dumbjoshua

“I still wake up hoping you’ll be in my arms and when you aren’t, a sense of panic builds and i reach for you but you aren’t there to grab. I still think about your voice in the morning as you wake up or your voice before you fall asleep, or the little snores you let out right as you drift off. I still think about the way you told me you loved me and how genuinely i felt it, and how loved you made me feel, like as if i was the only person you could ever see. I still think about us reaching for each other mid sleep because we couldn’t stand not to be touching, practically on top of each other as if we were huddling together for warmth. I still think about you, and the way your skin felt and how your dry hands were still the softest i have ever felt. I still think about spinning you around and drunkenly dropping you onto the floor and us just bursting out into an infectious laughter and laying there. I still think about it all, on a constant loop in my head at every corner at every turn in my mind.”

There we were alone in the water, the only two humans in sight. She turned to me and stared as her giant smile faded and tears began to stream. She lunged into my arms as i asked her “What’s wrong?” She looked up at me and said “Have you ever been so happy, yet so sad, knowing it’s going to end?” I kissed her forehead and just held her.