spruce log

Your slow-motion montage backed by a Gregorian choir can be done with a few technques that all involve repetition.

First is epizeuxis, the repeating of a word for emphasis.

Example:

Falling. Falling. Falling. There was nothing to keep Marie from plunging into the rolling river below. She could only hope for a miracle now, that she would come out alive somehow despite a twenty-foot drop into five-foot-deep water.

Then there’s anaphora, where you write a number of phrases with the same words at the beginning.

There were still mages out there living in terror of shining steel armor emblazoned with the Sword of Mercy.

There were still mages out there being forced by desperation into the clutches of demons.

There were mages out there being threatened with Tranquility as punishment for their disobedience, and the threats were being made good upon.

Mages who had attempted to flee, but knew nothing of the outside world and were forced to return to their prison out of need for sustenance and shelter.

Mages who only desired to find the families they were torn from.

Mages who only wanted to see the sun.

calm down.

...

breathe in.

....

breathe out.

.....

alright

.........

alright. i'll be okay. just keep saying that. you'll believe it. you're going to be okay. you always do. breathe in. breathe out. breathe in. breathe out.

....i'm fucking tired though

i know

i don't even know what happened

i know

they meant it when they said the body remembers

i know

i don't like remembering anymore

i know.

if you say you know one more time i'm going to fucking choke you

...

sigh. you know what? i know. i know that you know, because we're the same, we're me. i'm you. you're me.

yeah.

so i shouldn't get mad at you

right

because i know you just want to help me

that's it

and because it's no use getting mad at myself for shit i can't control

you're getting better at this self-therapy thing

but i'm frustrated

i can tell

and so are you

of course i am

i'm sick of my dumb body fucking freezing all the time and being scared and feeling like shit for NO reason

i'm sick of it too

but you are so mature about it

we're the same.

but it's not fair! if i remembered what went wrong then i would know what to avoid

maybe. maybe you can't avoid it.

that's WORSE. this is always just going to happen, then?

it could.

fuck.

but?

...but. what?

...but...?

...but...but i can...i can survive. i'll live.

go on.

this will pass.

that's the spirit.

and. and at the very least. i'm not hurting anyone anymore.

good. keep going.

i'm here. nothing bad is happening. i'm okay.

that's right.

but something bad did happen-

-it's not happening anymore.

can't i just be allowed to be sad?

you've been sad for too long. it's time to get better.

but i don't know how to be good again.

it's not about being good again. it's about being good next time.

...

my hands have a lot of energy.

...i should write.

but my brain can't really think.

...then i should draw.

but my eyes aren't built to see anything pretty.

then what do i fucking do

i can't hurt anybody.

but that's what i want to do. i want to hurt. i really really want to hurt something.

...this isn't going to be good for me forever.

this isn't good for me NOW. what do you suggest?

do what we always do.

punch a wall?

punch a wall.

...did typing it out help?

it helped.

right.

isn't it. isn't it weird. talking to me like this?

it is weird.

but it's all i have, isn't it?

it isn't. you're just scared of other people. i'm just scared of other people. you know they'll understand, you just don't know if they have the time to actually help you. i'm scared. i don't want them to ignore me. maybe i should just never ask for their attention at all.

we're scared.

we are.

but we won't always be.

we won't.

and we'll get scared again.

we always will.

...not forever. scared doesn't last forever, right?

no. no it doesn't.

yeah.

feeling good yet?

no.

i figured.

but i don't think my chest is going to collapse. and i think it's easier to breathe. and the sounds are fading to silence. i feel like i'm not quite here anymore.

you'll come back.

will i still be scared when i return?

who knows.

...i'll find out later. i'll enjoy this for now.

come back to your friends after all this

i will

they won't know what to do

they won't

but they'll open their arms anyway

they will.

does that make you feel good?

it does.

alright. just keep. thinking. about them. about things that make you feel good. wallowing in your misery is refreshing in its own pathetic way, but swim too far, and you'll drown. remember that.

i wish i drowned.

no you don't.

no, you don't.