thought hoard

Sounding responsible is such a drag show.

I ain't making a responsible choice. I am making an easy choice. A responsible choice would be in alignment with my spirit. Teach for India was a responsible choice in that sense but look what sorrow it has brought me. I am starting to wonder if my spirit is worth preserving but also if there is only one way of preserving it.

I staunchly believe that inside us all there is a space, a cavity to which nothing ever reaches. It is like a pristine underground lake. What if the spirit doesn't need preserving. What if it needs to be tested, expanded, shrunk and shredded and stretched out again from end to end like a hammock. What if the spirit goes stale if preserved?

So then, if I divert my energy from preserving my spirit, with the reassurance that it doesn't need me to do so, what might I spend it on?

I starting out this post wanting to say that perhaps I am making a choice to test my spirit. To see if it flies or faults. To see if it survives. For if it doesn't make it, I may find the conviction to bring this journey to an end. Maybe if I stop self-preserving and let life break me I will be able to leave it sooner.

I'm saying all this while making the safer choice, lol. What is safe though? Is hollowness safe?

If I really want to test my spirit I should perhaps stick to this sector. Should I stick it out through thick n thin and let that wear me down? That was the plan.