Heimat. Weiß noch genau wie es war, als du mich das letzte mal geküsst hast, das letzte mal angesehen hast, weiß wie es war, als mein Herz brach, als du meine Hand losließt, mich dein Blick ein letztes mal streifte und du dich umgedreht hast. Und dann bist du einfach fortgegangen und ich stand da und zerbrach in tausend Teile.”

““When do you know it’s over?” He asked quietly. “When someone stops trying,” she answered. “Or worse, when trying no longer works.””

Was sind denn die Unterschiede von verknallt, verliebt und lieben?!

“Before you say yes, get him angry. See him scared, see him wanting, see him sick. Stress changes a person. Find out if he drinks and if he does, get him drunk - you’ll learn more about his sober thoughts. Discover his addictions. See if he puts you in front of them. You can’t change people, baby girl. If they are made one way, it doesn’t just wear off. If you hate how he acts when he’s out of it now, you’re going to hate it much worse eight years down the road. You might love him to bits but it doesn’t change that some people just don’t fit.”

“If he loved you he would care that he hurt you. Say it again. Say it again. He would care.”

” I know how it feels to be heartbroken. I know that all you want to do is to text him and tell him that you’re okay with him being this way, even if you’re actually not. I know that you just want to forgive him for everything and tell him to come over, just to spend some more time with him. You know deep down that this isn’t love. That he doesn’t love you the way that you want to be loved. You’re too obsessed with him to see your own value and to see that it’s not supposed to be this way, not at all. You shouldn’t be the one apologizing if you deep down know that you did nothing wrong and he just put the blame on you to feel better about himself, like he always does. I know that you want to text him. And all your friends is calling you stupid and they are getting mad because you still want to be with him, even though he did all that and hurt you bad. And you feel alone, you feel so alone and it makes you want to scream, and you are screaming, your heart is screaming. Scream, just don’t text him. I know that it is so fucking hard to act cold and to hold back. But that’s what is best for you. If he texts you, I’m begging you to try and not answer. Or at least be cold. He doesn’t deserve you darling, and I just wish for you to realize it soon. I’m good now and so will you be.”

” he ruined me. He ruined my trust. He ruined eveything I believed in, my dreams, my wants, things that made me happy. He ruined my confidence. Everything I was insecure about and hated about myself, he made me hate it even more. He ruined this whole town for me because everytime I left my house I saw him everywhere, because there isn’t a place where we haven’t been togheter. He ruined my body because I still feel his touch and damn he didn’t even deserve to touch me, not even once. He fucking ruined everything about me but I have build myself up again and I’m stronger than ever before. I am worth everything and I won’t ever let a man ruin my life”

She’s different now, he said. I was too much of an asshole to see how beautiful she really was. Her heart was beautiful, she cared so much about me, and I never understood why. I never treated her the way she deserves to be treated. “Why, I asked?” Because her love scared me. Her love was so intense. With her I really could have been happy. I almost forgot how beautiful her smile was. I forgot because she hasn’t smiled lately. She just cried. It was a shame. She wasted so many tears for someone like me.

When you love someone, its never over. You move on, because you have to but you take them with you in your heart.

Your first heartbreak feels like a walk in the park compared to your second. Before your first heartbreak, you didn’t know any better. You were naive. You didn’t know how it felt to have your heart shatter. But your second? You did know better. You weren’t as naive. You knew exactly how it felt to have your heart shatter. And you gave someone else the chance to do that to you again. So your second heartbreak will be hell. A part of you will always blame yourself for letting it happen. Another part of you will know you’ve been proven wrong twice; you’ll start to really believe no one would ever actually take care of your heart. Maybe your first heartbreak burned out a light in you, maybe that light switched off. But your second heartbreak shut down every light within you.

The worst thing is when someone asks you what happened between you and him and you just have to pretend it was as simple as “we didn’t work out” when it was as painful as “we weren’t meant to be when we wanted to be.”

When I asked her where she’d rather be than in my arm, she put her hand on my chest and said ‘in here’ and since then I swear my heart feels full of her love.