Guy who jerks off to fantasies of him and Niall waking up in a saw trap together:

Guy who has an active Craigslist ad looking for someone who can surgically turn them into conjoined twins:

Guy who thinks the brothers from House of Wax had a good thing going:

Guy who has spent hours concocting mental scenarios where they become lighthouse keepers stranded together on an island during a hurricane:

Guy who wants to keep Niall in a human terrarium he hand built himself:

Guy whose ideal death would be him and Niall chained together in a basement and then buried alive in pyroclastic ash Pompeii-style:

Guy who cannot be trusted with access to the hit Netflix series You:

Guy who wants to keep Niall as his crazy attic wife:

Guy who knows off the top of his head how much chloroform it would take to knock out someone of Niall’s height and weight:

Guy who has been trying to figure out a casual way to ask a doctor if two people could be permanently attached to a single shared blood supply:

Guy who heard Niall needed money and wondered what the odds were of Niall saying yes if he offered to pay him to live 24/7 as his dog:

Guy who has gotten off imagining his mom revealed she had a one night stand and actually he and Niall share a father and are blood related:

Guy who wants Niall to get him pregnant so bad he will throw up if he thinks about it for too long:

Guy who has googled if it’s possible to induce kidney failure in another person so you can then give them your kidney and a part of you lives eternally in them and also they owe you their life and are eternally indebted to you:

"Jamie Bell is very petite." "Yeah!" "I could almost ingest him." "Right!"