salted crackers and tepid water
flirting is such an odd experience, but being flirted with is so, so much weirder.
i remember watching movies and tv shows as a kid, how making your feelings known seemed so easy. i always thought i'd be like freddie from icarly, or the artsy kid from ant farm - a hopelessly in love fool who finds someone else in the end. so why am i miley stewart, holding up two headshots of equally mediocre men, trying to pick one. the aferementioned men one through four.
man number one, who really shouldn't be the first on the list, is actually the most recent addition on this list. we hooked up, as bros are bound to do, and now there's some unresolved tension, i guess. i've been helping him get with a mutual friend, but last i heard of it, he's given up (though i'm not sure, he said so through whatsapp stickers). he's cool, and i can definitely see myself develop feelings for him.
man number two, bless him, is so, so beautiful. i've never been in awe at the beauty of a man (actually, that's not true, i once had my friend as my wallpaper because of how pretty he looked, but i've never had feelings for him). i've also previously been with him, as in, physically. he's so, so sweet. he's beautiful, inside and out. i'm sure he's too good for me, for anyone, really. i can admit i'm thoroughly enamoured by him. smitten, really.
man number three broke my heart once. it wasn't fun, but he did. i think. i was also smitten for him, maybe not as much. we stopped talking because he started dating another girl. she was pretty. i learned how to read palms for him. they broke up.
man number four is the real issue. i know i shouldn't, but i do. he's such a good kisser. no, really. and he's so cool. i don't think i want to be with him, but i want him. so bad. almost too much. maybe too much. definitely too much.
i know the choice should be obvious, but it isn't. number three is an easy out, but fuck, i can't.
09:47 am
(published january 29th, 06:45 pm)
