Ang maingay kong utak. circa 2011

God has been opening my eyes lately.

I could choose to take it personally, or I could receive it as a lesson. I’m choosing the latter not simply because it’s the “right” thing to do, but because I’ve already lived through what happens when I choose the former.

I’ve been there before. I held onto the hurt, sought revenge, and for a moment, it felt satisfying. But in the end, it only fueled a vicious cycle that left my heart heavier than before.

I don’t want to carry that kind of burden anymore. I don’t want bitterness to become a pattern or a curse that I pass on.

Not everyone will love the way I love. Not everyone will care the way I care. And that’s okay.

I’ve learned that expectations often lead to disappointment, but understanding brings peace.

I don’t have any bitterness in my heart. I believe everyone is doing the best they can with what they have.

I’ll continue moving onward and forward. I’ll strengthen my boundaries, make necessary changes, and trust God’s direction as He continues to reveal His plans.

My heart will remain open, even if my access becomes more guarded. If they ever truly need me, I’ll still be willing to help.

I’ll keep building the home I dream of, one rooted in love, peace, and God’s presence. I’ll cherish what I already have, including my partner, whom I believe God placed in my life for a purpose. I’ll trust that what God has given me today is enough to begin building the future He has prepared for me.

After all, Jesus never stopped loving me. Even when I walked away, He never walked away from me. The moment I returned, He welcomed me with open arms. That’s the kind of grace I hope to carry with me.

After all, I’ve been praying every day for alignment, clarity, compassion, and kindness not only so they would shape my own heart, but so I could extend them to others, especially my family.

I won’t pretend this lesson is easy. It’s challenging, and at times it hurts. But perhaps this is God’s answer to those prayers. Not by changing the people around me first, but by changing me teaching me wisdom, healthy boundaries, and love without expectations.

Maybe this is what alignment really looks like. 🤍

Ay! kaya naman pala kung gustohon. Henlo Philippines? Waay pakialam kay poor lang ang gaka apektohan noh? Tani ma resume ang flood control hearing? Indi nalang mag asa kay ila gin atupag ang mga bulak na waling-waling. Grabe ang priorities sa life. hehe

Anyway, good job, New Zealand!

I’ve come to admire many things about this country. It’s relatively wealthy, yet it remains humble. Even something as simple as supermarkets reflects that everyone can shop there without needing a special membership to access the better stores.

I also appreciate how government institutions seem to function with a higher level of integrity. I’m not saying New Zealand is perfect, no country is! but the difference is hard not to notice.

I don’t think this country became successful overnight. Pero ang values, discipline, and sense of fairness they built over generations played a big part in getting them to where they are today! Kamusta naman ya Pilipinas?? Mayo lamg ta sa buildings na ab mo rich pero purya gaba! External lang! Pero pigado gid kag masga lala tungod sa Corruot government may ara ta subong BBM et al!

19 June 2026

Nagsulod gulpi sa mind ko, I need to write this down. Ga align kita sa ex friends/ex relationships ta ah— kay both sides butigon. Amona gn remove kita sa kada isa sang Ginoo kay butigon kita tanan in so many ways. Pareho tanan may deperensya— waay sang less or more.

So sa mga na stuck pa sa victim mentality, please step back and check yourselves, the more may accountability ka the more dasig maka move forward and less bitterness. 🤍

p.s. and be grateful imbis magdumot nga ginbulag kamo kay para na sa own good sang kada isa.

Curious gid ko kag asta nlg sa wonder, ngaa ayhan indi nila butang si Sen Bam noh? or si Sen Hontiveros as SP? or Sen Kiko kay lawyer man sya. Ngaa si Sen Sotto ila ginpili. Subong, may huring-huring naman na si Sen Win.

It’s 1PM, I’ve decided stop reacting to or reposting posts that resort to ad hominem attacks or mock someone’s opinions, regardless of their views in life. Mocking my beliefs doesn’t make you wiser. It only shows that you can’t handle rejection. Your brain is wired to take “no” as a threat, and that often reflects fear. Fear can show up as anger or irritability. Are you an angry person?

I want to walk the talk not just for myself but for my nieces and nephew. Kita ko naman ano chura ka tao nga consistent and kanami gali sang aura. There’s so much divisiveness and bullying going on and I dont wanna be part of it. I want a respectful conversation, a solution driven conversations and not centered on proving who is right or wrong. If I’m calling out someone I think is not being accountable, then I should do it for everyone.

At the end of the day, all I want is a country where all branches of government actually work and are not corrupt, so I don’t have to feel envious comparing my motherland to New Zealand a country that may seem simple, yet is financially stable and well-governed. FYI during the pandemic, they were able to close their borders and support their own people because they had the resources, systems, and savings to rely on.

When we grow up in a dismissive environment or in a household that avoids addressing the elephant in the room, we often carry that into adulthood. It can lead to lower emotional intelligence, and honestly, that’s not something to brag about.

In the real world, especially when working abroad, titles and higher salaries will never truly make you feel content if you rely heavily on external validation like dapat taas grado ko, or dapat amoni akon title sa work, or how others see you so naging selective na sa pagging nice. If living independently kana kag amo gyapon imo batasan na people pleaser(mind you na another type of ppl pleaser can also be mga tao na mas importante kung ano ihambal sa iya like mas gusto nila taas pagtan aw saila tungod sa status or achievements. gina please mo iban tao e sa sina na mindset; kung may kontra ka na gusto mo gid ipabalo saila na im doing well through showing it sa social media or telling common friends para makalab ot sa ila, also magparinig) T paano nalang na? Pag amona traits ta na mas ga worry pa sa prestige etc, sigurado gid na dasig lang ma-shaken ang sense of self. Kay may mga tao bala mas alam pa sa aton, mas rich, kag mas mean.

You can know so much about the world yet know very little about yourself. I’m talking about inward, like how do you respond to conflicts. Do you fight, flight, or freeze? Do u address it with an open mind or make a point to prove that you are right?

So how do you navigate through that? Higher EQ.

And how do you build higher EQ? Do the shadow work. Heal. Reflect. Higher EQ humbles you. Higher EQ leads to discernment, and discernment lessens emotional triggers. Base sa experience ko as someone na dismissive, manipulative, selfish, etc before, natun an ko gid na habang ga less ang emotional triggers, mas naging grateful akon heart. Habang grateful ako mapa dako or gamay na gamay o biskan sa mga situation na budlay basta updan ko lang accountability. Pag may accountability mas dasig maka move forward na waay bitterness na sa heart. Kay higher EQ means may tuod na SELF-CONFIDENCE.

Hapos ang IQ. Pero mas hapos makuha ang IQ kung gasugod sa inward- meaning EQ.

After 2022, I noticed a big change in myself. I no longer hoard clothes, shoes, or bags the way I used to. I’ve become more okay with repeating outfits and buying less overall. I’m also trying to move away from synthetic fabrics like polyester and choose more natural fibres instead. New Zealand really changed my mindset when it comes to spending and consumerism. I’ve also learned a lot from my partner. She doesn’t constantly shop, but when she buys something, it’s always practical, durable, and made to last. She buys based on need, not impulse.

“Remember, the longer you're with the wrong person, the shorter you'll be with the right person.”

I will always choose you.

In every lifetime.

I would choose you.

People don’t distance themselves from those they once knew without a reason. Often, it’s because of the realization that they never shared the same values , or because one of them is still hurting and not ready to face that truth. or both! Sometimes, that hurt can make the other person feel like a threat to their mental health, especially when codependency hasn’t been worked through.

I used to be quite confrontational, and at times I handled things poorly. Blocking people out of anger. Over time, I realised that reacting that way doesn’t really change anything, so I’ve chosen to approach things differently.

Now, I simply distance myself when needed, both online and in real life. It’s a more intentional and peaceful way of moving forward. If someone decides to block me, I respect their choice. I don’t take it personally or hold it against them. Everyone is entitled to handle situations in their own way, and for me, there’s no need to respond in kind.

Nope. And here’s why.

IMO and experience if you don’t learn to love yourself first, it becomes hard to sustain love for others whether it’s a partner, friends, or family. Love needs compassion and kindness to grow. Without them, resentment can quietly build, and we end up projecting that onto others. How you treat yourself often reflects in how you treat people. And being generous isn’t always the same as being kind.

I know this because I used to be that person—always searching for more, never truly content, and quick to grow tired, even in relationships. It wasn’t even obvious at the time. People would ask me why I stayed. I stayed not for love (though I thought I did), but I later realised I was more worried about what other people would say about me. How can I stay for love when I never trully love myself. Romance was never my priority, and neither was I.

When I say “I never truly loved myself,” I’m not talking about self-care. I’ve learned how to present myself well. I carry myself with confidence, I’m not afraid of job interviews, and I know what I can offer professionally. But all of that is external. I’ve never really shown what’s going on beneath the surface.

But deep down, I used to be very critical of myself and others, whether at work or not. People often described me as a “perfectionist,” but I never saw myself that way because I always felt like I was falling short. Looking back, it wasn’t perfectionism, it was fear of losing control.

And that was the old me. but everything changed, all because of Heavenly Father. 🤍

Happy sa mga book accessories ko! Thamks, my Mabi, ‘cause you always find time to buy things you know I like, and things that remind you of me.

I think not everyone realizes that the opposition initiated the online bullying against supporters of FPRRD. Many of them even amplified the name-calling, including the term “Dutertards.” They seem to have forgotten that it was Carlos Celdran who started it (RIP), and they continue to use it to this day. So who is Carlos Celdran? Perhaps they should look into it, considering he was once their ally.

I’m grateful to God for my partner and for how we ended up together.