Take radical responsibility for yourself and your life. That's how you get ahead

if i look back, i am lost

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Take radical responsibility for yourself and your life. That's how you get ahead

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Sanguine
Heretic/ heresy/ heretical
Burly
Orifices
Palimpsest
Pneumatic
Pedanticism
Condone
Derisive
Had I read this book by 22, I'd have called it a classic and these characters would have stayed with me forever. Like Charlie, Patric, and Sam. Quite a story, soulfully written with ample humiur and lots of food for thought. I wpuld want to re-read this one someday.
I do not remember names. I am female.
Today, a child smiled at me brighter than the sun because he was able to read a new word, with the smallest form of handholding. I am so pleased with that monent. It made my day.
Later, he gave me ahigh five and said, "kal phirse aana aap."
I am the moon to their sun. I can necer get wnough of their grins.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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We've come a long way from this.
Maybe we're all just perverts without enough resources.
A fight I no longer care for
Sounding responsible is such a drag show.
I ain't making a responsible choice. I am making an easy choice. A responsible choice would be in alignment with my spirit. Teach for India was a responsible choice in that sense but look what sorrow it has brought me. I am starting to wonder if my spirit is worth preserving but also if there is only one way of preserving it.
I staunchly believe that inside us all there is a space, a cavity to which nothing ever reaches. It is like a pristine underground lake. What if the spirit doesn't need preserving. What if it needs to be tested, expanded, shrunk and shredded and stretched out again from end to end like a hammock. What if the spirit goes stale if preserved?
So then, if I divert my energy from preserving my spirit, with the reassurance that it doesn't need me to do so, what might I spend it on?
I starting out this post wanting to say that perhaps I am making a choice to test my spirit. To see if it flies or faults. To see if it survives. For if it doesn't make it, I may find the conviction to bring this journey to an end. Maybe if I stop self-preserving and let life break me I will be able to leave it sooner.
I'm saying all this while making the safer choice, lol. What is safe though? Is hollowness safe?
If I really want to test my spirit I should perhaps stick to this sector. Should I stick it out through thick n thin and let that wear me down? That was the plan.
I think by opting out of that plan I'm giving up a fight I no longer care for. I'm not necessarily giving up on fighting.
Re-reading this bring up so many thoughts
A writer tries to have a last word on an experience that may not be novel. A writer not only craves to be heard and understood but also wants to crystalise their experience in to words, in writing, in others' minds. Why?
Finding love young is not always the reality for self-loathing, underconfident, unsure, lost youth who are busy stitching back the wounds they got from growing up nn a briken home. Add queerness to the mix and it becomes a seething concoction of shame, confusion, and pain.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
We are just sad together. I don't want to be sad anymore. I am not into that now.
I want to be around people who make me feel happy, loved, beautiful.
I don't think she is good for me. She and I are not great together and I want better for both of us. I love her but i don't like her anymore. I don't want to spend as much time together now.
I hate everyone and everything
Bekar hi badnaam hai yeh girgit. Usne rang badle toh kya hua, apne mahol ke sath badalne mein bhala kya burai hai? Ham bhi dhale hai aur tum bhi dhale ho, kabhi na kabhi, kisi aur ke soche khayalon mein.
Kyu dhale? Kiske khayalon mein dhale? Ismein in savalon ka koi mat nahi hai. Bas yahi ek baat karen layak hai ki dhale toh dhale, lekin uske baad kon ban gaye tum aur kya kiye uss naye tum ne.
When the sky doesn't fixate itself, the mountains bed to the whim of wind and riverbeds deepen on the persistence of flowing streams, why are we so determined to one thing, anything at all.
Why do I want to do it all alone when I don't have to?

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
There was a time when I used to try to get to know my family better, try to support my parents with their struggles. I felt that it might bring us closer. I kept trying to find that sense of connection which I've always felt a lack of. But now, I have given up. I don't think it is possible for us to find that as a family. This breaks my heart but I am tired of trying only to watch it all unravel and mean nothing each time.
This is making me more closed up to connection. The isolation of last two years didn't help either. I find myself shrinking my needs rather than reaching for support. I find myself letting go so easily as if nothing ever mattered. At the same time, I am also feeling increasingly alone in life. My support system vanishing (i am pushing away some of it) and I don't know what to do. How do I save it? I don't have the skills or know how for it.
I feel utterly helpless and bereft.
The increasing distance with my mother and my father's inability for emotional depth is leaving me gasping for love everyday. When they were far away this wasn't so conspicuous. But now, this is all I can see. Their unavailability stigs everytime.
But, to them, i am no longer a child and I have caused them equal hurt in return. So are a broken family held together by tradition, stigma and helplessness.
I am reading about the experiences that create an avoidant attachment style and every time I do it I am taken back to the lack of safety I felt when I was in Lucknow. I am reminded of specific instances when mom was rude, mean, aggressive. I am unable to love past that and somewhere I still want to punish her for it.
Strangely, I don't have very many memories with my father. I do have a few here and there but none very remarkable.